Are you ready for a completely random post? Stay with me :)
I am in Kansas on a little vacation with my in-laws visiting darren's brother's family. Ej happens to be one of my closest friends and her two little girls are wonderful! It's been refreshing to be around family and swap stories to catch up. We've had a few coffee runs (decaff woo!) and went shopping for maternity clothes!
Today Evie (the youngest) and I watching princess movies and stayed in our jammies for a long long time! I loved snuggling and watching her crack up about the little mice in Cinderella or scold the naughty cat.
It's been nice to have Ej around to talk about pregnancy and to be encouraged as i walk through this deployment. Dave, her husband is also in the Navy and so she's been where i am now and has offered support when i need it.
Can't thank God enough for placing her in my life.
This deployment is the hardest thing i've had to face. There are good and bad days i've noticed. I miss my husband deeply and in a way that hurts to my core. Last night as i snuggled up under my covers my heart ached for Darren and i started to cry. I began to ask God to provide me with the strength to walk through this. I was reminded instantly that Jesus walked through loneliness too. Sometimes God doesn't remove you from a painful circumstance, but He keeps you there so you can learn to trust Him and show that you have Faith in Him. Do you know how comforting that is? Reminders of God's love for me is what keeps me walking ahead with hope.
When i said goodbye to Darren there were little tears and i had an understanding that this was God's plan. That doesn't take away the moments that i think of Him and feel like i'm about to fall apart. Going to sonic shouldn't make you want to start crying, but it has Darren written all over it! An old sweatshirt that smells like him shouldn't make me as happy as it does. :) I shouldn't check my phone a billion times a day in hope of an email, but I do because to hear from Him brings me close to Him. Sometimes i still think he's going to be around the corner and I'm going to hear him laughing or calling my name but i remember he's far far away. It hurts, don't you see? But God listens to all of this and covers me with endless love and I can't figure out why He loves me that much? He sends people from every which way that surround me with love. He spends time teaching me through His word about things that are beyond me. He opens my eyes to beautiful displays of Him through simple patches of wildflowers. Yes, it hurts to not be with my best friend, but God has not left me to walk this path alone.
Being pregnant has been wonderful so far! I love this baby already and even though it won't be for a long time before we meet, I can't wait! I've reached 12 weeks last sunday and am almost 13 and that's crazy. Time is certainly flying by but i'm trying to enjoy every bit of this. I went to a parenting seminar last night that they had on base (with dave and ej), it was really good but made me aware of the hard job of raising children. But you know what i've been dreaming about? Seeing this baby with it's Daddy. There is a lot of joy in having these two together because i love each of them so much. They are my dream come true. Darren is going to be an incredible father, i have no doubt about that. I'm so glad to walk through this with him.
Alright well i should get to bed, i have a feeling a small little girl will be waking me up again tomorrow, bright and early!