happy halloween

I have been enjoying this little guy more and more each day.  Tonight we went to a Halloween party (pictures will come later!) and I said, 'Garrett, can mommy have a kiss?' and he turned his head and leaned in and pushed his mouth on my cheek.  I couldn't stop smiling! He is growing and learning and giving kisses?! I didn't even think he knew what that meant but he's catching on quickly. 

We have enjoyed his first Halloween already so much already. We went to get pumpkins, went to a party, went to an amusement park for a free fun day, and are going trick or treating this monday evening.  I realize he is way too little but we're walking around with friends and i'm looking forward to it. :)

Garrett is sleeping through the night.  I feel refreshed in the morning! We put him down and  he is sleeping until around 7am.  It took a few nights of letting him cry it out but now he understands.  We spend a great deal of time together during the day and I get to love on him plenty but at night we need our time and sleep.  I'm really thankful that this has been a smooth transition.  I don't mind the occasional getting up for emergencies but every night for the last 8 months isn't good for our family. 

~*~

I hope you have a wonderful Halloween!   

What are they talking about I wonder? I peek into his room and see him babbling on and on while he sits next to his teddy bear.  These are the sweet moments I hold onto when life is hard.  The simplest things are sometimes the most joyful in my day.

~*~

I step on the scale and my heart sinks.  All that running and nothing...I realize that it's time to consider some diet changes but it's going to be difficult to show self control when food is so tasty! Know what I mean? 

The hardest part of this whole thing is the way satan has attacked my simplest belief that i'm good enough.  He tries to convince me of otherwise.  That is hard to deal with on a daily basis.  I want freedom with how I see myself, don't we all? I don't want to accept the lie that I am only beautiful at size __.  

Healthy is what I'm aiming for.

Who knew this would be such a battle though.  Thankful that it's a new day with opportunities to make better choices.

~*~

Garrett has never slept through the night completely. Normally we wakes up once or twice after putting him in bed and i'll normally nurse him back to sleep.  The hardest thing is knowing you're not doing yourself any favor but how do you break a bad habit? 

We just started to last night. :) I put him to bed last night and he stayed there until 7:30 this morning. He woke a few times crying but we let him cry it out which is actually more difficult then I expected. We're taking this next week to break a bad habit and I know we'll be thankful for this when he is two and sleeping through the night.  I don't mind the occasional times a child wakes in the middle of the night but for 8 months I have never slept through the night and it is not good for our little family.  

Although I woke every time he did I didn't leave my bed and when I got up this morning it was incredibly refreshing! 

And if you can believe it he was even more happy when we got up early to eat and play.  

I'm making mistakes daily, i'm sure of it but i'm thankful for the people who come alongside of me and gently correct me or show me a better way. 

~*~

I love getting letters in the mail.  They're something to hold onto and it's the thought someone put into sending me their words that I love.  I've received a few letters from a distant relative named charles who is one of the sweetest old men I've had the pleasure of talking with.  He has mentioned my great-grandma meske quite a bit and how much she loved me. I remember her very well and miss her so much.  In his latest letter he talked in detail about our family history and it was so neat to learn those things.  Charles was married for 64 years but this last year his wife passed away and he said that things don't work the same without her around.  I hope Darren will think the same when I'm gone. Anyways all that to say it has been a blessing to write and receive these letters.

Well I should get going, hope you have a wonderful day! 

~Laura~

He is almost 8 months and is extra cute and cuddly lately. Unfortunately for me he is also discovering the world leaving no time to snuggle with mom. So I do what any mom would and trick him into snuggling by reading book after book because that's the closest I'm going to get! :) He hasn't caught on yet..

We've been letting him roam around his room and the independence is perfect for him.  He enjoys having 'his time' and I realize it's good for him to not have me always right there.

We've also been walking more and we found a gem of a place!   

He was a little sleepy at this point.

My favorite!

My smile was pretty big at this point. I love a good walking/running trail.

He's so happy! 

Such a pretty place

The trail runs around a lake and is absolutely beautiful! Garrett seems to enjoy taking walks and i'm making more of an effort to carve out time in our days to see new things.

This weekend we are going to a pumpkin patch and I have no expectations other then sitting Garrett next to a pumpkin and snapping a picture. I'm really looking forward to spending time with my two guys though. 

~*~

The clock reads a number I knew he wouldn't want to see. Debating whether to wake him I finally whisper his name into the dark.

 'hmph?' 

"Can I talk to you for a minute? I'm worrying about ____."

He listens and even offers a solution to help because he knows how much this person means to me.  I'm blown away with the extent he is willing to help. 

We kiss goodnight and I roll over now at peace.

"Remember this Laura..don't forget"

I start crying as I whisper to my husband that he is a good man. He needs to hear it.

How do I forget the good things about him whenever he fails to meet my needs? But i'm learning as I stumble through these first years of marriage and It's my prayer that God would continue to mold me into the wife he intended me to be.  

Enjoy your weekend!

I glance out the window and see it jetting out of the ground.  Leaping up I startle the little guy. Where has that old camera gone to now? Guess my cell phone camera will do this time.  

*Click*

There..I got it. As I admire it my heavenly father is remembering his promise.   It feels special to know what he is thinking. He won't flood the world again, no matter how bad things get.   

Genesis 9:8-17

The Message (MSG)

 ^8-11 Then God spoke to Noah and his sons: "I'm setting up my covenant with you including your children who will come after you, along with everything alive around you—birds, farm animals, wild animals—that came out of the ship with you. I'm setting up my covenant with you that never again will everything living be destroyed by floodwaters; no, never again will a flood destroy the Earth."
 ^12-16 God continued, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and everything living around you and everyone living after you. I'm putting my rainbow in the clouds, a sign of the covenant between me and the Earth. From now on, when I form a cloud over the Earth and the rainbow appears in the cloud, I'll remember my covenant between me and you and everything living, that never again will floodwaters destroy all life. When the rainbow appears in the cloud, I'll see it and remember the eternal covenant between God and everything living, every last living creature on Earth."
 ¹⁷ And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant that I've set up between me and everything living on the Earth."




Thank you Lord for this sweet reminder.  Thank you for setting your rainbow in the sky and making it beautiful for all to see.

~*~

Today was especially fun because this baby played in his room after mommy organized it! He seemed to enjoy playing with the toys in his basket and reading books.  He is push-up crawling..can you picture that? It's pretty excited to watch him move but my husband and I have both been getting a workout as we get up and down quite often to chase him. What will it be like when he is walking?  

I hope you are having a good weekend. 

My evening has been full :) running at the gym, playing the game speed with Darren, and now being his teammate for a madden tournament. Yeah the last one is out of pure love for him. ;) 

He is teaching in the midst of my discontentment.

Tired eyes scroll down a long list of real estate postings.  "There has to be something for us".  Sticker shock begins to settle in but we try to adjust our high hopes to fit into any home in our budget. I can see them shaking their heads in disapproval.  I can even understand when they say, 'What will you do when the military moves you?', 'It's a big financial commitment', 'That's probably not the wisest decision'.  

We look at each other after spotting a dream home and both get giddy with excitement.  A Yard!? A garage!? How many rooms? whoa!.  We smile and talk about what it would be like to have a home.  My husband is confident and determined.  I admire his profile while he talks.  Are we really dreaming of our future together again? I smile as I remember a previous conversation the other day. We sat quietly in the car, 'We've only been married three years and all of these things have happened, we still hopefully have like 47!, cool'. He doesn't talk much which drives me out of my sweet loving mind! Returning to the search I tell him it would be so nice to own a home. 

But we're living on one income that down on paper doesn't look like much.  I know in my heart we can't buy a home.  I know God isn't leading us in that direction today.  

Eyes shut tight, head drops to my hands slowly. "Lord, i want a place on a wall to mark my children's growth.  I want to be in the same place for more then two years.  I want my own home.  To paint, remodel, and make it our own.  I want room for people to gather and grow."  

I still dream...

I reach for that small bible that has become like a good friend.  Hands extend quickly when spotted.  Flipping through the noisy pages I find his words.

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress my God, in whom I trust." (psalm 91:1-2 emphasis mine)

Leaning back I am nothing but thankful for the reminder that He is my home.  He has heard my words and cares.  I browse around my home now and am reminded he lead us here a year ago.  That it's actually a beautiful place to call home.

She adores.

~*~

He's looking out the window, banging on it in excitement. He smiles. My heart is grateful.  I fill his silence with silly noises that make him giggle.  Our days written out don't look like much accomplished, but we're happily growing together.  Mother tales can seem boring to the reader but spend an afternoon with an adoring child and you'll want to tell everyone what they did that made your day.  Watching a child discover the world is a gift from above.  I love treating him like royalty each day we've had together.  

She runs.

~*~

Setting goals and seeing progress is amazing.  It's a reminder that hard work pays off and to keep going! My legs are growing stronger through what seems to be endless minutes of running, but it feels great!

She learns.

~*~

To never be proud.  Aren't we all one step away from falling into sin? But here's what I've decided.  When things are a mess, Let it be, surrender your rights to God, then commit every moment to following Him.  Dust off that old book and discover Him again.  Be in awe by the simple things like how he thinks your worth being kept. (Isaiah 41:9-10)

She's forgiven.

~*~

Kneeling down before God when necessary is freeing.  Accepting His forgiveness and fleeing from anything that's causing sin can actually be hard though.  Selfishness is deeply rooted in me and it'll take time to dig out those roots and allow them to be replaced with beautiful things only God gives.

She gives thanks.

~*~

For my husband, my son, my home, family, friends, fall, health, freedom, 22 years, for this blog, and for His grace that extends daily.

She prays

~*~

In knew ways. Without ceasing and it continues on into the late hours of the night like two old friends catching up. (1 Thessalonians 5:17) She lifts up hurting friends to Him, asks for guidance and help to overcome what appears to be mountains.  Gives praise and thanks more then ever before.

She worships

~*~

Eyes closed, sitting down, she lifts her hand symbolizing surrender to her King.  A song plays, 'Sovereign king, reign in me' and she sings to him hoping it will be a sweet sound in his ears.

She writes

~*~

To encourage

"The enemy pursues me, 

he crushes me to the ground;

he makes me dwell in darkness

like those long dead.

So my spirit grows faint within me;

my heart within me is dismayed."

Psalm 143:3-4

"Yet I am always with you;

you hold me by my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will take me into glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you? 

And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

My flesh and heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and portion forever."

Psalm 73:23-26

I had one of those days where my heart was open and raw for all to see.  I've never treasured this book more before this day.  I recently said there is no manual to help you steer through the uncertain and often painful parts of Marriage and I was wrong.  This book is filled with encouragement. After a rough couple days I was encouraged to spend time in God's word through bible study, listening to sermons, and talking.  I sat down tonight and went to insight.org and listened to Charles swindols latest series.  This is how I know God works..It was on the Book of Hosea.  I didn't realize that's where i'd end up but I realized how important faithfulness in marriage is. Of course you're thinking, but look around how many marriages are crumbling.  I was challenged to remember my vows.  What did I even agree to on that day anyways?  It was such a blur of excitement and I missed the key to that day as I promised to love and to cherish this man until the day I die, no matter what.  These vows I said were loaded and I didn't realize how hard it was going to get with the man standing in front of me.
It is embarrassing and the most painful thing to call up a close one and say, 'Things aren't going well'.  I have been so tired of satan in our homes destroying them, one family after the next. What happened to being faithful?  Well tonight I was given a visual of a prophet named Hosea who was an incredible example of God's faithfulness to his people.  Hosea took a woman from a culture of harlots and married her along with having three children.  She left him though and went into a life of prostitution.  She just left him and her children..how can you do that? Where did her conscience go? But God commanded Hosea to buy her back and love her.  As mr. swindol says, 'God commands him to love her, he is a model of God's infinite love for a nation who despised him.'  Hosea modeled the message of God's faithfulness.  That is what God expects of those married.
What about when my needs aren't being met Lord?
You remain faithful. pray, seek the counsel of others, get down on your knees and lift your spouse to God.  cling to scripture and have faith God will work things out.  Don't be proud and try to handle it on your own.  Satan is on a mission to destroy our homes and it's important to guard our hearts against the things of this world.
Sometimes i'm sick because of my own selfishness.  We talk ourselves into a place we never should be.  That is what happened to Eve in the garden.  All satan did was place a thought..and she did the rest.

I once sat across the table with a good friend and we laughed about a few dating books that did us no favors. It was a real eye opener to how much I expect from my husband.  And let me tell you that some of these expectations were down right impossible for him to ever reach.  We humans fail each other.  Marriages aren't excused from that statement.  We fail each other.  And in my marriage there has not always been room for grace.  What about yours? It's hard.  And anyone who makes their marriage look picture perfect is fooling you.  I can tell you people that have been married for 25 years have stories to tell you about how hard it has been.  True intimacy, friendship, and love takes God and time in a marriage.  And some of us aren't willing to wait and fight through the moments that seem unbearable.  But do..because I look at my parents and see something rare and beautiful.  Two people that are walking through life together, best friends.  I see my grandparents who have experienced life together with children, grandchildren, testing of their faith, death, and they're a picture of grace. They aren't just roommates, they LOVE each other.  I'm not sugar coating this..it's what I was raised around and it's been a blessing.
I don't want to make my marriage out to be something awful but I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you how hard it is.  We are going through tough times and need people to come alongside of us because satan is coming way too close for comfort.  Last night I looked at my husband and said, 'I want God to use our marriage one day as a testimony of His grace and love.'  I meant that with all my heart.  So tonight i'm praying to love my husband in a deeper way that comes only from God.

I think we are going to have to make tough choices coming up in these next weeks and i'd rather stay with the familiar because I hate change but we need to follow God's best for us.
A year ago life was simpler and I was walking through life at the tallest mountains.  Right now i'm walking through valleys but am grateful to God for walking me through with the help of family and close friends.  This is part of life i'm afraid to say, but lessons are being learned and I need this.

On a lighter note..:) I have a cold! The kind that progresses through the day and knocks you out in the evenings.  I've dug out the Kleenex and tea which are comforting to this very congested girl! So it's time to go lay down and get some rest.  Darren is out with the guys from church and his choice food to bring was mcdonalds french fries :).

Talk to you again real soon! Thank you for sticking with me.  I know this wasn't the most cheerful post!
love,
Laura