Wednesday, November 23, 2011

*We're sitting on her couch talking through what's occurred in her marriage and as the words come out i'm brokenhearted for her.  She said she was going to leave her husband and I couldn't bear it.  We met many times after and I encouraged her to stay but she left him.

*She thinks i'm wrong when I say to be careful with that man who in her eyes is only a friend but I know it could lead to more. Our friendship was broken for a painful time.

*I warn her that that guy she wants to date is bad news because I know him personally.  I want to protect her from him.

*I tell her that she is beautiful and gifted and I don't want to risk hurting her but am honest with how her negative spirit is not doing her any good.  I try to bring her to my God.  I want her to find healing. She doesn't receive it well.

*I get a phone call and she wants to kill herself.  She says that she can't deal with life anymore and I talk her through one of the most difficult calls i've ever received.  She now is living but still very lost.

*We sit across from each other in a restaurant and she tells me her husband isn't good to her anymore and I plead with her and call upon God to give me the right words.  She moves across the states though and leaves her husband.   

6 different woman.  All wandering down a path I know all too well and I want to protect them I want to lead them back to safety.  Some of them ended up getting upset with me and it crushed our friendships, others simply nodded their heads and moved along with their plans.  I had a valid desire to see them restored back to living life well.  But as these different woman have come into my life brought by God I have to ask what am I doing wrong?  Is being a good friend simply nodding your head and watching them mess up? I don't know..

If I disobeyed my parents corrected me.  I hated to be told that I was doing something wrong because I wanted them to always praise me and think I was wonderful of course. :) (that would be the pride in me!) But I NEEDED their correction and structure to become the woman I am today. My parents are the first people to love me for who I am and show compassion but they are also the first ones to confront me when i've lost my way or am headed down a sinful path.  I'm grateful for that..I see life different because of them. 
I have grown up with a God who corrects me constantly.  Oh, but the way He loves me is like nothing i've experienced before.  There have been moments he seems to crush me only to build me up into a more loving, tough, strong woman. 
When my husband confronted me about my constant negative comments awhile back and how i was better than that, It hurt me! How dare he tell me that, who was he to say something so bold, but then I thought and I knew that was the Lord saying, 'Laura, you have been negative, you aren't happy' and I knew they both loved me and wanted me at my best.
When done in love criticism can be used for building a person up.  I have been developing quite a backbone and not a hard heart to people.  I'm thankful for this!
I'm going to make mistakes and say too much but as those that know me will claim that 'laura cares too much'.  In my heart there is a soft place for woman and this desire to see them thriving and loving God and other's well. 
But I am faced with this truth tonight;

They are human.  Real woman with real issues and I am not God.  I don't have the power to fix them or patch them back up.  I will do my best to love who God brings in my life but I will certainly not allow a person to pull me down in hopes that I can help them. I will listen to my spiritual gut when it says back away in peace and don't say a thing. 
I hope that I can learn to be the best kind of friend to those in my life.  I pray for healthy friendships and authentic ones at that! 
I have been blessed with four sisters (two are in laws but goodness they're definitely sisters to me!) and they have been through more life then me and are walking me through the times i'm not sure what i'm doing!  I'm blessed because of them.
I have two mothers who care for me.  My momma is the best thing to happen to me I like to tell God! I realized i'm just like her in so many ways.  I never appreciated her when I was in high school, but now as I get older and love her deeper and deeper I realize she is exactly who I want to be like and i'm proud to say that. 
I have a mother in law who has done nothing but love me since the day she met me.  We're able to chat on the phone and keep in touch.  We've had many hours of conversations that have shaped me into who I am today.  She is the example of a loving mother that I'm so thankful for!
Then I have these friends over the course of my life who stand out. Mentors, school friends,from church camps, Church friends, the navy, and random people i'vei've already had enough meaningful friendships to last me a lifetime. 
So when I feel crushed by a friend my heavenly father takes me hand and turns me around and points me back to all the ones in my life who he has lovingly placed for a purpose.  Then He reminds me of his love for me and my need to trust that he is big enough to deal with the people I hurt for. 

One day I will find a healthy balance when conflicts arise with certain friends.  I pray that God would continue to let my heart grow warmer and not cold (Matthew 24:12) and that i'd have compassion with an understanding that sometimes all I can do is pray for a friend and be there.

I wonder if you struggle with the same thing as me? 
Thank you lord for having enough grace for a girl like me!


Moving on!
Can't wait to post about thanksgiving :)
I did make a pie! and we are looking forward to a nice dinner with friends. I have Garrett's 'first thanksgiving' bib all ready to go and can't wait to spend it with my two boys. 
I sort of made a big meal tonight because I was in one of those cooking moods but my husband barely touched his meal and has been asleep since he got home.  That is the life after most duty days. :)

So here is what I'm thankful for;
My husband
Garrett Hudson of course!
My great big family who are my favorite people
Having self-control when it comes to food
My sweet savior who I love more and more each day.

okay, it's your turn! I could go on forever..
What are you thankful for?


Anonymous said...

thank you for being honest!!!

Anonymous said...

Laura, I totally love your honest heart! You are experiencing what all young people experience who have a relationship with Jesus. When someone senses our strength, they gravitate toward you, hoping to find that thread to hold onto until they have enough threads to make it on their own.

Your words are the right threads, of this I have no doubt. But, as you well know, each of us has our own will, and not everyone exercises it in the most healthy of ways. Some leave spouses, some date guys bad for them, some can't even seeing a reason to watch the next sun rise. Our charge, our calling, as women of faith, is to listen, be passionately loving, and as you so eloquently stated, let God give you the words they need to hear. Hardest thing to do afterward is to let go. Sometimes the words will hit home then -- other times, the words will take root days, weeks, months later.

NEVER give up. Be the trusting friend, be the woman of faith they rely upon when their storms rage inside. Our task is to point the way to shore. Sometimes, even though it's really more rare than some might realize, we have to take over the oars. But mostly, we point the way - they do the rowing. (Sticking with the nautical thing always works for me...I dunno why that is. LOL)

I am thankful for your blog, Laura. I am thankful for my kids - who make me laugh SO much!
I am thankful for my job, my students, my co-workers (which, when spelled incorrectly, makes me laugh MORE! "cow-orkers" SEE WHAT I MEAN??? LOLOL)
I am thankful for a car, even though it doesn't really run well.
I am thankful that Michael's beater DOES run well.

I am thankful that so many of my friends and friends of friends who serve in the military are safe tonight.
I am thankful for those who serve IN harm's way and are protecting those who cannot protect themselves.

I am thankful for for the internet, because it makes this wonderful world a much closer family.

And, I am thankful that God saw me, forgave me, still giggles at my bumbling ways, and gives me room to bumble more.

Have a WONDERFUL first Thanksgiving with your little guy and your big guy (glad he is not in harm's way).

Happy Turkey Day, Laura!


David said...

You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink.

Save a horse ride a donkey.

A horse walked into a bar and the bartender says "Why the long face? "