Friday, March 11, 2011

Normally writing in my journal or in this blog is easy.  The words naturally flow and it's nice to share what's going on in my heart.  I'm actually surprised by my lack of words lately.  Mostly because my heart is full of love for Garrett but I can't find the right words to explain what's going on inside of me.  For example right now my sweet boy is asleep and i'm melting because he is healthy, happy, and at peace while he sleeps.  I want to pick him up and kiss him over and over and then let the tears fall.  I can't tell you how many times I came before God and asked for my son.  Just that he would let him be born and that I could hold him and love him.  I didn't know God's will, or even now what the future holds but I begged that God would allow Garrett to come into this world.  God blessed me two weeks ago when this child was placed in my arms.  I am not guaranteed anything so I keep thanking God for Garrett, my beautiful boy.  He is a gift and one that has been entrusted to Darren and I to raise in a home that serves the Lord. 
I've been caught up lately in the daily routine of feedings, diaper changes, and a sleepy boy but today it hit me, when was the last time I really talked to Garrett? I felt so bad! I've been filled with questions for his physical health and am very concerned in that area because I want to take care of him but I was lacking in another very important area. I try to keep nightly feedings quiet but even during the day I realized i've been quiet.  The boy can't talk but that doesn't mean I should be quiet during the day! Silly mommy..:)  Just loving on him and talking to him is something he needs!
I don't know if he smiles yet...but when I started talking to him and he was looking up at me he was smiling a toothless grin and it melted my heart.  I want my tiny baby to stay little for a long time and I feel like i'm experiencing something special being able to stay home with him.  Not all mothers have that privilege but I am beyond grateful that i'm able to. 
We have been talking about how much Jesus loves him, and how much mommy and daddy love him too.  The very first night he spent with me I told him the story of Jesus.  I won't ever forget holding him in my arms as I told him about Christ.  I can't wait to see how God reveals himself to Garrett over the years. What an incredible privilege to be used by God to represent Christ to my little boy. But I don't want to downplay how hard that job is!  To be like Christ is a daily choice and one that i'm not always good at following through with.  But I love my God very much and I hope that always shows and Garrett is able to pick up on that.  I think that in the way I live each day and how I treat others and Darren will be very important to our son who will be a sponge!

This evening my friend Crystal came over and I had such a nice time talking and sharing my son with her.  It was a relief to have friendly conversation and be able to laugh and talk about my new life and hear about how she has figured things out with her daughter.  I needed that time as it was extremely comforting to not feel alone! Thank God for good friends!

Well that's all I have for tonight :) Garrett is sleeping and I probably should have taken a nap with him since he's off on his day/night right now. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I giggled at what you wrote about talking to Garrett... I had the SAME THING happen to me with KIM! I think it's a normal thing to not realize that babies crave hearing our voices, seeing our faces, watching us communicate with them. Even now, with my littlest ("borrowed") granddaughter, we talk a LOT! Eye contact, smiles, "close talking" to their little hearts, they love it all! Isabella loves it, especially when I mix it up with silly noises....REALLY silly noises! LOL!

Just have fun with him....all he needs is your attention, your voice, your love and your hands -- and a good meal. ;-)