Sunday, August 8, 2010

What a nice day! I hope you had a great morning and are able to find some time to relax today.

I wanted to share a little of my heart with you today. It's mostly going to be about God, but maybe you'll be able to relate? Or even be as challenged as I have been this past week.

Since i was a little girl i have loved Jesus. He has been a constant never-changing thing in my life. Throughout the years I have learned new things about Him and fallen more in love, I have never doubted His existence even through pain and upsets, or learning of evolution, or wanting to please my own stubborn will, or from the many people i have come across that seem to have lists of reasons why God couldn't possibly be real. But I believe with all my heart that God is real. I believe in the Bible and that Christ saved me. This morning i heard a sermon that brought me to tears.

Pastor A. spoke about Heaven and i'm not sure at what point it hit me the hardest but i'm telling you if i could have, i would have been sobbing. Let me rewind first! This week i've been reading Romans and the first few chapters are all about the sin of this world. How sinful I am and the reality that i deserve death and separation from God. It's a painful thought to realize God can't have me without Christ. I L O V E Jesus because He did something for me that I don't deserve but because He loved me and didn't want to be separated for all of eternity. He was crucified, for M Y sins. His death allowed me to be born again in God's eyes.
So this morning we are talking about heaven (in the sermon) and my mind and heart are in awe of this great message. Then He said something and i stopped and first i thought 'oh lord! I can't wait to see you!' Then i heard pastor ask what will I have to show when i stand before God? And that's when I lost it a little. What am I doing for God? I thought 'lord i have nothing to show, i mean maybe a few things here and there but really that's hardly anything!' I was challenged today to pour out all this love God has given me to the people in my life. It's not all about me, and life is so short, i want to live each day God is giving me as a testimony of him.

The other big challenge is that I don't memorize scripture much. Lazy? I think so :) But it bothers me because there are moments that i'm struggling and I think, 'man, if i could just say a verse to help me out and have God's word right now!' So i am starting to memorize...and i'm so thankful for that! This week i am starting my second verse and it's Jesus' words. John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled, Trust in God, trust also in me." I love that verse! I love having my Savior's words in my heart to remember when I come across a rough patch or lose sight of what's important. To sharpen the mind is wise when we understand satan is serious about his work to destroy us.

I am stepping towards God everyday and as this happens i'm growing and even though it feels more like being stretched uncomfortably, I am really happy. Often I am tempted to sin but God has let something wonderful happen in my heart. I desire Him more then the desire to please myself.

Today was really nice because all the things i've been learning this week came to wrap. As well as that, also there's just been some very sweet moments between Christ and I that have made my heart swell. Today the tears keep threatening to pour out and at times i've let it happen because it's an expression of how deeply i am thankful for my God and the things He's doing in my life.

Right now my husband is on the other side of the world and I haven't been able to see him, touch him, or spend much time listening to his voice. But I am at peace because this is God's will and He is providing along the way. When i am incredibly lonely He fills me up or places a family member or friend right in my way. Sometimes they don't even realize they're being used but i am being covered by God's love through them. There is nothing easy about hugging the love of your life goodbye and driving away not knowing if this will be the last time you see each other. But you know what? God is rocking my world, and ruling my attitude. He is allowing me to see this deployment in a way i never knew possible. It's a blessing. Yes, you heard me right. My husband is doing something for his country, wife and baby that shows what an incredible man he is. He's serving and making a huge sacrifice that shows how much he loves me. This journey to the Navy was a last resort after he was laid off, but it was the exact door God was intending we walk through together. It saved our marriage and it's put God back at the center of our relationship. Also this deployment has given me the opportunity to have to show my trust in God which is allowing me to grow into a stronger woman. I have been back at home spending time with family a lot and i'm really enjoying my time! Darren is missing most of the pregnancy but maybe that's a blessing for him! haha okay just kidding, i'm not that bad! To make this short, i know that to make the choice to look at this deployment through a positive view is what God asks of me, so i'm trying my very best to do that!

Today marks 11 weeks being pregnant. The baby is the size of a fig this week :) Doesn't that sound so exciting! I'm feeling great but sometimes am really tired. It makes me feel so good when Darren will say something like, 'Laura, should you really be doing that?' I love how he cares for me. Nothing else too exciting is happening so i think we'll end here but have a wonderful Sunday!



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