Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I had one of those days where my heart was open and raw for all to see.  I've never treasured this book more before this day.  I recently said there is no manual to help you steer through the uncertain and often painful parts of Marriage and I was wrong.  This book is filled with encouragement. After a rough couple days I was encouraged to spend time in God's word through bible study, listening to sermons, and talking.  I sat down tonight and went to insight.org and listened to Charles swindols latest series.  This is how I know God works..It was on the Book of Hosea.  I didn't realize that's where i'd end up but I realized how important faithfulness in marriage is. Of course you're thinking, but look around how many marriages are crumbling.  I was challenged to remember my vows.  What did I even agree to on that day anyways?  It was such a blur of excitement and I missed the key to that day as I promised to love and to cherish this man until the day I die, no matter what.  These vows I said were loaded and I didn't realize how hard it was going to get with the man standing in front of me.
It is embarrassing and the most painful thing to call up a close one and say, 'Things aren't going well'.  I have been so tired of satan in our homes destroying them, one family after the next. What happened to being faithful?  Well tonight I was given a visual of a prophet named Hosea who was an incredible example of God's faithfulness to his people.  Hosea took a woman from a culture of harlots and married her along with having three children.  She left him though and went into a life of prostitution.  She just left him and her children..how can you do that? Where did her conscience go? But God commanded Hosea to buy her back and love her.  As mr. swindol says, 'God commands him to love her, he is a model of God's infinite love for a nation who despised him.'  Hosea modeled the message of God's faithfulness.  That is what God expects of those married.
What about when my needs aren't being met Lord?
You remain faithful. pray, seek the counsel of others, get down on your knees and lift your spouse to God.  cling to scripture and have faith God will work things out.  Don't be proud and try to handle it on your own.  Satan is on a mission to destroy our homes and it's important to guard our hearts against the things of this world.
Sometimes i'm sick because of my own selfishness.  We talk ourselves into a place we never should be.  That is what happened to Eve in the garden.  All satan did was place a thought..and she did the rest.

I once sat across the table with a good friend and we laughed about a few dating books that did us no favors. It was a real eye opener to how much I expect from my husband.  And let me tell you that some of these expectations were down right impossible for him to ever reach.  We humans fail each other.  Marriages aren't excused from that statement.  We fail each other.  And in my marriage there has not always been room for grace.  What about yours? It's hard.  And anyone who makes their marriage look picture perfect is fooling you.  I can tell you people that have been married for 25 years have stories to tell you about how hard it has been.  True intimacy, friendship, and love takes God and time in a marriage.  And some of us aren't willing to wait and fight through the moments that seem unbearable.  But do..because I look at my parents and see something rare and beautiful.  Two people that are walking through life together, best friends.  I see my grandparents who have experienced life together with children, grandchildren, testing of their faith, death, and they're a picture of grace. They aren't just roommates, they LOVE each other.  I'm not sugar coating this..it's what I was raised around and it's been a blessing.
I don't want to make my marriage out to be something awful but I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you how hard it is.  We are going through tough times and need people to come alongside of us because satan is coming way too close for comfort.  Last night I looked at my husband and said, 'I want God to use our marriage one day as a testimony of His grace and love.'  I meant that with all my heart.  So tonight i'm praying to love my husband in a deeper way that comes only from God.

I think we are going to have to make tough choices coming up in these next weeks and i'd rather stay with the familiar because I hate change but we need to follow God's best for us.
A year ago life was simpler and I was walking through life at the tallest mountains.  Right now i'm walking through valleys but am grateful to God for walking me through with the help of family and close friends.  This is part of life i'm afraid to say, but lessons are being learned and I need this.

On a lighter note..:) I have a cold! The kind that progresses through the day and knocks you out in the evenings.  I've dug out the Kleenex and tea which are comforting to this very congested girl! So it's time to go lay down and get some rest.  Darren is out with the guys from church and his choice food to bring was mcdonalds french fries :).

Talk to you again real soon! Thank you for sticking with me.  I know this wasn't the most cheerful post!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

First, remember the chickie soop and snuggly blankets. I PROMISE you you'll never regret it. Feel better, Laura!!

Husbands, marriage, trials -- and that old smelly goat, Satan. While I was married, I was a completely faithful wife, in that I did make him the center of our household. Unfortunately, I did not receive the same in return, which became a burden in the relationship. Then we had Kim, followed by Mike almost 3 years later, and they became center stage - to a point. When I say "to a point," I mean that all children steal the stage in a marriage, until they are less DEpendent on us for everything vital to thrive. But in our marriage, and the greatest breakdown OF the marriage, was when he and I no longer worked on the relationship - or parenthood - as partners. We were completely out of our depth, we were out of resources, we had no support from friends, we had no true role models - and let me tell you, ALL of my sibs who were married had been together forEVER at that point. There was no one who stepped in and shook us up and said, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!!?"

For my marriage, I went over it as many times as I possibly could to see what was to be salvaged. Satan had already done the most devastating damage, had begun to attack my children. At that point I made the decision to separate and divorce. Following that horrible event, and after some moving and shaking and invitations accepted --- I did become a Christian woman. One who understood that the marriage was never the one I was to be in. God had a plan, but he forgave me for ignoring it by giving me the greatest children a parent could ask for.

I guess what I'm trying to share with you is that you have a wonderful man, an amazing child who has a fabulous mom. No, your marriage is not an easy one. Yes, Satan is going to attack. I was told once that Satan attacks us when we think we are at our strongest -- which is when we tend to be at our weakest. Satan knows. And he clearly sees those crevasses and exploits them. "Doubt" sets in, usually in our own self, first. Attitudes skew and all kinds of wild things result.


You are a woman of faith, you are human, you are still a young woman with much to learn, and you bear the burden of motherhood and having a husband who serves in our Military. Them thar things are pretty daunting on a GOOD day!!! You are a good student of the Word, you listen and you replenish at the exact time when you find yourself depleted. (God has ways of poking at you to do that, btw. LOL)

Be kind to yourself, but be under the umbrella of Christ always, ESPECIALLY when you are feeling the attack. Be close to those at your church and be a good role model for those young freshmen women you are teaching. Bumpy roads early on simply mean that there are bumpy roads. Honestly, I would be much more worried and concerned if you never mentioned your studies, or your church family, or you child.

Be full of grace. Don't sweat the hairdo. :-)

Sending you much love and hugs!