He's almost 6 months now and continues to charm his way into my heart day after day. Even though my heart is full of love for him no matter what.  This evening he sat on my lap while we learned about Hannah and how she had a little boy named Samuel and gave Him to God. I kissed his cheeks and told him that I had also given Him to God and prayed one day he would love God.  My baby reached for his story bible to gnaw away at the pages but as I whispered a prayer to the Lord He looked up at me and smiled. 

I can't help but praise my savior for this tiny gift.  I have the most incredible job in the world.

~*~

I can't wait to see you slip on your rain boots and jump in the puddles or go on adventures with a cardboard sword.  You are blessed.

~*~

I'm enjoying a quiet day.  In fact me, myself, and I went on a date! To the movies :).  I asked Darren if it would be okay if I slipped out for the evening and said, 'Go for it!'. We all need a break from reality from time to time.  Then I came home and sat on the deck just in time to watch a beautiful sunset while enjoying time with my heavenly father.  

  I hope you're enjoying this day!  

I wasn't actually going to write today but I am filled with endless thoughts that need sorting! I feel that whenever I write things in my life are put into perspective and I see what God is doing as I read back through my blog.  It's always neat to step back and say 'oh hey that's what you're getting at with me!'. So today i'm writing for some serious selfish purposes, sorry!

Now lets get to talking about this picture.  Let me build this up for you..imagine with me a small child absolutely thrilled as their ice cream cone is being prepared and they're standing on their tippy toes to catch a glimpse of their treat.  Their grin is HUGE and finally the ice cream cone is in their hands and as they start skipping along it slips and drops onto the ground.  Now picture that small child tear filled eyes staring down at their sweet treat mushed on the ground! How disappointing right?!  

Today that small child was me at a kickoff party for my new business. I can't tell you how beyond thrilled I had been to start this venture. I put a lot of time and energy into getting things going and looked forward to my party today.  Last night I was practicing the math side because I've been sick to my stomach about doing math! I prayed about it all week actually! Well today was a lot of fun with friends but I didn't have any luck selling anything.  I can't tell you what that feels like except to refer back to the ice cream story.  But here's the wonderful part..God is teaching me a few things today that I'm thankful for!  I won't go into detail about everything but lets at least laugh about the fact that I didn't end up having to do any math :).  

After everyone left I was able to talk with my family which was just what I needed. I can't tell you how great it was to be encouraged by each one of them.  I needed that because I was feeling like quite the failure! I'm thankful for the way God quickly showed up and surrounded me with love. It turns out that a few of my family members actually ended up buying something! Which made me feel really really good. 

I wasn't actually going to write about this stuff because I didn't want to be a downer but I thought wow, i'm sure you probably have or will face disappointment in different situations and I wanted to encourage you. It is easy to let your emotions spin out of control but I love the ability to control what attitude I have.  God is going to bless me so much more if I remain positive.  It doesn't ease the pain of disappointment at that moment but it does give you the chance to dismiss those thoughts that aren't so wonderful.  

I'm not really sure what will happen with this business but i'm thankful that I gave it a shot! I was able to gather with a group of friends today that I really enjoy seeing. 

On another positive note at least my home is super clean! :)

Moving on..

We went to Jamestown yesterday which was such a neat experience.  I love learning about   our history and how america came to be so it was neat to explore. Garrett was really well behaved which made walking around enjoyable for everyone.

I have really been soaking him up lately.  He is a wonderful little baby who has the sweetest smiles.  

Alright well I need to get to bed! 

(Not my photo but I wish I knew who took it)

Sometimes I need my breath taken away! Isn't that a beautiful view?  I don't understand exactly why God made things look good but I like to believe it stems from his love for us.  When I see his handiwork I remember Him and how much he loves me and it softens the hard places in my heart.  It's been brought to my attention today how patient God is with me.  Every now and then when i'm tired of fighting i'll give in and roll with it. Do you know what I mean? You let sin have it's way in your heart because fighting seems too hard and you're tired of having to answer to God for your lack of obedience.  I think i'm more quick to look at how God is going to be upset with me rather than accept His grace and mercy.  I often have a picture in my mind of Christ defending the poor in spirit but for some reason I don't put myself there even though that's where I belong.  He loves me though and even when I have a critical spirit about everything finds a way to take out that worst in me and still lift me up as blameless.  He is a good God and loves in ways I can't comprehend.

I am not a perfect christian, who is? Sometimes God makes me mad.  I don't like answering to him for all that I do. I don't like having to not do what feels natural to me.  I don't like giving myself so He can have full reign in my life.  It doesn't feel good going through a process of him refining me and putting me through the fire but the results are incredible always.  I just seem to forget that in the tough moments.  Lets take marriage for example.  Ohh that man that I love also has a way of bringing out the absolute worst in me! Sometimes I can't stand it and want to leave.  I don't want to believe i'm capable of those horrible words or actions.  But they're in me and need to be dealt with so God uses my husband time and time again to correct the wrong in me and make me holier and pure.  It hurts but seeing it this way helps a lot!  

Lately I have been particularly upset with God because I don't understand what is missing.  I still feel like something is missing and it is driving me crazy.  I told him, 'how can this be?! I read my bible everyday, pray, go to church, am making friends, but I feel lonely and lost!?'.  I didn't get an answer for weeks.  I thought how can I honestly tell people God is good when I feel this way? 

And then he spoke..so simply 

"Part of serving me is spending yourself on others.  There is a need in you to help others and right now you're not."

It's been about me for as long as I can remember. Even in my walk with God it is centered around me. (there should be a balance) I love thinking about myself.  In my marriage I argue about how Darren does not do this for me or that and how it is ruining our relationship. Being a mom I now think how It isn't about me at all, in my relationships I feel hurt when it isn't about me. (oh how I hate admitting to this to you!) I start to think critical in all areas of my life and sooner or later am basking in myself and thinking well i need to make changes and cut people/things out so I can feel better. My eyes have been on me, just me...for I don't even know how long.  It's human nature to think of self before others so at least I can explain it. I have to tell you that when I heard those words from God I gasped because that's what's been missing! God needs me to do for him too and give give give!  I have a purpose in Christ and that's what i've always desired. I love the way God will be glorified through the seeds I sow and the people I invest in.  I love that he will come through and pull in the harvest one day himself walking behind me gathering.  This image brings joy to my heart.  He desires that I serve him through serving others.  I don't know what that looks like right now but i'd imagine it's small things you can do for others that they need and that God will reveal those needs. 

Dying to myself will never be easy and it's a lifelong battle but a daily choice I intend to work at. I wanted to share this because I think this may be something you might struggle with as well.  It's probably easier to arrange the people in your life that only bring out the best.  Don't kick people out just because they're hard to deal with.  It may in fact be that God placed them in your life to deal with the not so good in you.  Don't end a  marriage because you're unhappy, don't end a friendship because they're distant, don't walk away from a church because it's structure isn't perfect, stop thinking of yourself and start thinking about what you can give in your marriage, in your friendships, to this church.  Right now it may be easier to walk away but I can promise that God will bless you so much more in sticking it out and loving.  He has promised to give us strength...so I hope you along with me will take this lesson to heart from God. 

I've missed you friend! Love to hear from you..

I can't move! Every bone in my body is sore from playing softball last night! I was invited to come out and play and with great enthusiasm I took the field and had a blast. :) It brought back really great memories and as I stood in left field I caught wind of one of my favorite scents..GRASS.  It took me back to the days I ran hard on a soccer field and played hard. Those were such great memories! 

My son has been blessing me so much! He is an incredible baby.  I love being able to go out all day like today and him not be upset about a change in our day.  Having a flexible baby has been a relief.  We went to Yorktown today and visited the different places that are so important to our freedom today..I have a new appreciation for the French who helped us become independent! Darren's brother Dave took us around and gave us a wonderful history lesson.  We ate at a yummy pub down in Yorktown to seal the day. :) I love history which made today really fun.  We even took time to stop and read the signs!
~~~~~


I am officially a consultant for a company named 'Purse Party Inc'.  :) What a huge step for a girl that would rather be home! 
For a few weeks now I have been praying hard about a few things related to this.  I did a lot of research and talking it over with my husband. 
I have been clinging to God this past week as I stepped out and signed up! I wanted to do this for the sole purpose of meeting new woman.  God has poured into my life knowledge of how to spend eternity with Him.  How wrong is it to harbor that and not share his love with others?  I LOVE my role as a wife and a mother and right now there is a good balance between those roles.  However it has been heavy on my heart that I am not a part of much outside of this home.  So I prayed..and prayed. 
First off, i am not a grand saleswoman..not at all! In fact i'm pretty pitiful if we're being honest. But I love the idea of gathering with a group of woman while they shop over purses and develop friendships.  I think this is going to be such a wonderful experience if I allow my attitude to remain positive. 


I love how God made a way for me to be right with Him.  I love that because of Christ I can come tonight before Him and pour out this heart.  I love that I can come right up to him and tell him how much I appreciate this or that.  How much I love the beautiful things He created.  Or tell him i'm sorry that I was disobedient.  I love that he cares enough to discipline me when I am being bitter or negative towards something or something..that he loves me enough to do that is incredible.  I love that He wants to be in my heart and makes it his..that is very cool to me! It's not a sunday morning experience with Him..but each day he shows up and I have the privilege to walk with him and be in a relationship with my king.  I might fail but I am so thankful that he is at that finish line cheering me on..that he is pouring love into my life daily.  I hope you know him too.

Well it is late and I have to get up early :)..I don't think I can get up from this chair though..bummer. Have a great night!

he melts my heart! So sweet..

We spent the afternoon in Duck, North Carolina yesterday and I was in HEAVEN. I soaked up every second of our time there and was truly blown away by God's handiwork. I have wanted to see North Carolina for some time now and it was really neat to finally make a drive down there.  As we neared this quaint and cozy town my heart began to fill! People were riding bikes, every building was CUTE, and the oceanside was these people's backyard! I told Darren I was sinning for sure while I coveted everyone who owned a home there.  It was just me..the styles of the homes, the small town, BEACH, smell of sunblock, I really was happy.  We met some wonderful people who let us stay for a rib dinner and I was able to look out at the view from their living room/kitchen while the sun set across the ocean.  I was dying to grab a book and sit outside in one of their many comfy chairs. Darren had to drag me away but I felt very full.  We spent most of the afternoon on the beach and I picked up a few seashells while the waves swept around my feet.  Can you picture this day with me?? I loved the sort of peace that came over me..and I was able to praise God for the beauty.  He didn't have to arrange our world in breathtaking views but He did and it reveals his glory all the more! I needed a short trip to the sunny shores of North Carolina to be reminded how God loves me. God fills us up in ways no person or thing is able to..if you allow Him.

I am not a picky person, in fact I think that's what makes me a good fit for being a navy wife. You can move me anywhere and after awhile i'll make a home and meet some pretty sweet people but there was something about being in North Carolina that made my heart swell and I ached to stay there for the rest of my life.  I love that God has allowed me to see the beauty all over though. Honestly you could plop me in front of a cornfield and as the sun sets over that field i'm in heaven as well! I envy those that live in the mountains in colorado..they just shout of God's glory.  There is beauty across the world and I know this didn't come to be on it's own. I love being the daughter of the one that created this all..he did so good!

This week tuesday marks our three year wedding anniversary and I am really excited to celebrate with Darren! We had a wonderful trip yesterday and last night as we were driving home we were reminiscing over the past three years and it was neat.  I'm looking forward to writing a post about my man in the next few days so i'll save all my words about him for then! But man do I truly love Him.

I have been looking forward to sunday morning all week. I LOVE our church family deeply and have come to really enjoy our time there.  These people make me beyond happy as we spend more time together. We meet in a middle school, it is not glamorous  by any means.  But it has my heart because of that simplicity..our pastor speaks each week with an honest heart... and do you know how neat it is to know you're family is cared for? We meet for sunday school with a group of other young married couples all at different places in their walk with God and they have each encouraged me in some way.  I like opening our bibles and digging through God's word together.  I like hanging out with them during the week and experiencing life together.  It's a small community of believers but they are making a big impact on my life right now.  Sometimes simplicity is such a nice thing.  I love meeting God on sunday mornings. :)

Garrett is wonderful.  He has been the happiest baby on the block.  I am always told by people that spend a few hours around us how relaxed he is and such a good baby.  I love hearing that because it reminds me how blessed we are with him! He hardly gets fussy and makes going out very easy.  He'll go to other people just fine and I know that makes them feel good to have their baby fix.  Yesterday he passed out on this woman and she soaked him in! I loved that she was able to have that time with him because it seemed to make her very happy. 

Tonight Garrett and I went to a surprise party at a restaurant and he sat in his stroller content for two and half hours while I ate and chatted with friends.  He took a rest and then woke up happy as can be.  He played with his toys and stayed happy all night.  Garrett is a baby full of smiles which blesses me so much.  I know each mom brags on their baby and I am right there with them! I don't know if he will become a crazy child but being his mother is incredible.  I love that he will over the years learn about Jesus and I thank God that He will be loved so deeply by his family and our friends. 

Garrett has his moments when he is beside himself upset but I can handle them well.  Do you ever feel like you're doing something right? I know that as God walks me through motherhood it will be much more of a blessing.

The other night we were getting ready for bed and I began telling Darren how I was blessed and have never faced any sort of big tragedy in my life. I don't know anyone personally (except my great grandmother) that passed away, all my life i've been provided for, i've never been abused, I come from a loving family that also loves God.  I now have married into a family that I love dearly and who treat me as their own.  How come?  Why did God allow me to be this blessed..and I asked darren if I would still love God and think he was good if something happened that rocked my world and He said, 'Laura you would still love God'.  I know that's true tonight..because He is good.  I know that if I lost someone dear to me or tragedy fell on us that God would provide as always.  I know that pain would definitely come but God has filled my life with people that would surround me and walk me through.  I don't know why God blessed me with this life but i'm thankful to Him for loving me deeply. 

Well it's getting so late and I need to get to bed, thanks for letting me share :). Have a great rest of the weekend!

Laura

I'm not sure whose crazy idea it was to not drink soda for an entire month but she is CRAZY..and there should have been some kind of warning.  For example: **Be cautious when cutting coca cola out of your diet for a month..headaches almost everyday**. yeah..something like that. :) Well I'm committed already so not too much longer.  But let me tell you friends, when I am able to have a coke again, it will be a glorious day!

My tiny baby is not so tiny anymore. He is 16.6 pounds!  But you know what he is one perfect and healthy baby according to the doctor so i'm happy about that. He was one tough cookie during his shots. It was hard to see his face turn cherry red and then hear him let it out. Thankfully at this age they will settle down pretty quick afterwards! He is making me very happy though.  I was looking at him today admiring what God entrusted to us...I am thankful that God wants me to teach this little one about Him.  A teacher..what a wonderful role.

Tonight I went to bible study with no expectations of anything huge happening except a nice evening with my friends, learning something new from God's word. 

What I never expected was to have God smash down my neat walls that protect the dearest part of me.  For the past two days I have in several ways heard that without love the truth you share is pretty pointless if not spoken in love. I may have a lot of good advice that I have learned from the Bible but if I were to ever share that without love it won't be for any good. Does that make sense? I have been missing love and I didn't know why.

  

What caused me to build walls? Rejection. 

Recently a few things have cause me to nearly be crippled in spirit caused by rejections. let me go into detail.

Rejection by this World I live in:

What does our American culture tell me? You don't make money, therefore you are not successful.  You don't have a degree, therefore you're not smart. You're a stay at home mother and that doesn't qualify you for anything but changing diapers and feeding my child.

Do you understand how badly this hurts? It goes against everything in which Christ is telling me but I believe that I don't count, that i'm useless.  It's in my human nature to believe the negative that i'm nothing rather than I'm chosen by God.

Rejection by people:

I won't go into detail to much here but I have been rejected by one of the people that I loved THE MOST. I can't tell you how awful it feels.  To try to love and be shut out constantly and after awhile I begin to believe that I am useless or not important.  So I stopped loving..and I mean I stopped caring for others because I didn't want risk hurting that deep again. 

What life looks like when you live rejected~

My house became a mess. Why bother? What is the point, it doesn't matter right? My heart became hard towards people and I didn't really want to get close to anyone.  I will love only a little and be safe. But where there is that empty place I allowed other bad stuff to come stay.

I didn't know this until tonight. 

Acceptance by God:

I feel like God walked into that room tonight, sat down and talked direct with me laying it all out on the table in an honest way asking if I wanted to be free? He said I was going to run the risk of rejection in relationships but that I need to understand his sovereignty in my life. He taught me about loving in a hard way that only He can give through me.  The kind of love talked about in 1 Corinthians 13..a love that requires a choice on my part..not based on how I'm feeling. I wanted to sob because He was asking me to let my heart be exposed to others.  To love again..in a deeper way that the people He brings into my life need. 

He tells me that I am His, that I don't need a degree to do the His will or share His love. That being a mother is an extroadinary job with deep importance to Him.  That to keep my home neat, have good meals can be done to bring glory to God. I will always want the very best for when God is in our home and I want others to be welcomed and comfortable. 
He will provide for our needs and my identity is found in Christ.  I am his child which is the greatest privilege i'll ever know.  People do not reject me always, sometimes they reject Christ in me..and that is for God to handle, not me. What a comforting and freeing thought!

And to the one that rejects me still...I can love again because this love God teaches me about doesn't keep a record of wrongs...and it forgives, it's kind, and it doesn't fail.

I will face rejection, but God chose me.

What a beautiful night full of God's love.

I don't know who this is reading right now, but I care about you in a way I never did before. Thank you for walking this journey with me.

Laura

Marriage has been heavy on my heart friends and I think it's time to share...I pray you wouldn't judge me but simply love me for who I am now.

'Ephesians 4:26-27 (NIV)
26 “In your anger do not sin”[a]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.

In the last 6 months I have witnessed 3 friends go through a divorce and few more quickly headed in that direction.  I lost count of the number of friend's marriages that are struggling..but i'm broken hearted over it. 

I'm going to cry during this post because this is my heart..all set out and raw for you.

I grew up in a blessed household with two parents that love each other deeply.  They are each other's best friend and I was witness to that for that last 22 years.  That's how I saw marriage the way God intended and although they had and have moments they drive each other nuts they followed true to the verse in Ephesians. You don't go to bed upset with each other and fights are resolved.
My father in loving my mother the way Christ loved us showed me how a christ-centered marriage was to look like.  My mother is a strong woman she dealt with the early years where my dad had said he was selfish.  Divorce could have seemed like a better option at the time for her I suppose but do you know how crazy about my dad she is now after all these years?? She loves that guy! And she doesn't even have to say it..you can SEE it when they're around each other.  They have a love and respect for each other that others can see and it affected their children greatly. 

I was sheltered from a world that divorce is now as easy as buying an ice cream cone. You drop yours (marriage) and you can easily go back for another (marriage).  Bad comparison? ha well you get the point...we're not serious about the commitments we're making and satan is having his way with us. 
Maybe we're not willing to put in the work and effort it takes to have a marriage God intended for us?  I expected marriage bliss to simply happen and stick over the course of the years Darren and I'd spend together.  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine i'd be sitting on a couch not even a year after we'd been married talking about divorce with Darren and a pastor.  No, that wasn't in my wildest dreams because when I was 15 years old laying under the stars praying for my future husband I imagined pure bliss and that it would be just as the stories said it would...

I would find a handsome man who would love and care for me..he'd spend nights on the beach talking about our God and deeper matters of the heart.  We'd enjoy dinner at the table and go out for ice cream gazing into one another's eyes finding laughter in the small things of life.  He'd go off to work during the day and i'd find my work with the household chores and then as the mother of his children.  It goes on...but I think you see where my dreams where.  They were far off from the reality to come.

When I was 19 years old and very much in love I walked down the isle and had love in my eyes for Darren.  We'd met online just 17 months earlier and although it was a strange way to meet we were perfect for each other.  He thought that whatever job he would have would be far away after he graduated college so he wanted to marry me and take his bride along with him.  Just about 7 months before our wedding there in the mountains of beautiful Arizona we were engaged and I couldn't wait! This was a dream come true...

No one prepares you for marriage, or lets you know, 'Hey this is going to take some work, it's going to be hard'.  And as a 19 year old girl I don't know if I would have even understood. But life happened too quickly for us...within the first few months of our marriage my husband lost his job and I was working as a bank teller.  I went to work from 9-5 and dealt with the public..the good and the very worst.  I was bitter because this wasn't adding up to the expectations i'd had as a young girl.  The laundry, dishes, bills, and problems piled up and we were in over our heads.  How do you tell someone that you're marriage is failing in the first few months?  I cried a lot and darren didn't feel good enough for the work world.  We both felt like we were failing.  We tried to get along but with life piling up against you there seems to be no chance of pushing through.  We didn't have a home church or close friends on top of that.  I was lonely..completely lonely.  I started blaming my husband for the way I felt and sin crept into our marriage like the way it did for Adam and Eve that very first marriage...
We hurt each other bad with our actions and words. Who knew the power we held to break the other down completely?  I was angry with the Lord..my Lord. How could he let this happen? How?
Things only became worse. I started to think about divorce and my rights.  'I didn't deserve to be treated this way', 'I deserve to be happy'. So I began to figure out how to provide for myself and when I went to my father to tell him I was leaving Darren he said no.  I cried and tried to reason at first but He was the angel sent to guard the door by my God.  He made what was i'm sure one of the hardest decisions of his life..he stepped in and brought me home for a few weeks to let darren and I cool off.  We needed counseling, direction, and mostly love.  We started going to counseling and talking through what were the most painful conversations for both of us.  We were facing our sins head on and it hurt but God was reaching in with his hands and breaking us apart to build us back up.
Darren was going to be leaving for basic training and we came back together as things settled down.  I didn't feel hurt or sadness for his coming departure.  I didn't know how to feel towards him or God at the time.  I was hurting and Darren was hurting.  But we were going to make this work.
He left and I was indifferent.  It took two weeks for it to sink in that my husband was gone. It was when I was staying a night at my in laws and that night I cried.  I cried harder than I'd ever in my life.  I cried for my marriage, for my husband being gone, and for all the wrong i'd done to that man.  I prayed that if God would have us that he'd mend our marriage and do a miracle.  I was a broken sobbing mess but one with hope after that night.
Darren began pouring in letters with quite some length on them! I was falling in love with my husband. He wrote powerful things that began to gain my respect and God began working in our hearts. Not everything was fixed but there was signs of light shining through.

The return-
I'd lost a lot of weight while darren was gone and it was just in time for his return.  We headed up to his basic training graduation and I had never been so excited to see my husband.  He was the most handsome man standing there and when we embraced it was the sweetest moment. I held a sailor..a sailor that was mine, all mine.  We'd been through 2 months of training separate but together we were changing.

Maryland-
The navy had a way of bringing us together and then bringing us apart again.  I thought we were good to go now and that all was going to be right.  But Darren in his A-school in maryland didn't have a whole lot of time for me.  We would invite friends over and I was getting more attention from his friends than him.  It was hard to deal with and our home became somewhat of a party home.  I never would have dreamed we'd be serving alcohol in my home.  But that seems to be the way in the Navy..they weren't kidding about the whole 'drunk'n sailors' part.  Things dwindled down and apart again.  We didn't attend a church and didn't have close friends.  Our families weren't too close and no one was holding us accountable.  Sin crept in again and we did things to hurt each other badly. We were back were we started.

Meeting God on a dirt road~
I had a lot building up inside of me.  I didn't have anyone to tell either.  I couldn't dream of calling family and telling them of our mess and we didn't have a pastor to lead us back.  I hadn't prayed in months in fact.  So I went for a walk and before I knew it I began to talk to God.  It was a walk that transformed my heart actually.  I knew that it was time to be honest with Darren and confess different sins that would either lead him to walk away from me or stay.  If we were going to have a marriage that honored God we needed to start fresh and that meant being totally honest.  (I never had an affair if you're getting at that in your mind, thank the Lord! and Darren was never unfaithful either, that is such a mess to deal with in marriage!) Anyways it was march that all this happened and we agreed to work things out.  I gave up my rights in the same way that Christ gave up his rights when he died on the cross for us.  I knew that if this marriage was going to last we needed to have a solid foundation to build it on, Christ. 

Starting fresh with the same one-
A lot of people at this point would have walked away but Darren and I are stubborn and God used that stubbornness for good.  We loved each other and our relationship began to turn into something I never would have dreamed.  We went out together and played catch, basketball, we watched movies together, we went to a few baseball games even. In about 3 months time we became best friends again. I adored him!  I began to relearn him and gain new knowledge of Darren that led me to love him even deeper.  It took a few hard years but we had finally gained a better understanding of how marriage was suppose to work and some ways to make it stick.  Not perfect but definitely the way God had in mind.

A braves game and a new direction~
It was last may that Darren and I went to a baseball game.  We were having an incredible time together and I couldn't imagine life being any better.  We were on the ride home laughing about something when Darren told me he needed to sit down with me later that night.  Friends, to say I was nervous is such an understatement..i was terrified because my husband doesn't have 'sit downs' he is not a talker!
So he sat me down and took my hands and told me he loved me very much and then said he wanted to start our family.  I have never been happier.  Who would have thought that next month we'd be pregnant! :)

Deployment~I was now mommy-to-be and in pure bliss.  Darren had found out he would be going on a long deployment and my heart broke.  I shed enough tears to fill a lake i'm sure of it! But I was trusting in God with all my heart that he would use this time to build our marriage.  He did!  He took that time and tended to my heart and darrens.  I moved back to indiana to stay with my family and was surrounded with a church family that loved me to no ends and I helped in our awana program loving a couple of the cutest girls! I went on a few trips to visit family who I grew to love even more.  I spent time in God's word again something I hadn't done for a long time.  God didn't have to but He went deep in my heart and removed the bad, forgave and filled those empty places with himself. 

Life since- The here and now

I love my husband more than I can write and it would be pretty lengthy to go into detail but trust me on this friends, He is the love of my life!  I thank God for the miracle he performed in my marriage and heart.  I don't have an easy story to tell but I have a marriage that is worth telling about because it took faith to accept God can do the unthinkable in any marriage. 

Here's the truth i've discovered, the man is still going to drive me crazy!
Tonight for example-we're on the phone bickering about who should have to go to the post office to send back movies, and how I've changed more diapers than him and need a break! He walks through the door and we have a sit down talking about getting some things in order so our marriage can be better and i'm sure God is thinking 'laura do you ever stop talking! Give the poor man a break!'  So he goes to sleep at 5 because he's dead tired after getting no sleep last night on duty and I let him...instead I go to cooking hamburger.  I'm in the kitchen pounding away at that meat when I realize 'shoot what was I even making!?'.  Thankfully there are so many choices for what you can make with hamburger :).  But I got to talking about God and confessing how wrong I was and how i'm sorry.  He forgave me and we had a nice evening but it made me think about my marriage as a whole and how thankful I am that the guy sleeping right now is in this home and committed to making this marriage work with me.  I know that he's going to get up and kiss me and tell me I worry to much but he loves me anyways. I love him.  And I am his wife/helpmate for the rest of my life.  He is worth all the grace I can give.
Friends, marriage isn't perfect because of that three letter word I loathe...sin.  We're going to fail each other and maybe even more often than we'd like to admit?  Don't leave.  Don't walk out that door throwing up your hand with the 'My Rights' card.  Because Jesus dying on the cross for our sin didn't throw that out to save us.  Marriage is worth fighting for and making personal sacrifices..
I'm not a marriage expert or counselor but I'm a firm believer in making marriage work.  Trust God will do a miracle and start putting your spouse first. 

~Laura~

Sweetheart,

You have my heart.  I will love and cherish you through all the good and bad years to come.  Thank you for loving me and seeing me through.  I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else.  You 'get' me and still love me for it! I'm one blessed woman.