Friday, March 25, 2011

One Month

My sweet baby is one month old!

Here are some photographs we captured today

I love his smiley face!

he is precious

yawning :)

sleepy baby

I love his toes!

~Our Birth story~
(in the form of a letter to Garrett)

Dear Garrett,
One beautiful sunny Thursday, February 24th I woke up feeling pain inside and wondering if this could be the day you arrived.  Grandma Bacon was here and we went to pick out the fabric for your quilt. It was hard to focus as the contractions came but I was oddly comforted by the cozy quilt shop we were in.  Poor grandma hurried to get the fabrics cut only to find out the contractions started to subside! All of your aunts were sending messages back and forth with me and I was getting more excited realizing this could be the day. Well we sat around all day and the pain became more intense with each hour.  Grandma and Daddy stared at me all evening i'm pretty sure and then we decided to get some rest.  Then they became worse and I could have cried! I started to get excited and scared because I was afraid of what could all happen.  I kneeled by the bed and swayed hoping it would help ease the pain and poor daddy stood by not really knowing what to do. It was time to leave for the hospital! With the long list of contractions in hand, hospital bags, and an anxious heart we headed out.  We came to the hospital around midnight and in the first room they checked me and hooked me up to machines.  We heard your heartbeat and I couldn't believe we were going to meet you soon.  The nurse gave me the most cozy socks i've ever worn! (Daddy actually put them on for me)
I had my very first IV and then was sent to the next room.  I settled in the bed and my new nurse was wonderful.  I was given an epidural later on and that woman will never be forgotten.  She was funny and kind! Dad actually stayed in the room for a little while then had to get up and leave for a minute after the epidural. It was weird feeling because on my entire left side I could still feel the contractions and was having to breathe through them like I'd practiced.  I started pressing my 'fun button' that would give more of the drug and then the nurse came in awhile later and joked about that, but i decided to tell her it was funny how I could feel everything on my left side.  The nice lady came back and took care of that and it was nice to relax again.  I could still feel contractions but it was wonderful for them not to be as intense.
Then the nurse came in to check me and she said 'whoa! you're ready to go!' a blink of an eye the room was full of people.  I saw your station all set up and thought 'he is going to be here, I can't believe it!'. I felt on top of the world and ready to push you out.  The doctor had daddy/grandma switch of holding my leg, that was funny with them having to trade off because they were a little queasy. 
The doctor called me 'little momma' as she encouraged me to push. They were very serious but kind and I pushed..oh who knew I could push that hard.  Hanging from the wall was a small collecting of dust and I stared hard at that focusing. I only pushed for 20 minutes but on that last push they all became very serious telling me on this one I needed to get you out.  I didn't know what was wrong but I pushed as hard as I could and then they pulled you out. Our faces met as she pulled you up and I cried tears of joy. You were beautiful and I loved you more than anything.  I thanked God over and over...and then time moved on and it felt like forever that you were on the other side of the room.  They were saying things about your color and being pale and I was shaking and starting to get scared.  Then a woman came in and looked you over and looked over at me realizing I was in tears and she reassured me you were okay and then they wrapped you up and as they fixed me up grandma and daddy held you.  Apparently the cord was wrapped around your neck and that's why everyone became serious on that last push. Praise God you were healthy and happy!
Then they were able to hand you to me and this heart melted! You were perfect my sweet boy.  I kissed you and stared for a long time taking you in.
Garrett you were born at 5:26a.m! That is really early just so you're aware. :) Weighing in at 7lbs 15oz, and you were 19 3/4 inches.  That tiny head of yours was full of hair and I loved it!  There was goopy stuff all over your eyes but i'd hoped that you knew it was me. 
We stayed in the hospital until sunday and mrs. donna loved you! She was our day nurse and took great care of both you and I.  She fought for us and I love her for that! We didn't get off to a good start with you being tongue-tied and they weren't able to snip it on the weekend.  I was scared and overwhelmed because I wanted to breastfeed except you couldn't latch on with your tongue being the way it was.  We decided to pump and syringe feed you and then daddy went out and bought a 'nipple shield' which mommy now hates today but at the time it's what we need.  You loved it :). 
I loved staying with you in the hospital and holding your cute self! But it was nice to get to take you home.  We put you in real clothes and said goodbye to mrs. donna and headed home.  I love you baby boy! Thank you for giving me an incredibly easy pregnancy and then an amazing birth experience. 

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

I didn't know what being a mom was fully going to entail.  Knowing that I loved him with all my heart was a good start.  I didn't know the type of responsibility being a mother was but thankfully God knew.  He also knew I was ready and with a little encouragement and love from Him through the people around me I would thrive. 
Each day Garrett hears a story from his new story bible.  We learned about Noah this morning and how he obeyed God and how we should obey God too. Sharing God with him in these stories has been really special.  He doesn't understand yet but I cherish being the one to teach him about the one that loves him more than I ever could. One day we will find his first bible and may the pages be well worn and read over. 
A godly parent requires more than opening up a children's story bible and saying a short prayer with your child.  It is living a life that shines Christ and reflects the very attitude of The King.  Which means taking time yourself to dig into God's word and having a daily relationship with him that includes talking with Him.  It's not easy to follow God because as I've learned it takes discipline and I happen to be lazy and self-centered. Thankfully, He is patient, loving, and always forgiving. 

During this pregnancy I was overjoyed to become a mom and meet my son.  Somewhere along the way I lost that God given joy as it was replaced with endless worries.  Our culture has an opinion about everything of course and they don't shy away from throwing in advice about how you parent.  There is two sides to every issue and each side has a pretty good argument.  It almost reminds me of is incredible how a person can become so heated over whether or not you should put your child on a schedule, if they should use a pacifier, and many more small issues on the right way to take care of your child.  It's not my desire to mess up because I want the best for Garrett.  But i'm ..slowly..learning
here is a few things
1.Garrett is going to cry because he is a baby.  It's okay if he cries! It doesn't mean I'm a bad mom, sometimes it means he has gas and in time he'll feel better.  Sometimes he is too tired and needs to be bundled up and 'shushed'. 
2.Garrett isn't going to die if I stretch his feedings out to 2-3 hours.  He was eating for 5-10 min every hour and that is no way to live. I will never want to leave the house with a situation like that.  So we stretched him and you know what..he ate longer and slept longer.  Which meant I SLEPT! :) meaning this is one happy mommy!
3.Sometimes I'm going to have to do what my gut instinct says because God created me as a woman..and he created woman to be moms with an instinct to know their child.  Each day I learn him more and more and it's incredible to start to just know what is up with him. 
4. I don't get a schedule at the beginning of the day stating when he will sleep or eat or how long each will be.  I have accepted that finally and am more at peace now and am able to be a better mom. 
5.It's going to be hard sometimes.  But God is going to provide family and friends with direction, encouragement, and reassurance.
6.I have one incredible teammate in my husband.  Who changes diapers, helps me give G a bath, comes home and wants to hold his son, talks about how cute he is, and who is caring deeply for me too. I know my body changed but the guy has made me feel more beautiful now than before.  I confessed feeling awful about my body and he said he doesn't see the stretch marks, he only sees Garrett.  He loves me and it's not shallow becuase he isn't like that.  I was blessed with a good man who has a great heart. 
Being a mom is the most incredible thing and I'm in love with my baby.  He makes me happy with his sweet toothless grins and desire to snuggle right now.  Who knows if I'm using the right products or techniques, but thank God that we don't have to learn to love our child! I won't ever pick up my phone and type in anything related to 'how do you love your child'.  but my days for googling all other baby things has only just begun.  God is showing loads of grace during this time and patiently waiting for me to see that worrying isn't helping.  Thank you lord for knowing me and letting me have sweet wake up calls! I'm blessed to have Garrett and Darren.

Exhale**That was said in one breath pretty much :) I wonder if my grammar and punctuation errors are worse than normal these days because there's no time to go back and review!  Maybe one day if I put together a book you'll be pleasantly surprised to read my perfect sentences. :)
Thank you for reading my ramblings on motherhood today, I still owe you the birth story! Maybe tomorrow?