Thursday, April 8, 2010

just breathe...


Hope you had a wonderful day! It was another beautiful day here. I could get used to this weather, but now as i'm writing we're having a thunderstorm. :) (i love those too).

What's with the title you're thinking? Well my blood pressure has only recently come down from boiling hot a few hours ago. I haven't felt put down for my faith for awhile until class today. It became obvious that who i am, and what i believe is silly...and only an opinion at that. Also that it is inevitable that our world is changing and i need to accept that. I sat in class fuming about our world and the sin in it. I bit my tongue to keep from sharing anymore of my beliefs. I remembered how C.S. Lewis talked about debating, that it's a waste of your time because the other person has different standards of truth. I keep going over our talk in class and wondering if i could have said something more intelligent to persuade people's views. But then i come to the conclusion, it's sin, and our world is what it is because of that. Who wants to be told what they're doing is wrong? We are always trying to justify sin, it's been that way since the beginning of time.

I have been doing a lot of studying lately. Not for school, but about The Bible. I'm going through two books, 'The case for Christ' by Lee strobel, and 'Evidence that demands a verdict' by Josh McDowell. I've learned a lot so far, and am thankful for more knowledge on the book that i treasure. On the side of that i've been studying song of Solomon which i am loving. It is written in form of poetry (a song) and is a really great love story. Although i have a list of questions that won't be answered i'm realizing i need to focus on the main point of the story. :) The more i dig and find new things i only want to know more. I'm hungry for God and when i'm reading His word it is the closest i get to Him. I can read the things Jesus said, and smile because i think he is fantastic.
Today i had to find the passage that talks about when Jesus went into the temple (in Jerusalem) and turned tables over and was angry for these people misusing God's temple, making it into a marketplace.(John 2:13-16) Seeing Jesus get angry about the misuse of God's temple made me smile, and feel better. I'm comforted with the understanding that Jesus faced situations where people pushed the envelope. He did not turn his head away and let it go on. He said NO WAY! and rode these people out. Just because the world says one thing does not mean i need to as a christian accept it.

I want to share a story with you that broke my heart. I was looking through a blog yesterday by a young woman who is a wife, mother, and loves God very much. I can't re-tell the story the best but i'll try. i do want to share the link to her blog in case you'd like to read it yourself; it's the entry from feb 6.
Her husband and her had their third child, a little boy who seemed to be very healthy. When he was three months old they found him one day in his crib not breathing. As she retold the moments in that day i began to cry. She was honest and her emotions were raw. Her beautiful little boy is gone and i can't understand why. I read one more entry of hers that was when he would have been 6 months old. Her words broke me..she still is looking to God, though she faces unthinkable pain everyday. I cried because of how inspiring her faith was to me. I wish i could make my words sound better make this story touch your life as much as it did mine. I prayed yesterday and cried out to God. I questioned through tears why this beautiful mother who LOVED her little boy was now not going to be able to see him turn one, or go through life. She would give anything for just five more minutes with him, but there are so many mothers dying for five days without their children. (i do realize kids can be quite overwhelming and when i'm a mother i'll most likely have my moments i think this!) You just don't realize how fragile life is. I asked, why do horrible things happen to such good hearted people? I don't know this woman, but what broke my heart was that tragedy can happen to anyone. Even myself, and i asked would my faith still be strong like hers? Would i still praise God through a loss like hers? I'm inspired by her faith and was reminded that God is sovereign.

This weekend i'm excited to have my husband home. I was talking today to a friend over lunch and began talking about Darren and without thinking spurted out how he was my best friend and i loved seeing God work in his life. These words made my heart leap with joy. God is working each day in our hearts, and i'm constantly amazed by where we are standing today compared to a year ago. He has started a bible study for the other students at the school he's going to. This morning was his first one and no one showed up. I was still extremely proud of Him for giving the opportunity at an EARLY hour in the morning. He is seeking answers to hard questions and i'm thankful that he's choosing to strive towards God instead of throwing in the towel and walking away. Darren is a strong guy with a huge heart. People see him as very quiet but when you spend time with him you learn really quick how much he likes to make people laugh. (i love this about him because i love laughing) Darren doesn't show much emotion on his face but I'm learning to read him better and better. This excites me! Marriage is hard, but I'm glad we are jumping over huge hurtles together. He is becoming a fine leader and husband.
Last night we talked about how in two months the possibility of us being separated for months and months. I told him i wanted to treasure all of these moments together. I'm going to miss him when he has to leave, and deployments are something i'm dreading with all my heart. I want to make sure i do not make him feel bad for going because it's not his fault. I'm trying to balance being strong and being sad about the inevitable. Secretly i keep praying for a way around so long of separations. For example i hope if he gets onto a ship that they've already been out for 3 months so he will only have 3 months left. Things like that :).
Well I'm going to wrap this up. I hope you have a good weekend, I'll try to write again!

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