I'm here! It's around 11pm but I have an overflowing heart to share and my baby boy is fast asleep so here it goes..
We spend a lot of time together and i've come to realize how my heart simply aches with love for Garrett.
He is constantly revealing this gummy grin that cracks me up! He is happy 75% of the time but lets be real..he has fussy moments that make me want to pull my hair out! So I've come to really treasure the quiet moments in the day. My house has been a disaster and I can't seem to catch up with the laundry! Does it ever end? Do you ever feel buried in it too? But sometimes I stop and remember this time with my son won't last forever and so I get down on his level and play for now while the dishes pile up and laundry overflows the hampers. I eventually get around to taking care of the mess but i'm enjoying Garrett during these days that are flying by.
Darren and I have been enjoying each other so much lately. We've been laughing a lot together and that in itself is a wonderful thing for a relationship! He has been incredible in listening to my late night thoughts or questions about things i'm reading. He came home the other night with an incredible gift! It was a collage of a bunch of maternity pictures and then a nice picture of Garrett on the end. It was really thoughtful and brought a huge smile to my face.
This is hanging on my fridge...
Seeing this each and every morning has been a blessing. I'm reminded that i'm already accepted by God and have a purpose. I have such a fear of rejection and it at times makes me miserable. I decided to write this verse down and fight the temptation to believe the constant lies that i'm not good enough. I recently began reading my bible (a plan to read it in one year) every day and have been amazed with how much God is revealing to me. I am his student each day as I open His word and there are days I want to hug Him and tell Him how thankful I am for loving me when I don't deserve it at all. I came to this point where I was really hungry for God and wanting so much more of him in my life. Well when I was reading in Matthew the other day I came across this;
"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled" Matthew 5:6
I have been richly blessed through God's word and the lives of those i've read about in the Bible so far. I am tired of trying to prove that God exists, to myself. I think that I would have been like peter in denying I knew Christ the day he was crucified for me. I can hardly stand to admit that but I am no different than peter was. I am so afraid to step out in faith and be totally committed to a life of serving God because I'm afraid of being rejected. But God says you can't have both worlds. I guess that i'm glad he's revealing the ugly parts of me so that they can be replaced with something beautiful. He calls me to have faith in him and although it is hard He will provide strength. So right now we agreed I would read the Bible everyday with an open heart. I have set aside all the footnotes and am just reading God's word.
Last night I realized July 6, 2011 will mark 17 years of being saved. I remember to this day when I was 5 years old and asking Jesus into my heart. Then I remember sitting on my mom's bed and her asking me a few questions to see if I really had. I don't remember much from my 5th year of life but that moment stands out to me.
Maybe motherhood makes me more serious about knowing God as I am Garrett's teacher. (proverbs 1:8) I'm thankful for my quiet time right now and even though a stay at home mom isn't the most flattering to a world that compares success with how much money you are making but I know i'm exactly where God wants me to be, and that right now my job is to teach Garrett about Jesus. I can't wait to see Garrett grow over the years but mostly I can't wait to see God reveal himself through the years and see the man He becomes in Christ.
I have been feeling a little more daring lately so I decided to try my hand with a few projects. This first one I didn't get a before picture but it was a silver dish that I picked up awhile back for a few dollars and I decided to spray paint it! It turned out great :). I'm not sure what to do with it but for now it's holding some of my jewelry.
I will post better pictures but I painted our bedroom! Oh how I love it :). I have since picked up picture frames to really tie the loose ends of the room. It is finally the romantic harbor I've been craving.
Alright well that's all for tonight! Have a wonderful night :)