(Sorry for the short break but I needed it :). Although I have a lot to catch up on we will just pick back up where we left off and move ahead.)


Jan 19

I bend over and whisper a prayer of thanks for daddies, mommies, grandparents, family, playing with sweet Caroline and William Heidt, a good day, and I ask for rest and an fun adventure tomorrow.  He stares back at me looking with wonder.  I kiss his sweet cheek and pull the covers around him a little more snug.  Where has this last year gone to I wonder.

He is getting big but I savor these days and with the constant reminder that they will go by quickly I don't want to miss a beat.  So today I thank the Lord for this chance to stay at home with my little one.  To be there every step of the way and not have him miss me during the days has been a gift.  We sacrifice with our one income but we're happily making it work and seeing God provide.    
I was able to choose this path that's not often taken by mothers in our culture and i'm well aware of how special it is.
I will have 18 years (God willing) before my baby leaves and in those years I have a vital role to be there to teach him, love him, provide a safe home, and care for him.  God entrusted me with Garrett and equipped me with the knowledge on how to care for him.  It's really an incredible thing.  (In no way am I knocking working mothers, I know some families need that extra income)
Today I saw a statement by a mother who was feeling less then worth it as a mom because of the way our culture views a mom as 'just a mom'.  I wanted to reach through the computer screen and hug her and let her know that she has been given one of the most selfless jobs out there but also the most rewarding.  At the end of our lives as mothers this world will not be cheering us on and rewarding our work as a mother but let me tell you God will be if you did your job well.  He is the one that ultimately cares that you do this job well and embrace it daily.  Don't miss out on these precious years of a child, they go by too quickly.

~*~

I had a history lesson today and came to learn the special role our military plays.  You always hear about supporting our troops and having pride in the military but it wasn't until today that I came to grips with why. The declaration of independence was a wonderful thing documenting our freedom from Britain but it wasn't until years later that our military men FOUGHT for it.  Britain didn't look at that piece of paper and say 'oh you want your freedom? okay sure here you go..'  No..we had to fight for it.  Men died on the way to earning that freedom and in Yorktown is when we finally gained our freedom years after the declaration of independence was signed.  Not because of Congress did we gain freedom, because of our military men.  (Thanks to my brother in law Dave who this past summer brought us around VA showing us site after site of history, helped tied together some loose ends!)

1% of men and women now serve in the military (Very close to this, if I'm wrong please correct me) and they are a VERY special group of people.  To give up their freedoms of a nice warm couch and t.v. and trade it for a life in a ship sleeping in a cold place away from home around 10 other guys..for us. Risking their lives and some dying.  It's amazing that they sacrifice daily freedoms like growing facial hair, wearing civilian clothes, time away from family so that we have freedom. Without these people I wouldn't be able to write freely probably.

And you know what I was told today? That God hand chose this woman to be a navy wife.  I don't walk around with much pride but I think gaining this respect is very appropriate and well deserved.  My husband falls in this 1% and I think he's awesome for that.  I get to support him as a Sailor and make his home a safe haven away from the stress of work.  I get to love him and be the Martha Washington (you'll have to read up on her story of going to see George Washington when he was away) in this story.  I know that God has led us to this hard stinky sometimes not fair lifestyle...but his ways are higher then mine and I'm really thankful to find myself right where He wanted me. 

Until next time, I pray you're doing well and growing in your faith and relationships!

Laura

It never came...after all that hoping and praying..

What is this snow stuff again?

:)

Even though I must have asked God a thousand times for it, He always know what is best for us.
During our move we didn't have to pay any attention to snowy roads, shoveling, and bitter cold temperatures.

I love to know what's coming.  If someone gave me a sheet of paper with all the events of that day i'd be pleased.  It's nice to know what to expect and decide as each event happens how I feel about it but simply knowing what is to come would put me at perfect peace.

Unfortunately little in life really works that way not being in my favor. 

See, the Navy doesn't tell you a 10 year plan on where you will be and when.  They can change their minds rather quickly and you're left scatter brained as you try to plan a move or get used to the idea of your man being gone for such and such time.

Once those orders finally come you have a sense of peace being able to take care of all affairs that need to be in order for a smooth transition but it doesn't change the fact that this military lifestyle is hard on the family.

We have lived a somewhat normal life in 2011.  Darren was home most of the time but that didn't change the long hours or the fact that I never do know when to expect him home. He leaves early and comes home late with the occasional 3:00pm surprise arrival.  It's funny how even though he has been home we have had a hard time connecting.  I get a very drained husband because his job is just as intense as when they are out to sea.

He is trying his very best right now to make time for Garrett and I and cares for us but goodness if I woke up at 5 and worked all day by the time that I arrived home at 6 or so i'd want to kick those feet up and not do anything!

The Navy is a bittersweet career.  There's no getting around it.

I can't change it and i've accepted that this is where God has led us. So i'm working on changing my attitude towards what can't be changed.  I really don't gripe too much about the navy but I do complain about things that stem off because of it. 

Don't see family much

A very tired Darren

Loneliness

No permanence

and a few others.

I want to learn to have an attitude that was like Christ's.  He didn't have permanence either and he dealt with all the things I am feeling now which is comforting.

I wish that i'd taken time to dig up some passages in the Bible to support this but that's for another entry another time!

I really don't want to live a life being discontent. That's no way to live!  I believe that there are times we can change our circumstances but sometimes we simply need an attitude adjustment.

So why did I want snow so bad this year?

Because it's what i'm used to.  I'm familiar with the crisp air that accompanies the soft flurries and it's beautiful to me. 

Because everything this year has been unfamiliar to me and I craved something that I knew.

I had a baby and that was new and scary for me.

I dealt with marital conflicts that seemed over my head at times

I learned that I hadn't really accepted God's grace in my heart, still working on that.:)

I moved into two different homes

I only saw my family a few times

The church I attended is nothing like what I have experienced in all of my 22 years of going to church.

It's different..but i'm trying to understand that different isn't bad..it's just different.

God didn't send me a familiar snowfall this year..instead he sent me my familiar savior, Jesus Christ.

And i'm marveling at the peace I have in knowing my King is the same as he always was.

Thank you Lord for remaining constant in my not so constant circumstances!

Laura

 



"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." — Helen Keller

Sometimes I have to wonder why God allows me to walk through what seems like unnecessary junk.  Conflict, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and more.  Why can't he use that mighty hand and direct me around  those trials so I can go on my merry way?

But it is necessary.  

I wish that I had everything figured out.  I wish that I was a picture of perfection but I'm not. I'm really a messy individual but can I tell you in the midst of all my faults God's grace has never felt so wonderful. 

Am I the only one afraid of going unnoticed. of not being heard or validated?

Because sometimes God's still small voice doesn't cut it and I want more.  

I want to belong. 

to a family

a group of friends

a church

a hobby

a job

I want purpose and to be validated for the work I do.  

Feeling small hurts.

But here is what I've learned.

God needs to take me through this time of feeling small because he's going to use each experience, each hurt, and lesson to draw me closer to Him and ultimately to bring himself glory.

Laura

"A thousand times i've failed still your mercy remains'

We've moved!

Welcome to our new home!

I love it. 

I don't think i've ever been excited about a home quite like this before.  

It's hard though.  

I know that we'll be here for a year for sure but we don't have year(s) here and that is hard for me because I want to become attached to this home and fix it up like it is my own.  But the reality is we're borrowing this home for a time and although it's good to enjoy it, it isn't permanent. 

I will of course take you along with me as I make this home ours and we will enjoy the journey together!

I had to get some lights and fancy red bows on this home even if it was simple.  

                                               

Garrett is enjoying this new home very much.  He has been exploring all the extra space but he doesn't like when he loses his mommy.

We don't have a gate yet and for the time being he really hasn't gone around the stairs much but i'm sure in the coming months he'll want to climb up.

Garrett met Santa for the first time! I'm enjoying his first Christmas and all the little things that go along with it.

He did really well and didn't cry. :)  

I haven't taken a lot of inside pictures of our home yet but once it starts to come together in here I'll share! I'm not the best decorator but I still love to fix things up in my own way even if it doesn't look right. My mom and sisters have the gift of interior designing.  Where are they when I need them!?

I am beyond tired today and have been going going going since last Thursday.  I am sitting down for the first time since then.  It feels nice to rest.  We have had our hands full with this move and it didn't help to have a heavy heart from disappointment. Moving is not easy and having family far away makes it even more difficult.

But it was great to have people from Darren's work come over to help us move and my friend Crystal was more then willing to watch Garrett.  

I was surprised by the people who did help as well as by the ones who didn't. Sometimes we have to learn hard lessons through experience.  I must have talked to my parents a handful of times seeking their wisdom as I was dealing with a situation i'd never had to face before.  Thankful for godly parents who know me and can encourage me/teach me still after all these years.  

Anyways we had a bit of a surprise the night we moved in.  The heat was broken and as the temps read 47 degrees I was not happy.  Please understand that going on 3 hours of sleep, exhausted from moving down three flights of stairs, and wanting to protect my baby, I was not in the happiest moods.  I had expectations of moving in and getting things done right away but instead we bundled up and sat in Garrett's room that evening near the space heater.  

Thankfully the heat has been fixed and is working fine now.  I am much more cheerful and this home is all decked out for Garrett's first Christmas!  

I am bad during transitions.  When my home is all over the place I can't stand it! Can you relate?

I love knowing where everything is and that it has a place.  Trying to put everything away and balancing what we spend without going overboard isn't always fun.  

I still have much more work to do at the apartment and maybe two more loads to bring over.  Almost done though! 

I love our quiet neighborhood.  I look forward to taking Garrett on a walk soon and being able to bake later in the week.  It's time to crank out some good ol' Christmas cookies, puppy chow, and more. 

Alright well as this post is all over the place so am I and it's time to finish up a few more things and then get some sleep!

I hope you're enjoying this week. 

:) 

Merry Christmas

Laura

I love to look through pictures and hoped you might too!

He is planning his next move ha, such a busy boy!

He crawls all over and walks along the furniture which is very tiring as the chaser.

But he's too cute.

I'm finding that my quiet times don't need to be long to be good.  This morning I grabbed my smaller bible and found the story of Paul and read in 2 Corinthians 12, about How God's grace is sufficient for me as it was for Paul. Thanks Nicole for passing this along to me yesterday!

He had a blast during breakfast this morning and was cracking me up.

Last night at 8:30 I decided to do some more Christmas baking while I watched Christmas movies! Chocolate dipped pretzel rods, don't mind if I do. :)

white chocolate!

Don't forget this important step..shortening to go in the choc. chips when you melt them.

It's possible I almost ruined the first batch but fortunately I remembered half way through melting the choc. chips.

I enjoyed decorating them.

Don't forget your pretty plate! I bought this one at Target for $2.00

And another pretzel goodie.

preheat oven to 350 degrees and place pretzels on your tray with the unwrapped rolo on top. 
Stick in the oven for 2.5 minutes and then take out and quickly place another pretzel on top to make a yummy treat.  You can also top it with an m'm, or nut. If you can try to place the tray in the freezer to cool and harden the chocolate for about 10 min.

BUT be warned..my freezer spit them all over the place. ha that was a cooking fail! I opted for the refrigerator instead.

So there's a little peak into one of my joys, baking!

Here is the current status of our apartment, very much undone and not safe for a child.

Garrett, you will always be that tiny baby in my eyes, love you sweet boy!

He is my happy helper.

:)

~*~

Have you ever found out something from someone that just rocked you to the core?

I never want to be so prideful that I don't understand I too am one step away from sin.  I don't want to be ignorant to the schemes of satan either.  He's cunning, confusing, and as I've always said really good at what he does.

I've recently read through a book that was such an encouragement to me. It explained a few things in a way i'd never heard and drew me closer to God.

Then yesterday I found out the man who wrote the book had been engaged in an affair for a number of years. My heart ached and I was disappointed.  

So when I crawled into bed and was still discouraged to the choice of finishing out the last chapter of this book he wrote I decided to take it to my Heavenly Father.

We hashed over my own failures but how God has still used me, we remembered King David who was as God called a man after his own heart but still had an affair and had a man murdered.  Then I started to listen to God as he reminded me that i'm not to look to men because they will disappoint.  My God is the faithful one and men will fail (myself included) but he stretched his grace to an even further place in my heart.

Grace for others.

Ann Voskamp

“God appoints people who do disappoint – to point to a God who never disappoints.”

This is what I read this morning...pretty amazing!

So that's where God and I are traveling next in this journey of healing and restoring.  How I know this will be hard as he tweaks an area I will have to give to him with complete abandon.  My expectations of certain people and my lack of grace for when they fail.  I'm ready though. :)

~*~

We are approaching our move-in and move-out date and i'm excited.  We could definately use a few more hands to help but i'm not going to worry.  I'm soaking up this last week with a dishwasher and am preparing for a future of washing dishes daily. :)

Well i should get back to cleaning.  Hope you are having a great day!

Laura



"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

Proverbs 27:6

 A friend may have to give you unpleasant advice at times, but it's often for your own good. It's better to be told truth then be told sweet words that send you into your own ruin.
~*~

Oh yes we're going there today..

Why? Because I want to touch base with an issue we are all going to run into. 

Here is what i'm hearing from a majority of woman.
*I can't find good friends
*It's hard to make girlfriends as an adult
*I can't connect with woman around me

sound familiar?
i've been there!

Have I mastered becoming a great friend, no

Have I made mistakes and hurt friends? sadly, yes!

(Thank God for his grace though.)

However, He has laid a few things on my heart about friendship and I wanted to share.

I don't have it all figured out because lets face it, humans are tricky and try as we may we're plain ol' selfish. When you put two imperfect people together you will eventually have a few snags or perhaps a big one that ends the whole relationship. 

Normally I'd say that I could get along with pretty much anyone. I can find a lot of good in a person and i'm thankful for that. But lets face the truth..there are a handful of people that i've come to meet that drive me nuts. Do you know what i'm talking about? 

They are either miserable and pretend otherwise, Or they are miserable and let everyone know.
But either way being miserable is hard to be friends with. 

But I hear it time and time again from these same people how people are walking out of their lives. I want to grab them by the shoulders and shake them and say 'do you really not know why!?'
 THEN they are adding to the mess with status' on facebook about what a bad friend so and so was for ditching them and there are tons of others chiming in about how awful that person is and sugar coating sweet words that sounds something like 'you don't deserve that' or 'you're wonderful!'
...um wait a minute.

(Can you see why facebook can be more then annoying at times?) 
It's fine when we have a bad day and need to vent or are going through a chapter in our lives that we're struggling but a never ending negative attitude is hard to deal with for anyone.
Let me tell you that i've been the negative friend and I've had some pretty amazing people stick it out with me but I can tell you that it was hard for them.

 

We have different temperaments and each of us deal with things differently. It's not fair to expect a woman to have to make friends with another woman who is lets say negative.  They're constantly posting on facebook about this bad thing or that bad thing and they don't want answers or help, they want to complain.
If you're anything like me if there's a problem you want to fix it and move on.  If not then I admire your view on a more patient approach to let things run it's course.  But I can't take the constant negative spirit because it brings me down!  Selfishly I want to surround myself with woman that are joyful. Now I didn't say happy.

Joy is this constant hope and a content spirit no matter the situation.
For example:
My cousin's wife miscarried recently after being far along. I didn't know how she would respond but when she wrote a note praising God still I was blown away by the attitude she chose.  She responded gracefully and with love in her time of mourning.
She didn't add it to a list of wrongs been done against her instead she placed it in Christ's hands.


Do you see what I mean? Isn't that the kind of friend you want to be around?
But then I've met many woman who have been wronged or are going through bad situations and they hold onto their pain and throw up their card every time you start to question their attitude...
They want to stay unhealed. They have a right to be angry or bitter. They don't want to give God whatever it is that's hurt them.
To stay friends with a person like this wears you down eventually.

 I have met people who feel bad about walking away from this kind of friend and they carry a lot of guilt in their choice. I'm one of them!

So i've asked myself recently if it's wrong to walk away from someone? Is it ever God's will for us to move ahead with our lives?
Here's what i'm learning..

In some cases, it's okay to leave, you're not a bad friend to commit to walk away and simply pray for that person because God did not intend for you to be hurt. 
We can look to Matthew 10:14 where God instructs his disciples that if a place or person does not welcome them or listen to their words (the good news of Jesus Christ) that they are to shake the dust off their feet and leave.
Read that entire chapter if you have a minute because it's message could probably be taken a few different ways but honestly it's simple.  Jesus wanted his message to be spread but knew that some people's hearts were hard and wouldn't accept truth.  Later in chapter ten he says to them, v16 'I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.'  God knew the kind of world that he was sending us into.  He cares for us deeply and the idea of his lamb among wolves doesn't sit well with him but it's the result of the Fall.
How can we apply this to our friendships now that go sour?  If you are loving a friend and trying to help them and they turn you away then I believe God wants you to move along.  It's always my desire to live peacefully with everyone but that can't always be the case. There are people who are hurting that need to hear about Jesus and it's not worth sitting with a person who has already chosen to be hard to God.  Be gracious though and walk away with caution, don't do anything that causes you to sin.

Here is my experience with what I call a good friend.  I've been confronted with truth by a friend before and it hurt really bad. It bruised my pride mostly, but oh did I need to hear what she said. I respect her all the more for what she did because I know it's hard to approach a friend in love.
  I have also experienced a friend who knew I was about to make a bad choice and said nothing, didn't stop me and I walked straight into one of the worst decisions i've ever made. Although at the moment my friends sweet words justifying my choice made me feel good and I thought she was a wonderful friend you can bet that now I look at her and realize she was not the right kind of friend.

I've ran into a few situations with people where I cared so much for a friend and saw the choices they were making were really hurting them.  I didn't know whether to say something or keep quiet.  There is a big difference in speaking something in love and judging and I have to be careful.  When you see a person hurting it may be appropriate to stay quiet and pray, or sit and listen to them, or be available to sit quietly with them saying nothing, but there may be a time for gentle reminders of truth.  It requires much prayer!

And girls if your friend throws you under the bus..move along unless she comes around. Don't feel like you need to earn back trust for being a bad friend because loving a friend is not being a bad one.  God will deal with your friend in a gracious way but it's not his will for you to get hurt.

So lets go one step further and girl talk some more...

What about those questions i've seen over and over about our lack of connecting with other woman?
I think it's our desire to be known by a friend.  Have you ever had a best friend that keeps your secrets and loves you still after knowing them?  Or the kind that brings over your favorite coffee drink just because?  How about the friend that is willing to sit and talk or sit and listen? 
Women need friendships..desperately.

I have a load of wonderful woman that have filled my 22 years. They're amazing God loving woman that have helped me to be the woman I am today.
I recently have met a fellow navy wife who asked to be a mentor to me. I love her so much and was really excited that God blessed me with her!
It starts when someone says i've been there too or i'm walking where you are now.
I find my best friends are those woman that love God deeply and know His love because they show it to me every time we're together.
I walk away from lunches with them and have a sense of peace or a restored soul.  I am ready to go back home and love my boys and serve God all the better.
Yet as much as I've been blessed there have been times i've walked alone.

I don't know where you find yourself right now. Maybe you have an abundance of friends or maybe you're walking in the valley very much alone. 
Is the problem always us or is it simply a season we're in with no close friends?

I want to throw this out there.  Maybe God needs to get us all by ourselves to speak to us at times.  He needs to remove certain people in our lives so that it's only his voice we're hearing and not someone Else's.
 
But dear one, you were made for relationships..not to walk through life alone.  God intended us to walk through life together and I believe when we pray he will bring friendships.  You have to give quite often because like any relationship it requires us to be selfless. (keep that in mind)

lastly..

I want to tell you about my Amy. I thank God for her all the time and know she was an answered prayer.

I call her 'my amy' and i'm not sure why but when I see her in church coming in I think 'there's my Amy!' and I get very happy.
I prayed for a friend and God brought me the most not girly girl, blunt as can be, sport nut (i mean that in the best way!), and honest person i've ever met.
But oh man do I love her!
When I met her she had just experienced a great loss.  She lost her two babies in a miscarriage. We met in a bible study and week after week I came to respect her.  She was honest and real about her loss and it was refreshing but still heartbreaking.  Over the months we were able to get together and talk which  was not something Amy did often but God continued to use her. 
She is my coffee buddy and a good one at that!
There's no expectations in our friendship and that's what I find is amazing.
If we don't talk for a week or if we miss a text there's no hard feelings.
If one of us sees another friend there's no feeling of resentment that we weren't included.
It's peaceful.  And I love having a friend that doesn't expect me to be a certain way but takes me as I am and yet still encourages me to grow.
Did you catch that?  Yes she likes me but she is not afraid to share with me when i'm out of line..she doesn't sugar coat but tells it as it is and I love it!
Everything I see her she makes me laugh so hard. 
Pray specifically for this kind of friend because laughter, truth, and a real God loving woman is a huge blessing in life!
I know Amy may just be in my life for a season but I am so thankful that God blessed me with her.

Keep praying God would help you be a good friend and don't expect too much, we're imperfect people and need Grace.
Until next time,

Laura

The clock read 5:30am and I hopped out of bed.

Wait..rewind!

Me+wide awake cheerfully+5:30am=NOT A NORMAL OCCURRENCE!

but it's true..I woke up super early after going to bed at 7:45 last night. Life is good. :)

There are some amazing things that happen in these early parts of the day I realize now.

I see my husband off to work, I spend time in the quiet with God, hear a sweet message by Chuck Swindol, and drink fresh coffee!

AND I am able to see God's handiwork in the mix of the pink and purple sunrise this morning.

Life IS good!

As soon as this little munchkin wakes up we're going to get dressed and take a morning walk. I'm sure those are pretty fantastic as well.

 

We opened stockings this morning. An old tradition to set them out December 5th and I love it! Christmas comes all month of December this way. We all were awake this morning and we enjoyed seeing what each other had in their stocking.  I picked a few things out for myself too! Cake pans, a candle, cotton candy, and a few other things.

We had fun. :)

Unfortunately i've become a victim in my own home. There was this terrible..i can hardly bare to mention the name..silverfish bug that was scurrying around in the early parts of the morning VERY unwelcome. I tried to kill it but it flopped away after my failed attempt to whack it.

:)

Did you know I have serious bug-a-phobia??

I thank God for people like my father in law who is fearless of spiders, or the way my grandpa Bacon can smack a cockroach with his bare-hand. What brave men! (I'm truly in awe)

So if i never am blessed with a baby girl at least I will have men to take care of the constant bug dilemma our world faces.

so you must realize that my new prayer is that when Jesus and I meet up in heaven I will rejoice not only in the fact that I am Home at last but that this home is bug-free!

I was able to listen to Chuck swindol preach about Jesus this morning. He is one of my favorite teachers.  The man is wise and humble. 

He spoke about the importance of knowing who Jesus was.  We were flipping through the book of Matthew quickly but I discovered a few new things about Jesus this morning.

1. He was rejected by the people from where he grew up. They said 'isn't that the same Jesus that we knew?

2.His own family was embarrassed by him when he began his ministry.

3.When Jesus stood before Pilot behind closed doors he was incredibly bold to this governor.  He was not intimidated by Pilot. 

4.Jesus did this all for me..God allowed his own son to walk in the place where I was meant to walk.

This message will never fully be comprehensible to me, but it makes me surrender my will and allow Him to sit on the throne in my heart.

If you have time I encourage you to read through the gospels this month. And if you can only pick one, then try the book of Matthew. Read it like you've never seen or heard it before. Let yourself learn new things..never fall into the mindset that you know it all. 

Allow God to show you more.

I hope you are having a wonderful morning!

Praying that you would enjoy this day. :)

Laura