Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I had one of those days where my heart was open and raw for all to see.  I've never treasured this book more before this day.  I recently said there is no manual to help you steer through the uncertain and often painful parts of Marriage and I was wrong.  This book is filled with encouragement. After a rough couple days I was encouraged to spend time in God's word through bible study, listening to sermons, and talking.  I sat down tonight and went to insight.org and listened to Charles swindols latest series.  This is how I know God works..It was on the Book of Hosea.  I didn't realize that's where i'd end up but I realized how important faithfulness in marriage is. Of course you're thinking, but look around how many marriages are crumbling.  I was challenged to remember my vows.  What did I even agree to on that day anyways?  It was such a blur of excitement and I missed the key to that day as I promised to love and to cherish this man until the day I die, no matter what.  These vows I said were loaded and I didn't realize how hard it was going to get with the man standing in front of me.
It is embarrassing and the most painful thing to call up a close one and say, 'Things aren't going well'.  I have been so tired of satan in our homes destroying them, one family after the next. What happened to being faithful?  Well tonight I was given a visual of a prophet named Hosea who was an incredible example of God's faithfulness to his people.  Hosea took a woman from a culture of harlots and married her along with having three children.  She left him though and went into a life of prostitution.  She just left him and her children..how can you do that? Where did her conscience go? But God commanded Hosea to buy her back and love her.  As mr. swindol says, 'God commands him to love her, he is a model of God's infinite love for a nation who despised him.'  Hosea modeled the message of God's faithfulness.  That is what God expects of those married.
What about when my needs aren't being met Lord?
You remain faithful. pray, seek the counsel of others, get down on your knees and lift your spouse to God.  cling to scripture and have faith God will work things out.  Don't be proud and try to handle it on your own.  Satan is on a mission to destroy our homes and it's important to guard our hearts against the things of this world.
Sometimes i'm sick because of my own selfishness.  We talk ourselves into a place we never should be.  That is what happened to Eve in the garden.  All satan did was place a thought..and she did the rest.

I once sat across the table with a good friend and we laughed about a few dating books that did us no favors. It was a real eye opener to how much I expect from my husband.  And let me tell you that some of these expectations were down right impossible for him to ever reach.  We humans fail each other.  Marriages aren't excused from that statement.  We fail each other.  And in my marriage there has not always been room for grace.  What about yours? It's hard.  And anyone who makes their marriage look picture perfect is fooling you.  I can tell you people that have been married for 25 years have stories to tell you about how hard it has been.  True intimacy, friendship, and love takes God and time in a marriage.  And some of us aren't willing to wait and fight through the moments that seem unbearable.  But do..because I look at my parents and see something rare and beautiful.  Two people that are walking through life together, best friends.  I see my grandparents who have experienced life together with children, grandchildren, testing of their faith, death, and they're a picture of grace. They aren't just roommates, they LOVE each other.  I'm not sugar coating this..it's what I was raised around and it's been a blessing.
I don't want to make my marriage out to be something awful but I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you how hard it is.  We are going through tough times and need people to come alongside of us because satan is coming way too close for comfort.  Last night I looked at my husband and said, 'I want God to use our marriage one day as a testimony of His grace and love.'  I meant that with all my heart.  So tonight i'm praying to love my husband in a deeper way that comes only from God.

I think we are going to have to make tough choices coming up in these next weeks and i'd rather stay with the familiar because I hate change but we need to follow God's best for us.
A year ago life was simpler and I was walking through life at the tallest mountains.  Right now i'm walking through valleys but am grateful to God for walking me through with the help of family and close friends.  This is part of life i'm afraid to say, but lessons are being learned and I need this.

On a lighter note..:) I have a cold! The kind that progresses through the day and knocks you out in the evenings.  I've dug out the Kleenex and tea which are comforting to this very congested girl! So it's time to go lay down and get some rest.  Darren is out with the guys from church and his choice food to bring was mcdonalds french fries :).

Talk to you again real soon! Thank you for sticking with me.  I know this wasn't the most cheerful post!

Monday, October 3, 2011

i'm here, i'm here! i'm sorry for not being all here with my blog.  I wish that I could fill you in on every detail that's been going on but sometimes there are some things best kept in.  Whenever i'm going through something I tend to stay away from my blog because I have the problem of 'over-sharing' Please understand! It's for the best :) But i'm glad to be writing tonight and settling back into my place here. 
This is my boy. He is an INCREDIBLE little boy who each day reminds me how to enjoy the simple things in life.  Right now we play peek-a-boo a lot. The greatest part is how it never gets old to him, but eventually i'm too tired from popping up and down from behind the couch.  I love to kiss his cheeks and tell him how sweet he is.  Sometimes we read out of his story bible and other times we read books but he always seems more interested in how edible the book is.
He's one smiley kid which makes my day to day life really nice.  He has his bad days of course but thankfully I've got the patience for those days because we have so many great ones! Yes, i'm bragging about my boy but what mother doesn't?
He is just about ready to start crawling, i'm accepting prayers for this next phase! That i'd have energy to chase him around :).

This past sunday in church we heard a really good message about faith. I loved being in church and looking at these people that i'm starting to know and already love dearly.  We meet in a middle school auditorium and it's a very simple feel.  But we're being challenged and I see that God is working in the lives of these people and my own.  I like supporting these people and being there for them.  Garrett is sometimes all alone in the nursery but when I peek in he is sitting there next to a few girls adoring him and i'm thankful for that.  It's been a blessing to serve God sunday mornings in the preschool class.  These kids have my heart.  We combined classes last sunday with the four year olds.  They're funny, sweet, and easy to make smile.  It's fun to get down on their level and look in their eyes and say, 'now where is that beautiful smile of yours, i haven't seen it all morning!' and have them giggle away.  The craziest thing is God had to continue to push the need for me to help out in this ministry.  And i'm sad because I waited this long! I can be selfish of my time, but God knows how we have a need to serve and i'm seeing how important it is.

Then there are these freshman girls that I want to know more and more about after each sunday night.  We didn't have small groups yesterday and I felt really bummed over it.  They're girls worth looking forward to spending time with.  I look at them and see how fragile yet STRONG they are.  Each one different but when they're all together it makes for one amazing group. 

I had a very productive day. Sometimes when a lot of things are going on in my heart I get into a 'cleaning mood'.  So my home is neat, and the laundry is getting done quickly, and we had a delicious meal with no bake cookies! I have had two glasses of cider today and squeezed in a run.  I had no problem taking care of all of Garrett's feedings, bath, diaper changes, and now the day is done.  I feel good. :)

Talk to you tomorrow!
Congrats to my brother in law Pete for becoming a Certified Flight Instructor (CFI).  Really proud of you! Enjoy this next chapter!