Thursday, January 27, 2011

This home is filled with a quiet peace. From the foyer to the back closet in the nursery...everything is still.  This morning I kissed Darren goodbye, one day later than expected!
The easiest way for me to explain how I handle the first day he's gone is that I clean.  I scrub the toilets, wash dishes, do laundry, and grocery shop. I save it all for the day he goes and then my mind is wrapped up for hours in chores and errands.  The wonderful thing about handling it this way is that by the end of the day I'm tired, and it holds true tonight! 
I went to the commissary and strolled down the isles in no frantic rush.  I really enjoyed thinking over my purchases and feeling my son moving around the entire time.  Half way through the store I bumped into a fellow coupon user. She had a giant binder that I admired and there in the light bulb/cleaning supply isle she shared with me the 'know how' to using coupons. She even went as far as to offer me a couple diaper coupons! I loved that on this day I wasn't alone and in the grocery store a friendly woman shared some of her secrets with me.
I had told Darren the other day how much it stinks when he is gone and at the end of the day I haven't talked to anyone.  But clearly God had me covered today!
I realized around five that we didn't eat today and quickly grabbed a sandwich.  Maybe that was why Garrett was kicking around so much this afternoon?
I want so badly for Darren to walk through the front door and take of his boots and cap and find me for my 'hello kiss'.  I know it's a couple weeks and that it could be longer but it hurts tonight sitting on the couch wishing he was here.  (I don't mean to bum you out!) God is going to bless me during these next few weeks and I'm loving that.  I love having confidence in God, knowing He won't let me down.  He isn't going to change the circumstance I find myself in but He is definitely going to provide for my needs because He cares for me. 

I love my husband.  I could write hours and hours about him and why I love him and what is special about him.  It comes down to the fact that he is my best friend.  This past month spent with him was the best month I've ever experienced in our marriage. Sometimes I love to dream of what our relationship will look like when we're older.  I don't picture us sitting in a rocking chair on a porch.  I picture us going to a baseball game having a hard time climbing the steps and him putting his hand on my back to make sure I don't tumble down.  I picture laughing a lot with him the way we do now.  I trust that God will still be at the center of our hearts as we're growing closer to Christ alongside one another. 
When Darren comes home we're going to be having a baby.  I wonder lately if all husbands make their pregnant wives feel this beautiful? I know that my body has expanded and I'm starting to look a little bloated but Darren has done nothing but love on me and tell me I'm beautiful.  I can't thank God enough for a good man!  I don't have to change my body to keep it younger looking because God blessed me with security in who I am and it helps to have a husband who finds me attractive!  It's going to happen, one day I'm going to start sagging and getting wrinkly but beauty comes from within.  Oh no I'm going off on a tangent! Sorry :) That's a post for another day!
I wanted to tell you how excited I am at the thought of going into labor and having my husband there to walk me through those hours.  If he doesn't pass out it will be wonderful to hold his hand. :) He has warned me! We're bringing our son into the world together and it's going to be a special day for us.  Darren knows me like no one else, he allows me to come to him and be honest.  The other night I was able to share with him just how scared I was to be a mom and asked how I'm going to do this.  I'm not alone though, he will be there walking with me through this next chapter in our marriage. 
So for tonight I'm wrapping my arms around my belly, spending time in God's word, and kneeling before God asking for comfort.  Can't wait to share with you how God works over these next few weeks in my heart.


Anonymous said... really is okay to feel exactly how you feel. Your head knows God is there with you. Your heart knows it, too. But sometimes, we just miss the ones we love, more than all the chocolate pudding in the world. We want to feel their arms around us, and we want to hear them laugh with us. We trust that God will fill those quiet moments with His voice, His -- just, His everything.

Then, when the right time comes, after toilets are cleaned, groceries are put away, jammies are put on and the baby has sent us to the bathroom for the umpteenth time, we sit on the couch, thankful for the day. Thankful to be loved. Thankful to be able to share with others just how undeniably blessed you are.

And we are blessed by that, many times over. :-)


Kara Amstutz said...

I am praying for you, Laura! Love you!