For weeks now i have wondered how i will write this! But i think there is only one simple way to say,
I am pregnant!
I want to tell you right now i have a billion things to tell you so lets hope i can share all of my heart's joy with you and not be boring!
For the past 8 weeks God has allowed our little baby to grow and i couldn't be happier! This week it's tiny fingers and toes have appeared and it's tongue is being developed. God is knitting this baby together in my womb and entrusting me with another life. He is changing me because of this little life and i'm thrilled.
Proverbs 22:6 says, 'Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it'. God expects me to point this baby to Him, and for me to be an example of Christ to this child. What a task! and this isn't even including the sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, crying, sickness, etc. But this is my dream. To be a mom is my hearts desire, (right after being a wife!) and i have longed for a baby to love and take care of as long as God allows me.
Darren and I wanted to be parents, we talked with one another and prayed about it. I confess my fears that maybe i wouldn't be a good mom given my track record as a wife(a bit of a nag at times, selfish, and a handful!). I am not perfect! We have had our ups and downs and so of course there is fear of failure in the tough role of a mother. But all i heard from God was to trust Him.
I was under the impression it would take a long while to become pregnant. Oh boy was i wrong! :) God blessed us and before i knew it i was standing in the bathroom looking at a small plus sign. I couldn't believe my eyes and yet i'm pretty sure i did a happy dance and couldn't stop smiling! We were staying with my sister and sleeping on a big air mattress. Darren was sound asleep and tip toed back in the room and sat on my knees next to the bed, gave him a kiss on the cheek which made him wake up. I think he could tell from my smile, but i announced the happy news. He quickly hugged and kissed me and expressed his excitement! We are going to be parents, together God is blessing us with a tiny life.
It won't be for a very long time until i hold my baby boy or girl, but my heart is filled with love for him/her already. It is my prayer that each day God gives me this baby it will know it's deeply loved, the way i always knew how loved i was. All around me God has placed mothers who are examples to me and i pray to be good mothers like them.
I will fail because i am imperfect, but i continue to pray that where i am weak, God will make me stronger. Inside of me God has already placed everything i need to be a wife and mother to my family. As long as i am obedient to God, seeking him daily and loving him, He will be able to shine through me.
I pray my home is always a comforting place that God remains at the center. I can't wait to sing my little one to sleep, read bedtime stories, say prayers, show them how much i love their father. I know their daddy will be it's hero, and the best father. He has inside of him a love for our family that i can't even begin to write about. I will never doubt that. He may have to go away for some time, but his heart is always with his family.
For now all things 'baby' excite me and bring me closer to an understanding that i'm going to be a mom. It's been a lot of fun to share the news with family and friends. Everyone has blessed me with their responses and excitement. On my facebook there was an endless flow of congrats and encouragement. I loved receiving that from all of my friends! Thank you!
Darren's deployment will be a little longer than expected and he will come back right before the baby is born. Please pray that it works out for him to be there for the delivery, i know the military lifestyle is different but it would be very difficult for him not to be there. I know God's will is not always ours and sometimes circumstances don't work out, but give us both an attitude that reflects that of Christ. I am not worrying about the move to Virginia with a newborn because my parents made it very clear they will be helping us out. It made me cry to hear them both share with me that basically this is what family is for and they will help. So i'm trusting God, really i am! I have not allowed my mind to wander to worrying, because i know it will steal my joy.
Alright well i can't wait to share more about this pregnancy but i want to share a little bit about what else has been happening too!
I am attending the Church i went to through highschool, and am surrounded by the church family that really is a lot of fun to be around. Darren leaving was very hard but between family, friends and this church family i have felt completely covered and taken care of. Sunday mornings have been a blessing and challenge. Through each message from Pastor A, i am challenged and sit wishing to hear more. This was the same attitude since i can remember. I love hearing the word of God, honestly it's my heart's joy. To be in the scripture has always brought me to a place in my relationship with God where i'm suppose to be. Sitting at his feet listening....this is when i am humbled and admiring Him. I am so in love with God, and it only deepens as i learn more. Being in a country that i can freely learn about him is a blessing, i am thankful!
Moving back home has been very nice. I have my own lime green room back! The furniture is all black and looks great! I am working on making it my own but i'm starting to feel home again. Darren being gone is very hard and i hate it, but i'm proud of him.
Alright, i should probably get going! But i will write again soon :) Hope you're having a great week!