Wednesday, December 28, 2011

It never came...after all that hoping and praying..

What is this snow stuff again?

Even though I must have asked God a thousand times for it, He always know what is best for us.
During our move we didn't have to pay any attention to snowy roads, shoveling, and bitter cold temperatures.

I love to know what's coming.  If someone gave me a sheet of paper with all the events of that day i'd be pleased.  It's nice to know what to expect and decide as each event happens how I feel about it but simply knowing what is to come would put me at perfect peace.
Unfortunately little in life really works that way not being in my favor. 
See, the Navy doesn't tell you a 10 year plan on where you will be and when.  They can change their minds rather quickly and you're left scatter brained as you try to plan a move or get used to the idea of your man being gone for such and such time.
Once those orders finally come you have a sense of peace being able to take care of all affairs that need to be in order for a smooth transition but it doesn't change the fact that this military lifestyle is hard on the family.

We have lived a somewhat normal life in 2011.  Darren was home most of the time but that didn't change the long hours or the fact that I never do know when to expect him home. He leaves early and comes home late with the occasional 3:00pm surprise arrival.  It's funny how even though he has been home we have had a hard time connecting.  I get a very drained husband because his job is just as intense as when they are out to sea.
He is trying his very best right now to make time for Garrett and I and cares for us but goodness if I woke up at 5 and worked all day by the time that I arrived home at 6 or so i'd want to kick those feet up and not do anything!

The Navy is a bittersweet career.  There's no getting around it.
I can't change it and i've accepted that this is where God has led us. So i'm working on changing my attitude towards what can't be changed.  I really don't gripe too much about the navy but I do complain about things that stem off because of it. 
Don't see family much
A very tired Darren
No permanence
and a few others.

I want to learn to have an attitude that was like Christ's.  He didn't have permanence either and he dealt with all the things I am feeling now which is comforting.
I wish that i'd taken time to dig up some passages in the Bible to support this but that's for another entry another time!

I really don't want to live a life being discontent. That's no way to live!  I believe that there are times we can change our circumstances but sometimes we simply need an attitude adjustment.

So why did I want snow so bad this year?
Because it's what i'm used to.  I'm familiar with the crisp air that accompanies the soft flurries and it's beautiful to me. 
Because everything this year has been unfamiliar to me and I craved something that I knew.

I had a baby and that was new and scary for me.
I dealt with marital conflicts that seemed over my head at times
I learned that I hadn't really accepted God's grace in my heart, still working on that.:)
I moved into two different homes
I only saw my family a few times
The church I attended is nothing like what I have experienced in all of my 22 years of going to church.
It's different..but i'm trying to understand that different isn't's just different.

God didn't send me a familiar snowfall this year..instead he sent me my familiar savior, Jesus Christ.
And i'm marveling at the peace I have in knowing my King is the same as he always was.
Thank you Lord for remaining constant in my not so constant circumstances!


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