The War on Marriage

Want to join me for some late night conversation? I'm a stay at home mother but don't let that deceive you..I still study God's word because it fuels this passion to follow him whole-heatedly.

Here is a glimpse into what was hours spent flipping sticky pages, being challenged, and learning more about God.  It was an incredible afternoon well spent!

We have to be real with each other if we're going to be friends.  You have to know where I stand and why I stand there. 

Our country is fanning the flames for what is to become a huge battle and its time to give them a message deeper then, "It takes faith", "Its just wrong", or the common if i ignore this will it go away?  Our lives are hard and some of us are growing weary.

Its time to shed light on the truth.

Its going to get heated tonight and your blood pressure will probably go up a few degrees but if we're truly friends then hear me out and know that this bold move was prayed over all day and has been stirring in my heart for the last few months.

The War on Marriage

1.Marriage-a union created by God

2.Divorce

3.Pre-marital sex/living together before marriage

4.Homosexuals desire to be married

5.Conclusion

In the beginning God created man in his own image (Genesis 1:27-28).

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."

"God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it."

After God created Adam he said it was not good for man to be alone. 

Genesis 2:18

"The Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

Eve was created from the rib of Adam to be his helper and one equal to him.

God blessed Adam and eve with marriage, it was a gift and he told them to be fruitful.

He goes on to say in verse 24;

"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

This union of marriage was instituted by God not any culture.

In the very first book of the bible where it talks about the beginning of earth we see the first marriage in its perfect design.

There are three main instructions that God gave

1The man leave his parents and in a public act promise himself to his wife

2are joined together by taking responsibility for each others welfare

3the two become one flesh in intimacy and commitment of sexual union that is reserved for marriage

A strong marriage includes all three.

Source: piccsy.com via Laura on Pinterest

I wish that this could have ended right there.  That we would be living in that perfect world God created but we all sinned and chose to for selfish gain.

Sin marks the turn in a once perfect marriage union.

But note that God never redefines marriage.

He instructs us all throughout scripture how to be the wives and husbands that honor Him.

In fact in three places it says the exact same thing.

Matt 19:4-7, Mark 10:6-9, Gen 2:22-24

All say that at the beginning the Creator made them male and female and said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh so they are no longer two but one.  Therefore what God has joined together let man not separate.

(Please do read these yourself)

Source: wearethatfamily.com via Laura on Pinterest

In Ephesians 5:22-23 the apostle Paul writes,

"Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and present her to himself as a radiant church without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.  In this same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- for we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh.  This is a profound mystery-but i am talking about Christ and the church.  However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

We're going to leave it at this but there is so much more instruction for marriage throughout the Bible but this is the main point.  Our marriage ought to be an example of the picture of Christ and His church which really is a beautiful thing.

Marriage was a gift from God to a man and a woman.

But the institute of marriage designed by the Creator is crumbling.

Divorce

Just last week a friend sat on my couch and told me she was to leave her husband and had already moved out.  I love her dearly and my heart broke to hear that she was throwing in the towel.  I understood because marriage is not for the weak.  It takes a bold man and woman to make vows such as:

I promise to love you forever and forsake all others until death do us part.

It takes two people who love the other and consider the other more important then their own needs.

My dear friend had fallen for another man and he looked like a real prince charming compared to her husband, the toad who seemed to stop paying attention to her and meeting her deepest need to be loved.

We've messed up, and i'm owning up to that.

In my own marriage we have sinned and taken huge sprints away from the umbrella of God's authority when the rain appeared fun to dash through. And if we're being honest, we were miserable people when we disobeyed God and came back a mess.  But God lovingly dried us off and gave us a brand new pair of dry clothes.

Lets dig into divorce though and hear what God's word says.  In Matthew 19:3 the Pharisees (Religious Men) approach Jesus with what seems like an innocent question 'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?

Jesus answers in verse 4 by going back to the beginning explaining where God joined man and woman together let man not separate.

In verse 8 he goes on to say, "Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery."

Its pretty clear right there that Jesus is not for divorce.  He gives us an out in the circumstances of unfaithfulness but I have to point you to the entire book of Hosea.  God instructs Hosea a prophet to marry a woman who goes on to leave him and their children and sleep with other men.  He instructs Hosea to buy her back and love her still.  God wanted to demonstrate his own love for Israel, his chosen nation.  He wanted to show that although they had gone astray and were unfaithful in their sin he still forgave and loved them.

God has redeemed many broken marriages where one spouse was unfaithful. Its truly humbling to see God restore a broken marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:10-15

¹⁰ To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. ¹¹ But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife.

¹² To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. ¹³ And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. ¹⁴ For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

¹⁵ But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.

This verse can't be any more clear. A wife who divorces her husband is not to be remarried.  (This may cause the blood pressure to rise a few degrees.) In 1 Corin. 7:39 Paul says, "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives.  But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord."

We have twisted Gods word in so many ways for our selfish purposes.  Because let me tell you how hard marriage is.  The raw feelings you will deal with when your spouse lets you down or isn't interested in having conversation.  When he would rather watch a baseball game then take a walk with you.  Or when I nag him and am like a dripping faucet.  Because of sin, marriage became a whole lot harder.  But again, God never said it was okay to get out when things became difficult.

Do you need a minute?

This is a lot of information and it takes time to really wrap your heart around these words.

Doesn't truth hurt sometimes?

If you allow Him, God gets under your skin and makes the wrong uncomfortable.  He did just that to the Pharisees who were out to stump him..but he could not be silenced.

Pre-marital sex/living together before marriage

Its almost unheard of these days to hear about two people being virgins when they come together on their wedding night.  Its sad because we only rob ourselves the pleasure when we wait. We live in a culture where sex is everywhere and the message is to indulge in it.

But God's design for sex as stated in Genesis was that it was meant for marriage between a man and a woman.  We were to be fruitful and have children, and it was a gift to enjoy that pleasure of becoming one with our spouse.  Sex outside of marriage destroys relationships, in marriage with the right attitude it can be a relationship builder i've learned.

We were meant to be be joined together after the wedding night and then to live together.  Yet our culture looks on that as foolish and its because marriage is a commitment and some aren't willing to fully commit but want to still play house and try to incorporate a good sex life outside of marriage with their partner.  It has left a lot of grief in its aftermath though. 

It goes against God's original design for marriage.

If you are remarried at this point make sure this time around you hold to your vows and commitment to love your spouse, God's message of salvation didn't stop at 'we are sinners' he made plans to save us. If you had sex before marriage the same truth applies.

Homosexuals desire for marriage

We already heard Jesus' word in Matthew 19:4 talking about marriage between a man and a woman. 

I want to focus on the first chapter in Romans.  The author is apostle Paul.  Lets keep in mind the entire blueprint of this book of the bible though as to not take it out of context.

1 sinfulness of humanity

2Forgiveness of sin through Christ

3freedom from sins grasp

4 Israels past, present, and future

Lets dig together in the first chapter though. All of us are sinful and Paul gives it to us straight.

I know this is long but please read for yourself

Romans 1

New International Version (NIV) 

God’s Wrath Against Sinful Humanity

¹⁸ The wrath of God is being revealed from heaven against all the godlessness and wickedness of people, who suppress the truth by their wickedness, ¹⁹ since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them. ²⁰ For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

²¹ For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. ²² Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools ²³ and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

²⁴ Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. ²⁵ They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

²⁶ Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones. ²⁷ In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error.

²⁸ Furthermore, just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, so God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they do what ought not to be done. ²⁹ They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, ³⁰ slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; ³¹ they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. ³² Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.

In verse 26 is directly talks about woman exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones and then in 27 it says in the same way men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another.  Men committed shameful acts with other men.  Why am I going here?  Because I can't just simply tell you that homosexuality is a sin, i need you to know where God says this.  How he never intended marriage to be between two women or two men.  The problem is that two woman might really love each other or two men might love each other and they may have a better chance of staying committed then a man and his wife even.  But let me say that a woman can love a man that is not her husband (vise versa).  But it still doesn't excuse the sin of adultery which God calls sin.  God is clear about homosexuality being a sin.  Not any more worse then another sin but still not okay by Him.  But homosexuals define themselves as just that being homosexuals not by choice and i do believe they are attracted to the same sex and have been for some since a young age.  How can you argue to them that its wrong? They will twist Gods word some hating you and your God for telling them they are wrong and others twisting God's word to say He is fine with it.  But stepping out from under the umbrella of God's authority is messy and there isn't much lasting joy.

Roughly 4 million people over the age of 18 identify themselves as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/04/07/gay-population-us-estimate_n_846348.html 

They want to be heard, and they want to be accepted yesterday. They want the government to recognize their unions as marriage too and at their heals are the men who want to have multiple wives.  This isn't something the christian can simply ignore in hopes it will go away.  In the same way Jesus was always ready with an answer for his critics we need to own our faith boldly but lovingly.

One of my dearest friends is gay.  She reads every single blog post and never fails to comment.  She has walked with me this journey of life as a mother herself and a woman learning alongside me.  She's my friend and I care so much for her.  If she came over to my house we would laugh and talk about the good, bad, and the ugly in life.  I respect her because she's kind, loving, a good mother, friend, and she has supported my dreams since the beginning of my blog. 

Her and I differ on this and that's okay because I have the utmost respect for her still.  And if ever she needs a friend i'm here not judging.  Even if she got married today to a woman, we'd still be friends and I'd still want to be her friend.

God placed her in my life for a purpose and i'm glad he did.

In the same way that I will love my divorced friend, my remarried friend, and gay friend God loves them that much deeper.

Conclusion

It all comes down to selfishness which means to be devoted to oneself. (websters)  We don't want to deny that which brings us pleasure, do we? I'm guilty of it all the time.  It would be much easier to flirt with another man to meet the need of wanting attention then to patiently love my own husband and wait on him.  Or even deeper, to consider him better then my needs and go about meeting his before mine are met.  Marriage is hard but God defined it simply between a man and a woman.

In Matthew 7:1 we are warned "Do not judge, or you too will be judged"  Its one thing to take a bold stand in your faith but a completely other thing to sit judging the world.  Let God be the judge of humanity.  Its a very fine line and one i've struggled with myself.

If you disregard this as a hypocritical bitter christian woman's opinion, okay, that's fine. :)

But trust me,

Not being under the umbrella of God's authority only robs you of the joy Christ gives so freely.

And I can't stress this enough...

Ephesians 6

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

Satan is on the prowl like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  He is after our homes, marriages, children, hearts, minds, and souls. His main goal is to separate us for our loving God.  And I think he's done a great job of disrupting this world so far.

Our enemy is not our spouse, the divorced man or woman, the homosexual fighting for their rights, its against satan. And it's personal..choose to duke it out with him by living your life being obedient to God loving him deeply, and considering others better then yourself. 

The majority of people who claim to love God are not motivated by hate when disagreeing with homosexuality, premarital sex, or divorce but they have love for those individuals.

If we are going to have this relationship with God then we need to be all in...no more hanging out on the fence because he makes it clear in Revelation 3:16

"But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold. I will spit you out of my mouth!"

God lovingly laid out his plan for our salvation and we've touched on it many times together.

He invites us into a relationship with him through Jesus Christ's death on the cross paying our debt.

No matter what our past choices have been, he offers to make us white as snow.

I hope you will stick around for more of my story.  That you will see how I was guilty of sins and how God redeemed a very broken girl.  I haven't lived righteous all the days of my life.

But this has never about pointing to myself, its pointing to a perfect God.

As a christian it is my mission to witness the hope I have in Christ. 

Its time we all start to protect marriage and aim to walk as righteous people loving God and others.

It won't always be this heavy around here but trust this message comes from a tender place in my heart.

If your opinions differ then what was all stated here I do hope you'll return and that we can simply agree to disagree. :)

This is my answer to all of the ridicule I have received in the last years over these issues, people have demanded an answer and this is what i've discovered to be God's truth based on His word. I've prayed all day you'd receive this message well.

Laura



Recently I read through a post from a women who was truly upset over people not giving proper credit where credit is due. I felt guilty thinking back if i've ever slipped up and not properly cited an idea and then stopped myself. 

I'm sorry if in the past i've done a lousy job of doing that.  I wouldn't ever walk into someone's house and steal a candle sitting on their table so I don't want anyone to think i've stolen anything from them.  :)  

There are such wonderful ideas out there for fixing up your home or different recipes and i'm simply inspired by them wanting to recreate that in the life i'm living. 

Lets have some grace on each other though. 

So here's our deal.

If I do have an original thought or idea..

use it! and don't worry about giving me credit. I will just be happy that you are using something that I came up with.

We're friends :)

This blog has been wonderful allowing connection with others, a chance to hear your stories, as well as grow closer to you.  There have been moments I wonder if anyone is checking in but I think that's something us fellow bloggers do wonder. God has really stilled all those fears in me of not being good enough by teaching me  I have a story and a message of embracing my relationship with Him, marriage, motherhood, friendships, the military, etc that maybe just one more person needs to hear that she will know she's not alone.  We were meant to do life together and that's why I want to be here in this small way.

 Blogging is a humbling experience..but i'm grateful to have this corner to come and share.  Thank you for coming back and listening and also teaching me.

Okay! Enough on that...lets jump into all of these pictures!

are you ready? there's a ton of them today :) but don't we all love pictures when we're too tired to read?

Spring banner!

I needed some cheer in our family room and this did it.

http://www.aholidayhaven.com/2012/01/free-printable-spring-banner.html

Now, please notice those pillows.  They've been with us for almost four years now and needed a little TLC.

I made these envelope pillow cases for them! I am a new at sewing but that was a lot of fun.

In my last post is a link for where I found this idea.

There is more story to these pillow cases but we'll talk about them another time.

{I needed His words in my home.} 
And I went digging for a good printable and found this. LOVE it :)

http://onedogwoof.blogspot.com/2012/03/he-has-risen-printable.html

Easter is one of my favorites.

This picture didn't come out too great but can i ask for your help in what to do in the front? Flower ideas that are inexpensive?  I have two empty pots hanging out on the porch. I've been weeding this last week so i'm ready to plant..but don't have the know-how. :)

My Easter Decoration from Dollar General. $3

My in laws sent us a sweet box of goodies that we opened today.

This was in it! Adorable :) G and I read this book tonight. I saw a very cute peter rabbit picture at goodwill the other day for a few dollars and wanted to buy it to fix up G's room in this theme but couldn't justify doing that at this point.  Oh well!

Our Church had an Easter egg hunt that the little guy couldn't get enough of.  It's hard to believe he's actually walking.

'Look momma! I got one!'

I love this picture of him :) He is checking out all of his goodies.

We're not done yet :)

Bag of Easter eggs draping on one arm and the diaper bag on the other I swung the door open cheerfully and looked over to THIS beautiful piece.  I swung back around and looked at my husband who was grinning ear to ear.

That man does love me.

He helped a friend move today and they were going to throw this away! Darren said 'hey my wife would love this!'

That's what i call love.  AND i don't even need to touch it because it's already my color. :) But..i don't know what to do with it yet or where it will go exactly.  Ideas are welcomed!

AND then..I walked into the kitchen and he was putting this back together! They gave us this table too! Can you hear my excitement?  Sometimes life is good and God must love seeing his girl happy by allowing this stuff to happen.

I'm accepting our new budget and he is blessing that.



I have been walking a lot this week with a few moments of running in there as well as eating much better.  It's all about moderation. :) I'm seeking freedom here but that's another post :) anyways my husband brought these home and i treated myself to...TWO..

Am i the only one who wants to savor the freshness that first day? Two, three day donuts aren't the same as first day, right?

Looks like it's going to be a run tomorrow and not a walk!

Phew! are you still with me? Only a few more, I promise.

I bought this chalkboard for $1.48 and painted it..yes you guessed it, white!

I am still deciding where to hang it and how to make sure it doesn't fall since It doesn't have any hooks on the back.

~~~~~~*~~~~~

If not for the Navy I wouldn't have found my way to this beautiful rental home.  I have been one happy girl living here and being able to make this our home.  The other night I teared up when I thought about having to move one day from this house, I wish we could take it with us.  Four bedrooms and two bathrooms, a nice fenced in backyard..well this is perfect for me!

But I'm going to live fully here in this home and not think about the future.  We'll take it one day at a time. 

Are you loving where God has placed you? Or are you struggling feeling like the walls are caving in around you?

I don't know where you live but here's a few things i'd encourage you to do asap..

1.Let the light in! Open the shades or windows if warm enough

2.Take a walk (if it's safe)

3.Buy a yummy smelling candle

4.Ask a friend to help you fix up a room

5.Browse some blogs and be inspired (don't feel bad you don't have what others do but do collect ideas)

6.Be thankful for what you do have and embrace where you're at in life, sometimes you won't feel like it and it will require a choice..but it's worth picking a good one. :)

Praying and thinking about you tonight!

Thank you so much for stopping in today. :)

Deployment

He hugs his pregnant wife and kisses her goodbye. 

A man comes up and asks to shake his hand and says, 'Thank you for your service'.

I choke back a sob.  

Be strong Laura..just be strong and don't cry.

He flashes a smile one last time and turns swinging that green sea bag over his shoulder.  

Step after step he moves forward not looking back.

I climb into the car and I start to smile and I pray out loud thanking God for the beautiful day and for my husband.  I ask he'd keep him safe over the months to come and to keep us close.

Oh sweet friend are you walking through this season of deployment? Getting ready for one or are you anxiously awaiting the return of your man? 

It's hard. Don't let anyone fool you otherwise.

There is nothing normal about having your husband gone for 6+ months.

But can I tell you what i've come to learn that i'd hope would encourage you too?

God WILL bless you and redeem that hard time.

The military may direct your families destination but God is in every detail orchestrating the path HE wants your family to be on. Trust Him and go willingly.  There is nothing worse then seeing a military spouse who goes kicking and screaming. I know because i've been there and it's a shame.

You have to make a choice to accept the unfortunate circumstances of your husband's departure and embrace God's plan for your family.

Here are a few things that have helped me:

♦Spend time with God

♦See family 

♦Pray without ceasing.  (For your spouse, family, and for strength.)

♦Get out of the house! (play group, over to a friends house, lunch or coffee dates with a girlfriend)

♦Serve God (I loved helping in the kids club at church).

♦Write letters, email, (and if you miss a call •breathe•or cry if that helps.) :) Don't you hate when that happens!

♦It's okay to cry some days.

♦Have the courage to square those shoulders and do life.

♦Remember the huge sacrifice you are making and see it as a gift to others.  You are in the 1% that serves this country and that's an honor.  Be proud of your man.

♦Remember that God has chosen you for this. He will provide.

♦Don't dwell on 'who has it harder' be thankful that you are able to go to sleep in your own bed, have the comforts of home and are relatively safe.  

♦Choose to love him and work through any differences that arise during the time apart. It's going to happen and miscommunication will occur but remember to seek the Lord always.

God is still writing my story and I have to admit that my stomach still turns into knots when we receive word my husband will be leaving.  There is not much glory in being a military wife but I have seen how God blesses an attitude that embraces and it's incredible! 

Don't walk this road alone and defeated.  There are many other families facing the same thing so dare to get to know another women and reach out to her.  

I have loved how different wives handle deployments differently because it gives me the right encouragement.  There is no one perfect way to handle a deployment.   These are some things that i've picked up from others that i've kept close to my heart because they've worked.

And to close..

Don't ever forget that sweet moment when He walks back into your life with a smile and that embrace...oh that embrace is one you will NEVER forget! 

Treasure that gift dear one.

I am praying for you today and hoping that you are doing well with whatever season you find yourself in today.

~Laura~

Would love to hear your stories on how you handle deployments! 

For my son's first birthday party I had every intention of having an owl theme.  The invites I creativly put together had fun owl sayings and in my mind that's how the party would look like.  I realized today while beginning to decorate that this owl theme was all pinterested up in my mind :) (kind of like dreamed up). Can anyone relate with me!? I had to make a quick desicion to be okay with the reality that it's not but it's still going to be a wonderful day with friends celebrating our sweet boy. 

Although i've been busy cleaning today I HAD to get outside because this weather is to die for.  I took Garrett with me on our first run of the year and we both loved it.  As feet pounded the pavement I remembered how hard running is but decided to push through. 

Thankful for good friend loaning us their jogging stroller!

Then I finished weeding my flower bed in the front.  For me there's something theraputic about weeding and taking care of my own yard.  I L O V E it. Weird huh?

I'm excited for this spring to plant flowers and praying that God would allow there to be room in our budget for flowers.

I have one year in this beautiful home (as of now) and want to bloom where God's placed us and part of that is throwing myself into caring for this home and making it our own.

Yesterday morning I heard one of the best testimonies of a wife learning how to love her husband better.  Eydie Thomas spoke to a group of military women about her own journey of being a selfish wife to wanting to bless her man.  I walked away encouraged to love Darren and take care of him.  I can relate to her story because in the first few years of my marriage that's been my attitude most of the time.  In my marriage it was 'me, myself, and I'.  It's hard to admit to that but i'm learning right now how to die to myself.  Bare with me becuase this is simply not easy for a human being.  It's a supernatural act that gives me the strength to do this. 

Darren doesn't read this :) so i'm going to share this with the wives reading.  Take a journey with me please. 

I don't come to you saying i've figured this out. I'm saying that rock bottom is not fun and it's time to take back what is ours.  Satan has been given way too many strongholds in our hearts.  It can start with the simple realization that our husband is not meeting a need and then we start to gossip about him only to have our attitude toward him turn bitter and this slippery slope leads to hard times in our marriage that we can avoid.

Take 30 days to concentrate on your man.  Don't look at the amount of days just do today with me.  Committ to not say anything negative about him to a friend or even to him. 

Be a blessing in his life. 

Thank him today for something that he does, no matter how small. 

 'But laura he has done this or that to me...'

It's time to let go friends.  As Eydie talked about holding grudges yesterday I realized how rediculous it is to not forgive a friend when they hurt us.  It's freeing to say 'I forgive you and forget it, moving on'. 

I don't know your circumstances but trust me when I tell you that in my own marriage we have been at the door ready to walk out and time and time again God has pointed us to get back into the committment we made before him and love each other.  HE will give you the strength to walk through anything, trust him again.

Please tell me how you did today on loving your man and what creative way you let him know you love him!

I had one of those days where my heart was open and raw for all to see.  I've never treasured this book more before this day.  I recently said there is no manual to help you steer through the uncertain and often painful parts of Marriage and I was wrong.  This book is filled with encouragement. After a rough couple days I was encouraged to spend time in God's word through bible study, listening to sermons, and talking.  I sat down tonight and went to insight.org and listened to Charles swindols latest series.  This is how I know God works..It was on the Book of Hosea.  I didn't realize that's where i'd end up but I realized how important faithfulness in marriage is. Of course you're thinking, but look around how many marriages are crumbling.  I was challenged to remember my vows.  What did I even agree to on that day anyways?  It was such a blur of excitement and I missed the key to that day as I promised to love and to cherish this man until the day I die, no matter what.  These vows I said were loaded and I didn't realize how hard it was going to get with the man standing in front of me.
It is embarrassing and the most painful thing to call up a close one and say, 'Things aren't going well'.  I have been so tired of satan in our homes destroying them, one family after the next. What happened to being faithful?  Well tonight I was given a visual of a prophet named Hosea who was an incredible example of God's faithfulness to his people.  Hosea took a woman from a culture of harlots and married her along with having three children.  She left him though and went into a life of prostitution.  She just left him and her children..how can you do that? Where did her conscience go? But God commanded Hosea to buy her back and love her.  As mr. swindol says, 'God commands him to love her, he is a model of God's infinite love for a nation who despised him.'  Hosea modeled the message of God's faithfulness.  That is what God expects of those married.
What about when my needs aren't being met Lord?
You remain faithful. pray, seek the counsel of others, get down on your knees and lift your spouse to God.  cling to scripture and have faith God will work things out.  Don't be proud and try to handle it on your own.  Satan is on a mission to destroy our homes and it's important to guard our hearts against the things of this world.
Sometimes i'm sick because of my own selfishness.  We talk ourselves into a place we never should be.  That is what happened to Eve in the garden.  All satan did was place a thought..and she did the rest.

I once sat across the table with a good friend and we laughed about a few dating books that did us no favors. It was a real eye opener to how much I expect from my husband.  And let me tell you that some of these expectations were down right impossible for him to ever reach.  We humans fail each other.  Marriages aren't excused from that statement.  We fail each other.  And in my marriage there has not always been room for grace.  What about yours? It's hard.  And anyone who makes their marriage look picture perfect is fooling you.  I can tell you people that have been married for 25 years have stories to tell you about how hard it has been.  True intimacy, friendship, and love takes God and time in a marriage.  And some of us aren't willing to wait and fight through the moments that seem unbearable.  But do..because I look at my parents and see something rare and beautiful.  Two people that are walking through life together, best friends.  I see my grandparents who have experienced life together with children, grandchildren, testing of their faith, death, and they're a picture of grace. They aren't just roommates, they LOVE each other.  I'm not sugar coating this..it's what I was raised around and it's been a blessing.
I don't want to make my marriage out to be something awful but I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you how hard it is.  We are going through tough times and need people to come alongside of us because satan is coming way too close for comfort.  Last night I looked at my husband and said, 'I want God to use our marriage one day as a testimony of His grace and love.'  I meant that with all my heart.  So tonight i'm praying to love my husband in a deeper way that comes only from God.

I think we are going to have to make tough choices coming up in these next weeks and i'd rather stay with the familiar because I hate change but we need to follow God's best for us.
A year ago life was simpler and I was walking through life at the tallest mountains.  Right now i'm walking through valleys but am grateful to God for walking me through with the help of family and close friends.  This is part of life i'm afraid to say, but lessons are being learned and I need this.

On a lighter note..:) I have a cold! The kind that progresses through the day and knocks you out in the evenings.  I've dug out the Kleenex and tea which are comforting to this very congested girl! So it's time to go lay down and get some rest.  Darren is out with the guys from church and his choice food to bring was mcdonalds french fries :).

Talk to you again real soon! Thank you for sticking with me.  I know this wasn't the most cheerful post!
love,
Laura

Marriage has been heavy on my heart friends and I think it's time to share...I pray you wouldn't judge me but simply love me for who I am now.

'Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

In the last 6 months I have witnessed 3 friends go through a divorce and few more quickly headed in that direction.  I lost count of the number of friend's marriages that are struggling..but i'm broken hearted over it. 

I'm going to cry during this post because this is my heart..all set out and raw for you.

I grew up in a blessed household with two parents that love each other deeply.  They are each other's best friend and I was witness to that for that last 22 years.  That's how I saw marriage the way God intended and although they had and have moments they drive each other nuts they followed true to the verse in Ephesians. You don't go to bed upset with each other and fights are resolved.
My father in loving my mother the way Christ loved us showed me how a christ-centered marriage was to look like.  My mother is a strong woman she dealt with the early years where my dad had said he was selfish.  Divorce could have seemed like a better option at the time for her I suppose but do you know how crazy about my dad she is now after all these years?? She loves that guy! And she doesn't even have to say it..you can SEE it when they're around each other.  They have a love and respect for each other that others can see and it affected their children greatly. 

I was sheltered from a world that divorce is now as easy as buying an ice cream cone. You drop yours (marriage) and you can easily go back for another (marriage).  Bad comparison? ha well you get the point...we're not serious about the commitments we're making and satan is having his way with us. 
Maybe we're not willing to put in the work and effort it takes to have a marriage God intended for us?  I expected marriage bliss to simply happen and stick over the course of the years Darren and I'd spend together.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine i'd be sitting on a couch not even a year after we'd been married talking about divorce with Darren and a pastor.  No, that wasn't in my wildest dreams because when I was 15 years old laying under the stars praying for my future husband I imagined pure bliss and that it would be just as the stories said it would...

I would find a handsome man who would love and care for me..he'd spend nights on the beach talking about our God and deeper matters of the heart.  We'd enjoy dinner at the table and go out for ice cream gazing into one another's eyes finding laughter in the small things of life.  He'd go off to work during the day and i'd find my work with the household chores and then as the mother of his children.  It goes on...but I think you see where my dreams where.  They were far off from the reality to come.

When I was 19 years old and very much in love I walked down the isle and had love in my eyes for Darren.  We'd met online just 17 months earlier and although it was a strange way to meet we were perfect for each other.  He thought that whatever job he would have would be far away after he graduated college so he wanted to marry me and take his bride along with him.  Just about 7 months before our wedding there in the mountains of beautiful Arizona we were engaged and I couldn't wait! This was a dream come true...

No one prepares you for marriage, or lets you know, 'Hey this is going to take some work, it's going to be hard'.  And as a 19 year old girl I don't know if I would have even understood. But life happened too quickly for us...within the first few months of our marriage my husband lost his job and I was working as a bank teller.  I went to work from 9-5 and dealt with the public..the good and the very worst.  I was bitter because this wasn't adding up to the expectations i'd had as a young girl.  The laundry, dishes, bills, and problems piled up and we were in over our heads.  How do you tell someone that you're marriage is failing in the first few months?  I cried a lot and darren didn't feel good enough for the work world.  We both felt like we were failing.  We tried to get along but with life piling up against you there seems to be no chance of pushing through.  We didn't have a home church or close friends on top of that.  I was lonely..completely lonely.  I started blaming my husband for the way I felt and sin crept into our marriage like the way it did for Adam and Eve that very first marriage...
We hurt each other bad with our actions and words. Who knew the power we held to break the other down completely?  I was angry with the Lord..my Lord. How could he let this happen? How?
Things only became worse. I started to think about divorce and my rights.  'I didn't deserve to be treated this way', 'I deserve to be happy'. So I began to figure out how to provide for myself and when I went to my father to tell him I was leaving Darren he said no.  I cried and tried to reason at first but He was the angel sent to guard the door by my God.  He made what was i'm sure one of the hardest decisions of his life..he stepped in and brought me home for a few weeks to let darren and I cool off.  We needed counseling, direction, and mostly love.  We started going to counseling and talking through what were the most painful conversations for both of us.  We were facing our sins head on and it hurt but God was reaching in with his hands and breaking us apart to build us back up.
Darren was going to be leaving for basic training and we came back together as things settled down.  I didn't feel hurt or sadness for his coming departure.  I didn't know how to feel towards him or God at the time.  I was hurting and Darren was hurting.  But we were going to make this work.
He left and I was indifferent.  It took two weeks for it to sink in that my husband was gone. It was when I was staying a night at my in laws and that night I cried.  I cried harder than I'd ever in my life.  I cried for my marriage, for my husband being gone, and for all the wrong i'd done to that man.  I prayed that if God would have us that he'd mend our marriage and do a miracle.  I was a broken sobbing mess but one with hope after that night.
Darren began pouring in letters with quite some length on them! I was falling in love with my husband. He wrote powerful things that began to gain my respect and God began working in our hearts. Not everything was fixed but there was signs of light shining through.

The return-
I'd lost a lot of weight while darren was gone and it was just in time for his return.  We headed up to his basic training graduation and I had never been so excited to see my husband.  He was the most handsome man standing there and when we embraced it was the sweetest moment. I held a sailor..a sailor that was mine, all mine.  We'd been through 2 months of training separate but together we were changing.

Maryland-
The navy had a way of bringing us together and then bringing us apart again.  I thought we were good to go now and that all was going to be right.  But Darren in his A-school in maryland didn't have a whole lot of time for me.  We would invite friends over and I was getting more attention from his friends than him.  It was hard to deal with and our home became somewhat of a party home.  I never would have dreamed we'd be serving alcohol in my home.  But that seems to be the way in the Navy..they weren't kidding about the whole 'drunk'n sailors' part.  Things dwindled down and apart again.  We didn't attend a church and didn't have close friends.  Our families weren't too close and no one was holding us accountable.  Sin crept in again and we did things to hurt each other badly. We were back were we started.

Meeting God on a dirt road~
I had a lot building up inside of me.  I didn't have anyone to tell either.  I couldn't dream of calling family and telling them of our mess and we didn't have a pastor to lead us back.  I hadn't prayed in months in fact.  So I went for a walk and before I knew it I began to talk to God.  It was a walk that transformed my heart actually.  I knew that it was time to be honest with Darren and confess different sins that would either lead him to walk away from me or stay.  If we were going to have a marriage that honored God we needed to start fresh and that meant being totally honest.  (I never had an affair if you're getting at that in your mind, thank the Lord! and Darren was never unfaithful either, that is such a mess to deal with in marriage!) Anyways it was march that all this happened and we agreed to work things out.  I gave up my rights in the same way that Christ gave up his rights when he died on the cross for us.  I knew that if this marriage was going to last we needed to have a solid foundation to build it on, Christ. 

Starting fresh with the same one-
A lot of people at this point would have walked away but Darren and I are stubborn and God used that stubbornness for good.  We loved each other and our relationship began to turn into something I never would have dreamed.  We went out together and played catch, basketball, we watched movies together, we went to a few baseball games even. In about 3 months time we became best friends again. I adored him!  I began to relearn him and gain new knowledge of Darren that led me to love him even deeper.  It took a few hard years but we had finally gained a better understanding of how marriage was suppose to work and some ways to make it stick.  Not perfect but definitely the way God had in mind.

A braves game and a new direction~
It was last may that Darren and I went to a baseball game.  We were having an incredible time together and I couldn't imagine life being any better.  We were on the ride home laughing about something when Darren told me he needed to sit down with me later that night.  Friends, to say I was nervous is such an understatement..i was terrified because my husband doesn't have 'sit downs' he is not a talker!
So he sat me down and took my hands and told me he loved me very much and then said he wanted to start our family.  I have never been happier.  Who would have thought that next month we'd be pregnant! :)

Deployment~I was now mommy-to-be and in pure bliss.  Darren had found out he would be going on a long deployment and my heart broke.  I shed enough tears to fill a lake i'm sure of it! But I was trusting in God with all my heart that he would use this time to build our marriage.  He did!  He took that time and tended to my heart and darrens.  I moved back to indiana to stay with my family and was surrounded with a church family that loved me to no ends and I helped in our awana program loving a couple of the cutest girls! I went on a few trips to visit family who I grew to love even more.  I spent time in God's word again something I hadn't done for a long time.  God didn't have to but He went deep in my heart and removed the bad, forgave and filled those empty places with himself. 

Life since- The here and now

I love my husband more than I can write and it would be pretty lengthy to go into detail but trust me on this friends, He is the love of my life!  I thank God for the miracle he performed in my marriage and heart.  I don't have an easy story to tell but I have a marriage that is worth telling about because it took faith to accept God can do the unthinkable in any marriage. 

Here's the truth i've discovered, the man is still going to drive me crazy!
Tonight for example-we're on the phone bickering about who should have to go to the post office to send back movies, and how I've changed more diapers than him and need a break! He walks through the door and we have a sit down talking about getting some things in order so our marriage can be better and i'm sure God is thinking 'laura do you ever stop talking! Give the poor man a break!'  So he goes to sleep at 5 because he's dead tired after getting no sleep last night on duty and I let him...instead I go to cooking hamburger.  I'm in the kitchen pounding away at that meat when I realize 'shoot what was I even making!?'.  Thankfully there are so many choices for what you can make with hamburger :).  But I got to talking about God and confessing how wrong I was and how i'm sorry.  He forgave me and we had a nice evening but it made me think about my marriage as a whole and how thankful I am that the guy sleeping right now is in this home and committed to making this marriage work with me.  I know that he's going to get up and kiss me and tell me I worry to much but he loves me anyways. I love him.  And I am his wife/helpmate for the rest of my life.  He is worth all the grace I can give.
Friends, marriage isn't perfect because of that three letter word I loathe...sin.  We're going to fail each other and maybe even more often than we'd like to admit?  Don't leave.  Don't walk out that door throwing up your hand with the 'My Rights' card.  Because Jesus dying on the cross for our sin didn't throw that out to save us.  Marriage is worth fighting for and making personal sacrifices..
I'm not a marriage expert or counselor but I'm a firm believer in making marriage work.  Trust God will do a miracle and start putting your spouse first. 

~Laura~

Sweetheart,

You have my heart.  I will love and cherish you through all the good and bad years to come.  Thank you for loving me and seeing me through.  I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else.  You 'get' me and still love me for it! I'm one blessed woman.