Thursday, January 27, 2011

This home is filled with a quiet peace. From the foyer to the back closet in the nursery...everything is still.  This morning I kissed Darren goodbye, one day later than expected!
The easiest way for me to explain how I handle the first day he's gone is that I clean.  I scrub the toilets, wash dishes, do laundry, and grocery shop. I save it all for the day he goes and then my mind is wrapped up for hours in chores and errands.  The wonderful thing about handling it this way is that by the end of the day I'm tired, and it holds true tonight! 
I went to the commissary and strolled down the isles in no frantic rush.  I really enjoyed thinking over my purchases and feeling my son moving around the entire time.  Half way through the store I bumped into a fellow coupon user. She had a giant binder that I admired and there in the light bulb/cleaning supply isle she shared with me the 'know how' to using coupons. She even went as far as to offer me a couple diaper coupons! I loved that on this day I wasn't alone and in the grocery store a friendly woman shared some of her secrets with me.
I had told Darren the other day how much it stinks when he is gone and at the end of the day I haven't talked to anyone.  But clearly God had me covered today!
I realized around five that we didn't eat today and quickly grabbed a sandwich.  Maybe that was why Garrett was kicking around so much this afternoon?
I want so badly for Darren to walk through the front door and take of his boots and cap and find me for my 'hello kiss'.  I know it's a couple weeks and that it could be longer but it hurts tonight sitting on the couch wishing he was here.  (I don't mean to bum you out!) God is going to bless me during these next few weeks and I'm loving that.  I love having confidence in God, knowing He won't let me down.  He isn't going to change the circumstance I find myself in but He is definitely going to provide for my needs because He cares for me. 

I love my husband.  I could write hours and hours about him and why I love him and what is special about him.  It comes down to the fact that he is my best friend.  This past month spent with him was the best month I've ever experienced in our marriage. Sometimes I love to dream of what our relationship will look like when we're older.  I don't picture us sitting in a rocking chair on a porch.  I picture us going to a baseball game having a hard time climbing the steps and him putting his hand on my back to make sure I don't tumble down.  I picture laughing a lot with him the way we do now.  I trust that God will still be at the center of our hearts as we're growing closer to Christ alongside one another. 
When Darren comes home we're going to be having a baby.  I wonder lately if all husbands make their pregnant wives feel this beautiful? I know that my body has expanded and I'm starting to look a little bloated but Darren has done nothing but love on me and tell me I'm beautiful.  I can't thank God enough for a good man!  I don't have to change my body to keep it younger looking because God blessed me with security in who I am and it helps to have a husband who finds me attractive!  It's going to happen, one day I'm going to start sagging and getting wrinkly but beauty comes from within.  Oh no I'm going off on a tangent! Sorry :) That's a post for another day!
I wanted to tell you how excited I am at the thought of going into labor and having my husband there to walk me through those hours.  If he doesn't pass out it will be wonderful to hold his hand. :) He has warned me! We're bringing our son into the world together and it's going to be a special day for us.  Darren knows me like no one else, he allows me to come to him and be honest.  The other night I was able to share with him just how scared I was to be a mom and asked how I'm going to do this.  I'm not alone though, he will be there walking with me through this next chapter in our marriage. 
So for tonight I'm wrapping my arms around my belly, spending time in God's word, and kneeling before God asking for comfort.  Can't wait to share with you how God works over these next few weeks in my heart.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Whether it's one month or seven months it's still hard to say goodbye. There's no getting around the fact that time apart from the guy you love stinks!  I've been telling others and myself that Darren is only leaving for about a month and it's not that bad.  Yet when it comes down to facing the days and hours ahead without him, I'm not feeling brave. 
The importance of my attitude in this time apart is key to supporting Darren.  He needs to see that although I will miss him, that I'm supportive of his job.  After he comes home we are going to have a lot of time together and focusing on that has helped.
I was told it's perfectly acceptable to crawl up in my heavenly father's lap when I need to be comforted.  As much as I feel God's hand pressing and molding me he has always allowed me to come before him and say, 'hey this hurts and I don't want to go through it, but for whatever reason you've called me here I want to glorify you through it but I need to rest'.  We're going to face situations that seem like the worst case scenario for our lives but I've come to learn God has a plan and purpose for each of us.  I want to focus on serving God and preparing for motherhood during this time. 

Speaking of are two pictures from Sunday...I hit 35 weeks! Wow! Where is the time going?

I'm going to miss this pregnant belly and the sweet moments this pregnancy has drawn in. I will never forget the morning at my sisters when I woke up before everyone else and took that test.  That small plus sign changed my life and as I stood staring down in disbelief I prayed, 'God, is this really happening!?' I was thrilled, and I quickly woke Darren up to tell him. 
That first appointment they did an ultra sound and he looked like a peanut hanging there.  A few weeks after Darren left I noticed some spotting and decided to call and they had me come in right away to see what was going on.  I prayed that God would protect my baby and let him be okay but that if not he would provide me with the strength to walk through a miscarriage.  Hearing the doctor say everything was fine as we listened to his heartbeat and even saw it made me tear up and I praised God! As I was walking out the nurse stopped me and told me that I handled that all so well.  I know it's because of Christ...
I have been able to share this pregnancy with family and friends making it a great experience! 
I love looking at the 'growing belly' pictures and thinking back over the last 8 months, it's been an adventure!

Last night I was organizing the nursery by putting books and teensy toys away which led me to acknowledge how happy I am.  I'm ready for this friends...the crazy sleepless nights go right along with it but I'm ready to love on our baby boy.  I don't know what the months ahead will look like for sure, but I do trust that God will provide.  He has always been faithful and as I walk into motherhood I am at perfect peace knowing Christ is leading me.

And last but certainly not least, we started going to a new church and love it! The people are wonderful and I'm looking forward to the friendships we'll make there. This past Sunday we started a lesson in our Sunday school class on marriage.  We're both thankful that God answered a prayer by blessing us with a new church family.

Here's to one more night with my sweetheart! I am going to miss him so much again, please pray that his cruise goes well. Thanks!