Saturday, February 12, 2011

It's late..well actually we could say it's early? Either way I am awake and unable to fall asleep.  I've tossed and turned been kicked from the inside all evening and although I am very tired, I can't sleep?  I am almost 38 weeks pregnant so I suppose this is to be expected but now is the time that i should be soaking in these full nights of sleep with no interruptions. Right?
Here I am at 1:30 in the morning drinking hot chocolate and blogging. How nice is that? :) 

I have all sorts of things on my mind ranging from cleaning the bathrooms to how nice it is to freely be able to talk to God anytime of day. 
It has taken serious self restraint to not put my yellow gloves on and get to scrubbing toilets.  Today as I vacuumed each room I began to think about how it could be the last time I clean before I'm a mom.  There was no distractions or demands I was able to vacuum in peace. BUT I started thinking about how life is going to change drastically.  In a few days or a few weeks i'm going to experience my first contraction and my life is going to forever be changed.  There are some days I can't wait, and other days i'm thinking 'whoa! what did I get myself into?'.  There is no manual for how to be a mom and that's why i'm clinging to Christ to lead me through.  I love that he's willing to listen to my every fear and still see how crazy I am about this baby already.  Being a mom is a selfless job and i'm a selfish person.  I'm becoming quite aware of how God will be correcting some wrong in me through the gift of a baby boy.  Know what I mean? 
For weeks now his tiny bed has been sitting in our room, awaiting his arrival.  It's been a reminder that he'll be here soon.  "What will life look like" I keep wondering.  I know what the books say and have heard what people tell me but I don't think you can fathom it.  I love to hear from new moms and in their stories there is a mixture of head over heals love and pure exhaustion. 
My mom is coming this Sunday! I love being able to have her here for this time.  She knows me and is someone I want around as I deliver my baby and then bring him home.  I love my husband and of course want him here but there is comfort in having your mom there who has had 5 babies and can encourage darren how to coach me through.  (She told me that she wants to be in the room but that she wants Darren to be there coaching me.)
I'm nervous to go into labor.  I'm sure at that point i'll be thinking 'I don't want to do this anymore!' :) Pain isn't fun as we all can agree on but in the back of my mind i've made a note to remind myself that with this kind of pain it's going to end and what it's bringing is a tiny bundle of joy! I hope that through the contractions i'm able to remember that! 

Well it's time to pop another tums and try this sleep thing again. :) I hope you're having a good weekend!

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