Monday, December 5, 2011

Have a seat :) I'd offer you something to drink but my home is currently undone accompanied with a fresh scent of cardboard. We are on low supply of food and drinks this week.  But please make your way in and sit down for a minute. 

We're moving across town into a beautiful rental home. I've never actually owned a home but from what I hear it's wonderful.  We're simply borrowing a home for this year and getting all the comforts of one without the stress of home ownership! Isn't that a great deal?
Today I was able to tape a few boxes together and pack away some areas we won't use for the next week and a half.  It's always amazing how much you accumulate over the years. I am a firm believer in having a place for everything and I crave a neat home! But strangely i'm not anxious with this mess because it's an organized mess! Those are the best kind :). 

Oops! I almost forgot to turn on my pretend fireplace! It came along with our cable service and I jumped with joy when I found it.  (seriously, i leaped into the air, picture that!) It's beyond fake and I have a grin every time I turn it on but it's the small things in life like a pretend fire that make me happy.

I woke up this morning after what was such a deep conversation with the Lord last night and I was refreshed.  I'm currently learning Grace right now.  You have to understand that for as long as I can remember this has not been something I accepted for my life. I was never hesitant to tell other people of God's grace but no that wasn't for me! Do you realize when you are a perfectionist like myself and living life trying to pay God back, having high expectations for yourself and others it leads to brokenness.  You are never good enough and when years are spent with this mindset there is bitterness and anger because this idea of God that I created was really hard to please. Life isn't enjoyable when you are daily not living up to what you think you ought.   God wasn't fulfilling because I wasn't understanding Him.  Having low self esteem for what seems like an eternity didn't help either.  But here we are and I'm learning for the first time about God's grace, about who I am in Him.  Last night I became very aware of the hard work it will be during this healing process.  I'm having to change a mindset that i've had since before high school.
It's a miracle to me the way God is changing me. 
This morning I remembered the life of Paul (in the bible) and how he had praise for God continually. He lived in a constant joy.  I began to pray for a heart like Paul's.  That I would to learn to be content in my day to day life.  That I would understand not everyday will be at the peaks of a mountain but that I would continue to look to Christ.   
Often when we talk about becoming saved we think it's an immediate change of our lives as though God is going to change everything for the better that moment.  We want to believe that as a christian we now will have an easy life with no pain.  How sad it is when you come to the reality that hard situations happen to even the child of God.  That in fact you aren't well liked and what you believe is nice for you but just a fantasy in the opinion of many.  But knowing that God has a plan and that he is enough is where you begin to grow as a christian.  Accepting his love and grace as a sinner is the most freeing thing i've ever experienced. 
Have you ever been there too?

Jesus came as a servant.  He didn't make a grand entrance and he had no reputation.  I will never stop learning new things about his time spent on earth and will be amazed with each new thing I learn. 
I'm grateful that my God is strong, humble, and full of GRACE. We talked through the concept of how his yoke is easy and his burden being light. (I'm living that right now)

I don't know what God's will is for my future but I am not afraid to dream now.  I am not putting myself down or letting satan continue to have a hold causing me to live in bondage.  God created something beautiful in each one of us and it's a shame when we tear it apart. 

I have to get back to packing and then come through my promise to little Garrett that we'd take a walk! Have a wonderful day dear friend!

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