Friday, May 7, 2010

Happy Friday! And a HUGE thank you to all of the military spouses around the world. Reagen made sure there was a day that recognized us and i'm really thankful for that! (good man!) Between deployments, dirty diapers, keeping the house clean, juggling activities, missing your husband, and keeping everything together you are strong women!

Today i went to a luncheon that was really nice! They really did pamper us girls and i needed it! The speaker talked about always feeling lost when people asked what she did. That question always haunts me! I related with her because i always feel a little lost when someone asks me that question. As though what i'm doing isn't good enough. As a military spouse you go into it knowing you're going to have to make sacrifices. But no one can fully prepare you for what that actually means. I realize now that for me it means i will have to take school at a slower pace and because of the moves it will require a few different schools along the way. I will have to make do when he needs to be there for his job and not be mopey! When the time comes that we start having kids i will have to make even more sacrifices. Darren will not always be there to help me out and i may have to raise our children without him being present as times. I DO HAVE GOOD NEWS! God doesn't let you stand all alone. He PROVIDES! Through family and friends that he's placed in my life i've seen how true he is to taking care of me.

It's hard to be married to the military. I'm only just entering this new chapter in our lives and i have moments i am very scared. But before i have time to think about it along comes a friend! God surely will provide for our needs. So a big thank you to all the military spouses!

This past week my husband and I went to the braves game. It was a blast! After feeling a bit distant from him lately it was very rejuvenating to have a night out doing something we both love! A baseball game! We talked a lot and laughed the entire night! The braves even pulled through for us and won. There was a lot of little things in our marriage that weren't huge issues but were becoming more noticeable and we were able to communicate with each other in a healthy way. I am even more in love with him because of moments like that! It's amazing to watch your husband grow and to be able to say he is a man after God's heart makes me smile so much! I need his leadership and faith in God like i need oxygen. The relationship he has with God shapes him into an incredible man and the husband i need! Also, it helps me as a wife to thrive and meet his needs on a whole new level. We are two imperfect people but we're crazy about each other. I know as Christ makes his way to the center of our hearts and as we walk in obedience with Him, our marriage becomes exactly the thing that glorifies him. God wants to see marriages work and he will answer prayers that a miracle would happen to save this marriage. I stand first hand telling you to HOLD ON if your feeling lonely, out in the dark, not important, etc. God has a plan and purpose for your life. At times i am far to concerned with what Darren is not doing that i neglect to see my own sin. Let God be God, and you be that cute wife that pours love out to your husband. Again...don't trash talk ladies! It's not going to fix your marriage. If you need to talk to someone, first pray and then find a good family member, or close friend that will listen but give you encouraging advice. I praise God that my husband has not ever bad mouthed me to family and friends. People don't need to see all of our dirty laundry. I think of the woman in proverbs 31 who praised her husband! Please go back and read that passage, it's something we woman need to see. Not to perfect her but see her as a model of how we should be as woman.

Well I am itching to get out of here for our weekend getaway! It's going to be so nice to spend more time together and the two of us are in a great place in our marriage to celebrate and enjoy each other! God has blessed us richly, and i'm very thankful for that. I will post pictures when we get back.
Okay to end on a happy note, It's time for a fun story. This morning i woke up at four to take darren to work and a huge moth flew and other huge yucky bug flew in. As we were walking out i realized...'Wait i'm going to have to go back in there and find them when i come back..ughhh' I'm just not awake that early enough to hunt bugs. Well i hardly had time to hunt because as i walked in and ran to the kitchen to get the fly swatter (i thought i had time thinking they'd be in the stairway) the moth attacked me! :o it was in the kitchen flying very fast! So there i am around four in the morning screaming and doing my 'i've got the Ibbie jeebies' dance! It was probably quite funny to watch but i was freaking out and running into the living room, then running back into the kitchen swinging the fly swatter around like a mad woman! I missed every time of course. Then it flew into the stairway. Yes friends, i stood downstairs for a lonnnnggg time to afraid to run upstairs. The moth landed pretty high up in the staircase and the other nasty bug was around there too. I quickly schemed to get squishy baseballs to throw at them. Of course i missed and then realized i was acting crazy and was needing to go back to bed! Well they both disappeared and now i'm jumping for joy that i'm leaving and don't have to deal with them! But you better believe i've been looking everywhere for them. It's the little things in life like this that crack me up! I am seriously considering hiring someone to come live with me to help fight the creepy crawlers. ;)
To my future babies, i am sorry ahead of time! You're mommy is the biggest wimp when it comes to killing bugs, but i'll always give you a good laugh.
Enjoy your weekend everyone!

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Good evening!

I've been sitting on my computer for a little while and decided i should really write something! Writing is always something that blesses me more than i can explain. It formulates clear sentences and ideas from all the jumbled mess that goes on inside my head! The verses referring to being still before God are always the hardest for me! The thoughts roll in one by one and then the depths of those thoughts have levels you couldn't believe. We'll call me a 'deep thinker' and leave it at that! Sometimes it does drive me crazy because i have a lot of random thoughts about things i read and can't come to a conclusion.
For example, this issue about Jennifer Knapp coming out of the closet has my mind in tangles. There is a lot of really sad thoughts with this issue forcing to push me down and it's a battle. Jennifer Knapp was one of my favorite musicians and throughout high school I clung to the lyrics she wrote for life support at times. Her song 'refine me', and 'hold me now' were my two favorite. They were songs filled with such raw emotion and yet uplifting. She left the music scene in 2003 and disappeared for awhile. I always wondered where she went but didn't think too much on the matter. Then last week while reading an entry from Addison road's blog it mentioned Jennifer Knapp being a homosexual. The Bible refers to homosexuality as a sin. We may not agree but from reading the bible it is pretty clear God is not okay with it. I do not put this particular sin above others though, sin is sin. I am upset about the fact that Jennifer Knapp is justifying her sin. She has been gone for 7 years, traveling and five of those years with her partner in Australia. Now she is coming back to play music again, and although there are mixed reviews from many fans I'm still shaking my head. As i read through interviews there is an underlying discomfort for her. I'm thankful for that! To come back into the spotlight and claim God is okay with sin and then write what i call 'angry music' aimed towards the church, well i'm just wondering why? This story angers me and i'm left trying to pick up the pieces of a young girl that adored this artist only to find out her music was probably written at a time she was trying to figure out her struggle. (It's disturbing)
Sin is messy. I don't not like Jennifer Knapp but i can't listen to her music anymore. It's not because she's a homosexual. It's because she is making statements that God is okay with her sin. Aren't we always trying to justify sin? We are too afraid to call sin what it is. I'm a sinner and there are certain times i try to justify why i sinned. I could write a book on this very topic. Our world and the blame game! We all have been at fault for this at one time in our life. It's not natural to fight sin, but the way God rewards you for struggling through to victory is incredible. I don't know what jennifer knapp is going through, i don't have her thoughts and battles but the worst thing for me to do is bad mouth her. Her lifestyle is a sin and there are at least three places in the Bible that make reference to that. However, it's not my place to point any fingers because if i remember correctly pride is mentioned WAY more in the bible then homosexuality. Right now i'm working on praying for her and committing all my thoughts on this to God.

Moving along! Currently i am drugged up on suddefed pe. The way it knocks me out is wonderful but when i come back to the sickness is still there! Bummer. I've been sick since Tuesday with sinus junk. It's now almost Monday and i'm still sneezing, coughing, and stuffy nosed. I am at the stage where the Kleenex is piling up on my nightstand and i'm wondering why i dont bring a trash can next to the bed. I tried to run friday and that was a huge mistake! I started running and hardly made a dent into my two miles because i was sneezing and wheezing. I walked the rest of the way completely miserable! I tried to soak up the beauty of the sun and some quiet time with God but i admitted to him i couldn't wait to be inside! I love being outside but i'm thinking this is allergies. I read tonight that the pollen around here is very high. I didn't know i had allergies but this can't be a cold. It's lasting way too long! Now comes the not so fun part. I know this isn't getting better and my friends told me to go to the doctor but i just hate the doctors! I hate going alone, having someone inspect me, not having any idea whats going on, and waiting around for what seems to be forever. Am i alone on this? But...tomorrow i'm going to call and make an app. because i need medicine! Funny, i'm wrapping this paragraph up and i sneezed! It's official i need to go see a doctor. :)

Part of growing as a christian is going through the fire to be refined. It's not an easy or fun process obviously but i know whenever it happens it's for a good reason. During these times i learn hard lessons, or realize God is bringing sin to my attention. The purpose of this is for His glory, so that i may become more like Christ. That knowledge alone brings a huge amount of peace to my heart. This past week i've been feeling a lot and missing my husband like crazy. I am so hard on myself when it comes to walking with God. I wanted to share a very personal experience in hopes that it may encourage you!
Thursday i was talking to the lord and praising him for bringing me some really great friends into my life that are very fun! Also the fact that I know He is working in their lives and i have the chance to see that is incredible. I was looking forward to getting our toes done and having dinner saturday night. (it turned out to be a lot of fun, and we have cute toes now!) Anyways before my class i had some time so i was listening to music on my phone (Pandora radio), when a great song came on! Addison Road's, "What do i know of holy". I was sitting on the side of my bed praising God and singing this song to him. The place i sang from was not on my bed but from a place in my heart that used to be an empty corner filled with sin, that He had over time filled with Himself. An overwhelming sense of awe spilled over through song. I don't have God figured out, and it's not easy to walk this road. Some days it's scary because it can be lonely if you don't force yourself into His presence. This experience of joy came from a long journey of surrendering a place in my heart i hadn't given to him. I want to encourage you to surrender all of your life to God. He loves you, and that's why he sent Jesus. So that you could have a more abundant life. Honestly, you were made for him and if you still have the emptiness inside, please sit back and think about making a decision to let God into your heart.

In the next few weeks Darren and I will find out where we'll be going next in June. I am excited to know but strangely i can't see myself moving to another state next month. Seems like we settled into our home yesterday! These are the times i'm reminded i'm married to a Sailor. :) Please pray for us as we find out where we're going next. Mainly for a peaceful transition, these moves can be hectic! Thanks so much!
Alright well i'm going to watch some more i love lucy and take more medicine so that i can fall asleep! I slept from 6-9 tonight...did i mention my sleep schedule is all sorts of messed up!