What a nice day! I hope you had a great morning and are able to find some time to relax today.

I wanted to share a little of my heart with you today. It's mostly going to be about God, but maybe you'll be able to relate? Or even be as challenged as I have been this past week.

Since i was a little girl i have loved Jesus. He has been a constant never-changing thing in my life. Throughout the years I have learned new things about Him and fallen more in love, I have never doubted His existence even through pain and upsets, or learning of evolution, or wanting to please my own stubborn will, or from the many people i have come across that seem to have lists of reasons why God couldn't possibly be real. But I believe with all my heart that God is real. I believe in the Bible and that Christ saved me. This morning i heard a sermon that brought me to tears.

Pastor A. spoke about Heaven and i'm not sure at what point it hit me the hardest but i'm telling you if i could have, i would have been sobbing. Let me rewind first! This week i've been reading Romans and the first few chapters are all about the sin of this world. How sinful I am and the reality that i deserve death and separation from God. It's a painful thought to realize God can't have me without Christ. I L O V E Jesus because He did something for me that I don't deserve but because He loved me and didn't want to be separated for all of eternity. He was crucified, for M Y sins. His death allowed me to be born again in God's eyes.
So this morning we are talking about heaven (in the sermon) and my mind and heart are in awe of this great message. Then He said something and i stopped and first i thought 'oh lord! I can't wait to see you!' Then i heard pastor ask what will I have to show when i stand before God? And that's when I lost it a little. What am I doing for God? I thought 'lord i have nothing to show, i mean maybe a few things here and there but really that's hardly anything!' I was challenged today to pour out all this love God has given me to the people in my life. It's not all about me, and life is so short, i want to live each day God is giving me as a testimony of him.

The other big challenge is that I don't memorize scripture much. Lazy? I think so :) But it bothers me because there are moments that i'm struggling and I think, 'man, if i could just say a verse to help me out and have God's word right now!' So i am starting to memorize...and i'm so thankful for that! This week i am starting my second verse and it's Jesus' words. John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled, Trust in God, trust also in me." I love that verse! I love having my Savior's words in my heart to remember when I come across a rough patch or lose sight of what's important. To sharpen the mind is wise when we understand satan is serious about his work to destroy us.

I am stepping towards God everyday and as this happens i'm growing and even though it feels more like being stretched uncomfortably, I am really happy. Often I am tempted to sin but God has let something wonderful happen in my heart. I desire Him more then the desire to please myself.

Today was really nice because all the things i've been learning this week came to wrap. As well as that, also there's just been some very sweet moments between Christ and I that have made my heart swell. Today the tears keep threatening to pour out and at times i've let it happen because it's an expression of how deeply i am thankful for my God and the things He's doing in my life.

Right now my husband is on the other side of the world and I haven't been able to see him, touch him, or spend much time listening to his voice. But I am at peace because this is God's will and He is providing along the way. When i am incredibly lonely He fills me up or places a family member or friend right in my way. Sometimes they don't even realize they're being used but i am being covered by God's love through them. There is nothing easy about hugging the love of your life goodbye and driving away not knowing if this will be the last time you see each other. But you know what? God is rocking my world, and ruling my attitude. He is allowing me to see this deployment in a way i never knew possible. It's a blessing. Yes, you heard me right. My husband is doing something for his country, wife and baby that shows what an incredible man he is. He's serving and making a huge sacrifice that shows how much he loves me. This journey to the Navy was a last resort after he was laid off, but it was the exact door God was intending we walk through together. It saved our marriage and it's put God back at the center of our relationship. Also this deployment has given me the opportunity to have to show my trust in God which is allowing me to grow into a stronger woman. I have been back at home spending time with family a lot and i'm really enjoying my time! Darren is missing most of the pregnancy but maybe that's a blessing for him! haha okay just kidding, i'm not that bad! To make this short, i know that to make the choice to look at this deployment through a positive view is what God asks of me, so i'm trying my very best to do that!

Today marks 11 weeks being pregnant. The baby is the size of a fig this week :) Doesn't that sound so exciting! I'm feeling great but sometimes am really tired. It makes me feel so good when Darren will say something like, 'Laura, should you really be doing that?' I love how he cares for me. Nothing else too exciting is happening so i think we'll end here but have a wonderful Sunday!

love,

Laura

Isn't this beautiful? I love driving down a winding country road as the sun shines through the trees and makes for one amazing display! Since sin entered this world things changed, but there is still beauty all around in God's creation. I'm really thankful for that because it is a chance to recognize God's craftmanship.
I hope we aren't too busy to stop and soak up a breathtaking view, if you let your heart be still even a cornfield that goes on for miles and miles will seem like something special. In Psalm 19:1-4 David says, "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour fourth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard. Their voice goes out into all the earth, their words to the ends of the world." There is evidence all around the world and universe of God's existence through His creation. He is being revealed through His handiwork and everyone knows about God because Nature proclaims His existence.
I would be absurd to think this all came to be by chance. I see in Nature that something great designed this and had a plan. Then i have the Bible, that is God's word that explains Salvation. What a bonus! Through the scriptures, God is revealed and my questions are answered. I see my purpose and reason for being here. I have assurance in this book how it has been preserved over time and the fact that it is God breathed. In 2 Peter 19-21 Simon Peter an apostle of Jesus says, "And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to the light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. For prophecy never had it origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit."
I am confident in studying His word as it changes my heart and has a power to shine light in the darkest places.
I have been having the sweetest past few days! Soaking up God's word and love for me and learning a lot. Life is sweeter when you are walking with God obediently.
I'm not sure wether i am weepy because i'm pregnant or because God is melting away the cold inside my heart? Either way as i read the scripture and spend time chatting with God i am changing. I want to give more of myself so that I can have more room for God. I was reading a devotional and came across this prayer from a woman named Betty Scott Stam who was a martyr for Christ.

"Lord, I give up all my own plans and purposes, all my own desires and hopes, and accept Thy will for my life. I give myself, my life, my all utterly to Thee to be Thine forever. Fill me and seal me with Thy Holy Spirit. Use me as Thou wilt, send me where Thou wilt, work out Thy whole will in my life at any cost, now and forever"

What a prayer! This was written when she was 18, i couldn't help but tear up as i read about how her husband and her had been beheaded in China. She gave up her wants and desires and plans for God's will. I was humbled by her faith and willingness to surrender to God, and it stirred in my heart the desire to do the same.

Yesturday my friend (and her cute baby!) and I went for a long walk around town. It was really nice to do something healthy and be able to have a good talk about all sorts of fun things. Isn't it nice to have friends to walk with through life? I was sad by the thought that there are so many friends that will come and go but all i know is i'm grateful for them being in my life because they're a blessing. We need other woman to encourage, love, and teach us as we make this journey. I realize more and more the importance of friends.
I am REALLY excited because tomorrow my mom and I are going to wisconsin for a few days. We're staying with my grandparents and as i've mentioned before, I love being there! I have to credit God for really covering me with His love through family and friends. I was afraid i would sink into depression or something because Darren is gone, but you know what? I am doing good! I feel this time is much needed. I'm learning a lot and my marriage is being strengthened even though there's distance. There was a lot going on in my heart that was getting out of control and i was trying to keep it under the rug but that never really works. I'm forcing myself to take care of the ugly and bad through surrenduring to Christ. I have had to fight at some moments to choose to be obedient. I am amazed by the struggle inside to want to do bad. Inside there is this struggle to do what i want because i want to even if it ends up hurting someone, wether it's something i do or say. I'm a sinner, and a pretty bad one! The more time i spend thinking about my choices, well it is more easy to seek to do what God wants me to do. I don't want to dissapoint Him, or hurt my husband, or anyone else. I have never become more aware of consequences then now. Although it's painful to look back over some horrible things i've done, it causes me to never want to go through that again. Even though i was doing all the things i thought would fill me up, i was completely empty. I was looking to meet my needs, my way...but i intentionally passed up Christ because that meant i had come face to face with sin committed. But honestly, I missed God's love and forgot his love for me is not based on what i have done, He can look at me and offer me this relationship because of Christ's death. Everyday this is something i have to talk myself through because i feel so undeserving. I'm really excited to share about what God's doing in my heart in hopes maybe you'll be able to see how God's is able to meet you, no matter where you've been or what you've done. He is a good God and deserves all our praise.
~Laura

<3 Hello!

6 weeks and 4 days, can you see that tiny peanut looking thing?

Almost 10 weeks, and he/she looks like a baby!

And here is the sweet Daddy to be, He is so handsome!
I am lucky<3

This morning i had a doctors appointment and our baby is doing wonderful. It was a quick appointment but they did another ultra-sound so i was able to see that little cutie again! Today he/she actually looked like a baby. I even had a little wave and it was neat to see it moving around. I may have teared up?? :)

I keep taking peeks at the picture from today and smiling. I've been praying lately that God would keep Darren safe and our baby healthy. Thank you Lord for answering prayer!

This week Tuesday I went over to my in laws and we went blueberry picking and had a very yummy spaghetti dinner. Then the next morning we headed over to Dan's retirement party and that afternoon made blueberry jam. I enjoyed spending time with them.

I have been feeling very good this week, not really nauseous or having severe heartburn and then today after lunch i was so close to being sick. It is the strangest thing how one minute you are fine and then BAM! you feel like you're going to throw up. I have realized that i'm very very good at making sure i don't throw up, i couldn't tell you how i do it though.

The one thing that i have been is sleepy! For example today, (i didn't mean to!) i fell asleep for almost 3 hours! :0 can you believe that? I normally don't let myself do that but i was reading and then fell asleep.

I'm going to be traveling a lot this month (and the next two) and i'm looking forward to seeing family. Next week we are going to my sister's baby shower and we'll stay a few days. Then the next week I will be heading with Dan and Sharon to Kansas to visit Darren's brother's family. I am so excited to see Ej and the girls again. I've really missed them! Of course i wish Darren was able to be with me, but being around family makes this deployment a lot easier. It will be nice to be somewhat busy.

Christmas in July! We are watching the Polar Express tonight and now i'm in the mood for hot chocolate, Christmas songs, and snow...isn't that funny? I bet you're thinking NO WAY! Actually i am looking forward to fall which is right around the corner and this winter. I am hoping Darren will be back before the end of this year, please pray that would work out! if not it will be okay but wouldn't that be awesome? I sure think so.

I have so many insightful things i'd love to be able to share right now, but i really want you to know God is good. I am learning more about what it means to be a christian. Following Him doesn't come easy because we want to do what we want, and when we want. Sometimes it takes a good reminder that God has my best interest in mind when He corrects or disciplines. I'm realizing the importance of knowing His word and hiding it in my heart. Through reading the Bible, God is able to teach and mold. My mom once put a quote in my bible. This book will keep you from sin, and sin will keep you from this book. I am always encouraged when i see that quote written in the front of my bible. This journey is a learning process, i am not perfect and at times fall short, but God loves me and that is comforting.

Have a great night everyone!

For weeks now i have wondered how i will write this! But i think there is only one simple way to say,

I am pregnant!

I want to tell you right now i have a billion things to tell you so lets hope i can share all of my heart's joy with you and not be boring!

For the past 8 weeks God has allowed our little baby to grow and i couldn't be happier! This week it's tiny fingers and toes have appeared and it's tongue is being developed. God is knitting this baby together in my womb and entrusting me with another life. He is changing me because of this little life and i'm thrilled.
Proverbs 22:6 says, 'Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it'. God expects me to point this baby to Him, and for me to be an example of Christ to this child. What a task! and this isn't even including the sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, crying, sickness, etc. But this is my dream. To be a mom is my hearts desire, (right after being a wife!) and i have longed for a baby to love and take care of as long as God allows me.

~Finding out~
Darren and I wanted to be parents, we talked with one another and prayed about it. I confess my fears that maybe i wouldn't be a good mom given my track record as a wife(a bit of a nag at times, selfish, and a handful!). I am not perfect! We have had our ups and downs and so of course there is fear of failure in the tough role of a mother. But all i heard from God was to trust Him.
I was under the impression it would take a long while to become pregnant. Oh boy was i wrong! :) God blessed us and before i knew it i was standing in the bathroom looking at a small plus sign. I couldn't believe my eyes and yet i'm pretty sure i did a happy dance and couldn't stop smiling! We were staying with my sister and sleeping on a big air mattress. Darren was sound asleep and tip toed back in the room and sat on my knees next to the bed, gave him a kiss on the cheek which made him wake up. I think he could tell from my smile, but i announced the happy news. He quickly hugged and kissed me and expressed his excitement! We are going to be parents, together God is blessing us with a tiny life.

It won't be for a very long time until i hold my baby boy or girl, but my heart is filled with love for him/her already. It is my prayer that each day God gives me this baby it will know it's deeply loved, the way i always knew how loved i was. All around me God has placed mothers who are examples to me and i pray to be good mothers like them.
I will fail because i am imperfect, but i continue to pray that where i am weak, God will make me stronger. Inside of me God has already placed everything i need to be a wife and mother to my family. As long as i am obedient to God, seeking him daily and loving him, He will be able to shine through me.
I pray my home is always a comforting place that God remains at the center. I can't wait to sing my little one to sleep, read bedtime stories, say prayers, show them how much i love their father. I know their daddy will be it's hero, and the best father. He has inside of him a love for our family that i can't even begin to write about. I will never doubt that. He may have to go away for some time, but his heart is always with his family.

For now all things 'baby' excite me and bring me closer to an understanding that i'm going to be a mom. It's been a lot of fun to share the news with family and friends. Everyone has blessed me with their responses and excitement. On my facebook there was an endless flow of congrats and encouragement. I loved receiving that from all of my friends! Thank you!

Darren's deployment will be a little longer than expected and he will come back right before the baby is born. Please pray that it works out for him to be there for the delivery, i know the military lifestyle is different but it would be very difficult for him not to be there. I know God's will is not always ours and sometimes circumstances don't work out, but give us both an attitude that reflects that of Christ. I am not worrying about the move to Virginia with a newborn because my parents made it very clear they will be helping us out. It made me cry to hear them both share with me that basically this is what family is for and they will help. So i'm trusting God, really i am! I have not allowed my mind to wander to worrying, because i know it will steal my joy.

Alright well i can't wait to share more about this pregnancy but i want to share a little bit about what else has been happening too!

I am attending the Church i went to through highschool, and am surrounded by the church family that really is a lot of fun to be around. Darren leaving was very hard but between family, friends and this church family i have felt completely covered and taken care of. Sunday mornings have been a blessing and challenge. Through each message from Pastor A, i am challenged and sit wishing to hear more. This was the same attitude since i can remember. I love hearing the word of God, honestly it's my heart's joy. To be in the scripture has always brought me to a place in my relationship with God where i'm suppose to be. Sitting at his feet listening....this is when i am humbled and admiring Him. I am so in love with God, and it only deepens as i learn more. Being in a country that i can freely learn about him is a blessing, i am thankful!

Moving back home has been very nice. I have my own lime green room back! The furniture is all black and looks great! I am working on making it my own but i'm starting to feel home again. Darren being gone is very hard and i hate it, but i'm proud of him.
Alright, i should probably get going! But i will write again soon :) Hope you're having a great week!
~Laura

One more night :'(

Do you know what it feels like to have one more night with your husband, and then an unfathomable number of nights apart? I sure don't! But here's the deal, i have a huge choice, I can either be mopey for the next 5+ months or keep my eyes glued to Christ who WILL provide and be there for me during the difficult moments when Darren isn't able. There is plenty of reasons to be full of joy because God has poured out endless blessings on my life.
My family has taken me in once again and i'm feeling at home! There is also a church family that has already surrounded me with their love and that means a lot to me!

It hurts though, i'm not going to lie. Today my heart feels broken from the thought of Darren leaving tomorrow morning. I keep tearing up as the understanding that i won't see him for a long time sinks in. But God is here, i believe that with all that's in me. He Remains, and that is my comfort for this first deployment!

Right now we are relaxing at my parents. He is playing World of Warcraft and i've been watching 'I love Lucy' (my favorite show! it's so funny!) I am soaking up the occasional looks at each other as our last night speeds on. I love that man. July 12 we'll be married for 2 years and it's been quite the journey! I'm crazy about him, and as the years go on i grow more respect.
I hope everyone had a nice fourth of July weekend! Please pray for us tomorrow morning!
~Laura

Sorry to have to do this a little backwards but i posted pictures last and am having a hard time moving them around! I will talk about the pictures here and there in the post, sorry!

The bedroom i talk about later

My grandma's garden

Grady! my new nephewI gave the kids sour warheads, this was so funny!



we played cars :)

The girls and I played barbies. You are never too young to play

The braves game in chicago!

Being an aunt is one very fun adventure

Home. :)

I finally have time to sit and write an entry and i've been really excited about this! Another exciting thing is the environment i am able to write in. I'm on the deck, under a canopy tent, sitting on a comfy chair with a beautiful view of the pond and flowers are everywhere! It's beautiful here and it's the rest i've been craving.

Before i start it's important you know that in my mom's garden that i have a clear shot of there are dozens and dozens of tasty rasberries that are calling my attention! Therefore, if i seem all over the place it's probably because i'm really thinking about running over there to snatch a few to eat. Fair warning :)

Darren and I had a wonderful trip to indiana. The car ride was a lot of fun and we enjoyed each other's company. Long trips are the best and it's a great opportunity to talk about anything and everything. We stayed with his parents for the first few nights and his brother and sister were also there with their families. I met my nephew grady for the first time. He is adorable and the cutest thing is this little guy actually watches sports?? yes, he is 8 months and intently watches...i was amazed. It was nice to hang out with family.
Then darren and I hit the road to wisconsin. We stayed with my grandparents which was an incredible thing! My grandma made a Delicious meal, with strawberry pie (that was to die for!). We spent a lot of time talking, and we looked out in their garden that is beautiful this year. I slept in the 'blue' room that has looked the same for the past 21 years of my life. She says why change what's not broken, and i agree. It's so cozy staying there. We watched baseball with them and we talked about my grandpa being in the army. Ask questions! i'm learning this, because there's a lot of things i'm dying to know but haven't asked before. It's nice to know their history and be able to get to know my grandparents better. In the morning she had put out a great breakfast for us. They spoiled us!

That day we went to my dad's side of the family gathering. It was a wonderful time. We played kickball, ate great food, and hung out. That night we had all gathered and had a special program about my grandparents. They sat down and told stories about how they met, their lives, raising the three boys and angi, and any other things that were brought up. It was so funny! I love my family and can i tell you they each love the lord? How rare it is to find a family this big that each have a relationship with God. I am blessed! I love listening to my uncles and dad talk because they are wise men but they weren't always the men they are today. Through time and experience, God grew them into men who serve Him first and foremost.

This is my Grandpa and Grandma Bacon

We spent the next day with my mom's side of the family for father's day. We had a Delicious lunch and played football, hillbilly golf, and badminton. It was nice to catch up with family. I've really missed everyone.

The next few days we spent with my sister, her husband, and four kids. I had such a good time there! The kids were great and we enjoyed each other. I played barbies with the girls a lot, and cars with the boys as well as wrestling with them here and there. We went to the beach/pool one day and everyone was burnt. Saw zach's baseball game another night, and one day my sister's and i went out shopping. It was an incredible time with them! Those two girls are my best friends. They are both wonderful friends that have seen me through many years and seen my best and worst moments but each chose to love me. Thank you for putting up with me ladies!

Thursday morning we headed back to Darren's parents in indiana. We stayed with them for a few days. I relaxed, swam in the pool, we went to see knight and day (i loved it!), ate good food, and enjoyed catching up.

We headed over to my parents this afternoon and will now spend the remainder of our time here.

PHEW! Isn't that a lot? But it was all extremely worth the traveling back and forth. I've missed my family and look forward to seeing more of everything these next 5+ months. Darren leaves July 7, in about 10 days. I'm not ready! It's funny because i play mind games with myself to not think about it or think about something else when i start thinking about him leaving. I realized the other day to pray about it! God wants to hear all my mushy gushy-ness about how bad i'll miss him, and that i'm not strong enough, or how i don't know what i'll do with myself without darren. God has answers, that i need to hear. To TRUST in Him. That's what i've heard loud and clear, and thank you Lord for that. Sacrificing my husband for this amount of time isn't easy, but this is part of God's will and it happens to bring blessings in disguise. God's way of providing comes in strange packages at times, but trust him because he will work things out for His glory. I'm thankful to be a part of his will right now, it's a beautiful thing.

I will write more tomorrow! Time for a few rasberries! :) have a wonderful night!

Laura

MoVInG mOVinG MOvinG!

Hey! I wanted to write tonight because i have a little down time! I'm not sure when i'll be able to post again, maybe Monday? Ready for a little explanation of my scatter-brained day?

Seriously, do you have those days when you are planning something big, and you have ten thoughts trying to be heard at once? It is absolutely nuts!

I woke up at 4:30 this morning to drive darren to work and i couldn't fall back asleep so i began tackling all the projects for the day. It was a cleaning day and tying up any loose ends here in Maryland. I think (crossing my fingers) everything is pretty much taken care of, except i didn't have a chance to return a part to sears!
Tomorrow the movers will come and pack up our home, i'll order pizza for lunch and make koolaide :) then maybe they'll be extra gentle with our home goods haha just kidding...

Tomorrow night darren and i will only have to vacuum and i'll have to wash the kitchen cabinets out then we'll be good! Wednesday we'll have the housing office do a final inspection and then he'll have his graduation, THEN we leave maryland for good and head to (home sweet home) INDIANA! I can't wait :) I'm going to be so happy even though i won't have the pleasure of seeing the sunshine rolling of the fields that go for miles, i'll still be smiling.

The first week will be a whirlwind of events filled with tons of driving, and lots of family. We'll visit his family first and everyone will be there! I'll finally meet my newest nephew and can't wait. Then the weekend we'll drive to Wisconsin and see my dad's side of the family saturday, and my mom's side of the family sunday for father's day. My grandma invited us to stay at her house for the weekend. I can't begin to explain how special it is to be in her home. It is one of my favorite places, because the minute you walk in, you feel better. It always smells good, there's always a warm greeting, God resides in that home, and you are loved. I get emotional when it comes to explaining how much i love my grandmother. She is a woman of God and i admire her, thankfully God blessed me with two grandma's that are that way! And i'll be seeing both of them this weekend.

I am most nervous about packing the car because we have a lot of things and not a lot of room in the car. Darren is determined to fit everything in and that's comforting. He has been very fun lately towards me. He's taken my mood swings and only reacted with love towards me. For example, We are sitting on the couch Friday night and we're talking and laughing. I said to him, 'after you leave, the next time you'll see me i'll have long hair and there'll be snow on the ground!' then the next second i am bawling my eyes out and he is holding me tight telling me he loves me. Trying to prepare myself for his departure is not simple. As the days go on i'm reminded of another thing i'll miss out on while he's away and it makes it hard. But God knows exactly what he is doing and because of that i'm at peace. I am definitely getting the better end of the deal here, but it still feels wrong!

I talked to my mom today and it was relieving to hear her voice. There's something soothing about your mom's voice even when you're 21. All the fears i have seem to not be so big when i talk to her. I will be a better woman because of our time together. She will be teaching me how to sew and i'll be excited to post pictures of the projects i make! I'm eager for that :)

Darren has three weeks after Wednesday before he has to leave, i can't wait to spend time with him apart from him working and being very tired! He'll be a whole new man lol. We are still talking about doing something just the two of us, maybe a B&B? I hope!

Alright well i should really get to bed, but hopefully i'll have a chance to update soon.

This is my friend Denise's son Isaiah, he has been a lot of fun and i'm going to miss them a lot!