Saturday, November 26, 2011

Romans 12:19-20
19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”[a] says the Lord. 20 On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

A part of blogging that I dislike is that there is no one stopping you from posting too much. It's a blank page waiting for anything that's on your mind. There is no going back on what you say either.  So far in the years of posting i've had a limited number of entries I regret. For example maybe I shared a little too much or lost my cool.  
Unfortunately my last post was definitely one that I woke up the next morning kicking myself for.  Please forgive me!

I read the verse above this afternoon.  I had been struggling with a conflict and didn't know how to best handle it. I realized God continues to love me aside from all of my issues and even though I tried to justify a decision I made the other day as time went on my heart grew colder and my choice didn't seem to line up with what I knew was in God's word.  It led to a conviction that i had this afternoon to continue to love.
To live well is to have loved well i'm learning.
We are going to hurt each other because we're human but being able to love despite how we feel is God loving through us I believe.

It's a gift to be able to let go of hurt feelings.  I don't want to be a girl that holds onto grudges or refuses to forgive.  That is just not me!
I'm thankful for these lessons today.

Being a mother is such a fun job.  Of course there are moments someone is pulling my hair out (did you catch that?!) but overall it's a rewarding role.  I have this incredible little person in my care daily.  He is growing and becoming more independent and discovering the world.  I don't know if you have been around children much but they are fascinated by the most simplest things.  You develop an appreciation for the small things as well as you're following them around.  Who knew a Kleenex could hold my attention for so long! Or that bouncing a ball off the wall would result in a little man laughing his socks off practically! 
I can't wait for the years ahead for him.  I make sure to tell him it's a good thing God has given me an abundance of patience because he is too busy.

Today my friend Amy sent me a text asking if I wanted to have coffee and it was such a great time.  I always love to see her because she makes me laugh hard every time! ..and i love to laugh. We're looking forward to the bible study her husband and her will be hosting. 
It's fun to have a coffee buddy! 

Now it's time for me to hit the gym.  One day when i'm in heaven i'm going to be super excited to not have to work out! Have a wonderful evening!

I tried uploading pictures but am having some issues. The pictures are loading sideways? (Help)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

*We're sitting on her couch talking through what's occurred in her marriage and as the words come out i'm brokenhearted for her.  She said she was going to leave her husband and I couldn't bear it.  We met many times after and I encouraged her to stay but she left him.

*She thinks i'm wrong when I say to be careful with that man who in her eyes is only a friend but I know it could lead to more. Our friendship was broken for a painful time.

*I warn her that that guy she wants to date is bad news because I know him personally.  I want to protect her from him.

*I tell her that she is beautiful and gifted and I don't want to risk hurting her but am honest with how her negative spirit is not doing her any good.  I try to bring her to my God.  I want her to find healing. She doesn't receive it well.

*I get a phone call and she wants to kill herself.  She says that she can't deal with life anymore and I talk her through one of the most difficult calls i've ever received.  She now is living but still very lost.

*We sit across from each other in a restaurant and she tells me her husband isn't good to her anymore and I plead with her and call upon God to give me the right words.  She moves across the states though and leaves her husband.   

6 different woman.  All wandering down a path I know all too well and I want to protect them I want to lead them back to safety.  Some of them ended up getting upset with me and it crushed our friendships, others simply nodded their heads and moved along with their plans.  I had a valid desire to see them restored back to living life well.  But as these different woman have come into my life brought by God I have to ask what am I doing wrong?  Is being a good friend simply nodding your head and watching them mess up? I don't know..

If I disobeyed my parents corrected me.  I hated to be told that I was doing something wrong because I wanted them to always praise me and think I was wonderful of course. :) (that would be the pride in me!) But I NEEDED their correction and structure to become the woman I am today. My parents are the first people to love me for who I am and show compassion but they are also the first ones to confront me when i've lost my way or am headed down a sinful path.  I'm grateful for that..I see life different because of them. 
I have grown up with a God who corrects me constantly.  Oh, but the way He loves me is like nothing i've experienced before.  There have been moments he seems to crush me only to build me up into a more loving, tough, strong woman. 
When my husband confronted me about my constant negative comments awhile back and how i was better than that, It hurt me! How dare he tell me that, who was he to say something so bold, but then I thought and I knew that was the Lord saying, 'Laura, you have been negative, you aren't happy' and I knew they both loved me and wanted me at my best.
When done in love criticism can be used for building a person up.  I have been developing quite a backbone and not a hard heart to people.  I'm thankful for this!
I'm going to make mistakes and say too much but as those that know me will claim that 'laura cares too much'.  In my heart there is a soft place for woman and this desire to see them thriving and loving God and other's well. 
But I am faced with this truth tonight;

They are human.  Real woman with real issues and I am not God.  I don't have the power to fix them or patch them back up.  I will do my best to love who God brings in my life but I will certainly not allow a person to pull me down in hopes that I can help them. I will listen to my spiritual gut when it says back away in peace and don't say a thing. 
I hope that I can learn to be the best kind of friend to those in my life.  I pray for healthy friendships and authentic ones at that! 
I have been blessed with four sisters (two are in laws but goodness they're definitely sisters to me!) and they have been through more life then me and are walking me through the times i'm not sure what i'm doing!  I'm blessed because of them.
I have two mothers who care for me.  My momma is the best thing to happen to me I like to tell God! I realized i'm just like her in so many ways.  I never appreciated her when I was in high school, but now as I get older and love her deeper and deeper I realize she is exactly who I want to be like and i'm proud to say that. 
I have a mother in law who has done nothing but love me since the day she met me.  We're able to chat on the phone and keep in touch.  We've had many hours of conversations that have shaped me into who I am today.  She is the example of a loving mother that I'm so thankful for!
Then I have these friends over the course of my life who stand out. Mentors, school friends,from church camps, Church friends, the navy, and random people i'vei've already had enough meaningful friendships to last me a lifetime. 
So when I feel crushed by a friend my heavenly father takes me hand and turns me around and points me back to all the ones in my life who he has lovingly placed for a purpose.  Then He reminds me of his love for me and my need to trust that he is big enough to deal with the people I hurt for. 

One day I will find a healthy balance when conflicts arise with certain friends.  I pray that God would continue to let my heart grow warmer and not cold (Matthew 24:12) and that i'd have compassion with an understanding that sometimes all I can do is pray for a friend and be there.

I wonder if you struggle with the same thing as me? 
Thank you lord for having enough grace for a girl like me!


Moving on!
Can't wait to post about thanksgiving :)
I did make a pie! and we are looking forward to a nice dinner with friends. I have Garrett's 'first thanksgiving' bib all ready to go and can't wait to spend it with my two boys. 
I sort of made a big meal tonight because I was in one of those cooking moods but my husband barely touched his meal and has been asleep since he got home.  That is the life after most duty days. :)

So here is what I'm thankful for;
My husband
Garrett Hudson of course!
My great big family who are my favorite people
Having self-control when it comes to food
My sweet savior who I love more and more each day.

okay, it's your turn! I could go on forever..
What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

I love to bake.  
Not being in the kitchen much since having Garrett wasn't intentional but as the holidays approach out came the apron, bowls, chocolate chips, and rubber spatulas! I'm all settled into my kitchen and am comfortable following along recipes once again.  It's ironic that i've chosen baking to be a distraction from snacking during the quiet afternoons when i'm starving! Thankfully i'm not a dessert lover or i'd be in trouble.

The man of this house has a sweet tooth though and it's my hope he is satisfied once again with all the baked goods.  

sugar cookies!

homemade frosting!

Decorating these brought back sweet memories of my childhood.

Garrett was having fun with the laundry basket.  I was holding on, don't worry!

He does own pants but has been crawling out of them literally so after the 10th time putting them back on we decided to let him be.

His personality has us cracking up all the time now.

Did I mention he is keeping us busy while he climbs up onto EVERYTHING?

Today my mom's famous brownies came to be in my home! It was very exciting.

(My cookbook)  Although I still love my cookbooks and they're getting plenty of my attention again.

I can't wait for tiny little hands to help unwrap all those carmels one day!

They smelled wonderful.


Yesterday I made fudge for the first time! 

And this one last picture gave Darren and I a good laugh.  He was pitching in this past Sunday doing laundry and mixed a red tablecloth with the towels and as we've possibly all done, this was the result! Sorry now have pink wash cloths. :) 
Laughter was a gift though and we hunched over from it.


Diet, weight loss, healthier..
I'm not sure what to call what it is i'm doing but I'm feeling better with my choices when it comes to food, and working out.
I've downloaded an application that allows me to track calories during the day (There's an option to scan a bar code on food!).  Also i've been running, drinking a ton of water (96oz), and have finally sealed the deal with an amazing accountability partner.  I am trying to be more educated with taking care of my body.  My friend encouraged that I shouldn't stress about losing weight and her words were exactly what this girl needed!  This week I feel at peace with the desire to be healthy.  I don't feel deprived from food or depressed because the scale doesn't read the right number.  I am making wiser choices and there's peace found in doing that.

I hadn't realized how much I was snacking throughout the day from stress and boredom.  I came to the realization that I want to look good for my husband. I want to honor him and be at my very best.  In the same way I don't want him to lose his love for God he doesn't want me to let my physical body go. I can respect that. There is such a fine line with this particular issue but i'm learning.

The sweetest thing in going down this new path is that i'm not alone.  People struggle with weight all the time and it's not easy.  But I have some really amazing people walking me through.  There is one friend named Beth who every time I see her tells me that i'm looking skinny! That is a confidence booster for sure!  Being encouraged has always been a motivator personally. 
So there's the latest on that :).


My heart was racing as I approached the church.  How was I to teach a group of girls about self-worth and beauty when it is one of my deepest struggles.  I'm one of the most insecure woman out there.  But the other leader asked that i'd lead since she wouldn't be there.  Preparing for this lesson was eye-opening and for that i'm glad to have been able to have the opportunity. 
 I wanted to tell those beautiful girls that it was going to get easier.  That the pain of not seeming to measure up to our culture's standard would eventually fade and that they'd have strength each day to remember where God's word reminds them of their unique one of a kind design.  But I hadn't even come to accept those truths yet.  I wasn't believing God's strength would be made perfect in my weakness. 
They spoke with such raw emotion and pain that I knew all to well. But the words came out of my mouth that God took great pride in them.  We jumped into 1 Samuel 13 where God chooses David to be king because of his heart.  We finished the night off with a little book that has warmed my heart time after time. ('God thinks you're wonderful' by Max Lucado).  I hoped that these girls walked away with the hope that they are not alone and there is a God who thinks they're one of a kind.  It's hard to be a woman in a world that is so cruel especially to a woman.  I recently read an article written on a Victoria Secret model and how she prepares for a shoot.  In the weeks ahead she essentially starves herself and she works out twice a day.  Moving ahead with my day there was a sense of peace in knowing that there is joy in raising a son, cleaning a home, having relationships, and investing my time into others not only myself.  I don't need to compare myself to a model..I am unique and was made for more.  I am thankful for a healthy balance in my life right now.
Proverbs 31:30
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.


Have a wonderful Evening!