Sunday, March 28, 2010

Am i really here?


Okay all day I've been asking myself, 'am i really here'? My sister in law and her husband, two girls, and I spent the day in D.C. We've made multiple trips down but each time we find ourselves feeling like the whole experience is surreal. You know what i mean? Being in the nations capital flying kites as if it's in your own backyard. How strange is that?
Aside from those thoughts, i was filled with smiles being out with family today! We walked around by the cherry blossom trees (a gift from japan i learned!) and enjoyed some good conversation. It's always great to spend a day laughing! I owe all thanks to a two and four year old. They are wonderful and full of goofy sayings and funny 'matter of fact' phrases. But my favorite thing today was when i was told i would be missed tomorrow! :)
I am perfectly content with just my husband and I but a part of me looks forward to children someday. It will be quite an adventure! I watch parents all the time to try to pick up on the good and bad, don't we all? A parent has such a tough job and i have the utmost respect for all those mommies out there who have little hands pulling on them, begging for their attention all day. Who says that's not a job!! It's the most important one in my opinion.
Sometimes there are days I'm tired of being brave and pretending it's okay. In regards to my husband being in the navy. I try not to pity myself too much and really have been all excitement, but oh boy this week that was not the case. I'm a little ashamed to admit i had a HUGE 'poor Laura' pity party! I am over it now BUT let me tell you it happened. I cried and thought why? I'm suppose to be married to a man that works 9-5, we live in the country, with a few children, i am organized, we sit down every night to a yummy home cooked meal, the sun sets as i read a book and he reads the newspaper, and i fall asleep in his arms and it's P E R F E C T. Oh common i know some of you are laughing...! even i am a little. My life is certainly not like this. I wake up early in the morning to drive my husband to work then i come home and try to fall back asleep but end up laying there thinking of all i need to get done. I am hardly organized! Home cooked meals are difficult when my man is not home a lot, and there is NO country living. My man does not read, but i try to read here and there. He is not his own, there's a big guy that tells him where he's going to go and when. (okay maybe he's not big, but whoever 'he' is I'm not sure if i like him) When we go to bed my husband sprawls out and leaves me a tiny space to sleep like a stick. What happened to my romantic dream! ;)
Okay Okay, it's not my perfect world, but I'm thinking the life i have is more realistic and better. My husband loves me and has decided to serve His country. (that's honorable and brave!) He does hold me and thank me for yummy meals and desserts! We laugh with each other and enjoy going through life together. When he is gone I GET THE WHOLE BED to myself :) (you'd think i sprawl out but no...i line the pillows alongside of me) He's my perfect fit but we're still learning how we fit together.
It's not all smiles for me when i consider the downsides of the Navy. BUT I'm being reminded to keep my eyes on Christ because he's going to take me through each hard moment as well as the great ones. I felt sorry for myself because I don't always get first place, and have to be a really good follower. Lets face it, sometimes we stop and sit down and feel bad for ourselves but that's when we take our eyes off Christ. Is it really so bad? There are amazing blessings in my life, and i should be thankful for each moment with my husband! I should be proud of the man he is for serving his country and taking care of me. Well i think you get the point :)
It's not always going to be easy but there are always 10 blessings i can remember for the next time i want to feel sorry for myself.

I hope you had a great weekend!

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