Psalm 73:25-28 (New International Version)

25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.

26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.

27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.

28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.

My life went from soaking up the Arizona weather to being buried in paperwork and responsibility. I would like to go back a few months ago when life was sweet and simple. Just remembering it makes me envy my old self, if that even makes any sense! ha

Where do i even begin? My dad and I went to Virginia for a day to find a place for Darren and I...talk about stressful! When we had seen all the places, I was discouraged and confused to why all my months of research were leaving me with nothing. After finding out our plane had been delayed and we'd have to leave in the morning I was able to talk to my dad about the last apartments we had put a deposit on that i wasn't comfortable with. We decided to go back online or if need be to make another trip out. My dad is WONDERFUL! He was helpful through this process but did something for me that i didn't like but will thank him for later. He backed off and let me make decisions and learn. It was a great learning experience.

Here are a few things I learned:
1. If you aren't comfortable with a place, don't take it! There is a reason for the instincts, listen to them.
2. A home may look absolutely perfect on paper but that may not be the case!
3. If a spider greets you in the kitchen during a walk-through...walk away!!
4. When things don't turn out how you think they should, keep trusting God because He has a plan.
5. If I let fears and stress settle into my heart, there is no room for the joy God has to offer.
6. To find a home, renters insurance, set up our furniture to be moved, a new doctor, etc is all very overwhelming! But this experience has been filled with life lessons and soon I will become a professional and the next move will be a breeze! (I hope!)

It seems as though when I cross one thing off my list three other items are added. How does that happen? I call about renters insurance today and am told I should have car insurance in Virginia when we move here...I wanted to say no no no, please give me renters insurance and that's it. Now i need to figure out if in fact we do need to change our car insurance over. It's little things like this that have been happening in the last few weeks that make me surprised my hair is all still there because i haven't pulled all of it out yet!
I have come to appreciate military spouses that hold down the fort at home and handle business while their spouse is away. But I would like to know how you make it look so easy?

In the midst of all the phone calls and paperwork God has blessed me with good family and friends. I've been able to have a handful of good conversations with friends and have a home filled with endless support and love.
Our woman's bible study has been an encouragement and it's good for me to spend time in God's word studying it and sharing with other woman. I will miss this group of friends.
Also there is awana that is seriously a break in the week filled with laughter. There are four little girls that are at times bouncing off the walls and acting as crazy as little boys but they are the funniest. Last night we learned about praying and memorized the verse, 'lord teach us to pray'. Why do i not remember these simple verses day to day? They are treasures for our soul to dig into and I'm missing out! I think helping in awana has blessed me more than i thought it would.

My baby boy is packing quite a punch these days but I love it. Normally at night when i'm crawling into bed and about the time i'm ready to fall asleep He gets going. I love knowing he's in there and getting bigger and soon will be in my arms.
All things baby have been put on hold for the last two weeks as I've been taking care of business with our move but in the back of my mind I am thinking about him. What his name will be, how he will look, if he will be an easy going baby, all his new clothes that are piled next to my bed, and if he will see God's love in his mom? I don't care if he is not the most athletic, or the most artistic...I just want him to accept Christ as His savior and love him. A life without God is a life that's lost and for my son, I don't want that. I know the joy in Christ and I want him to know that as well. I am learning about parenting already and it's hit me the importance of how I live everyday in front of Him. How i respond, talk to others, treat Darren, etc. It won't always be easy and I'm not putting extremely high expectations on myself, no one is perfect and I'm going to be the best mom that I can.
I thought the other day about how when i sing He can hear me now and then I wondered what songs I'd rock him to sleep with. I can't wait to shower him with love and have him in my life! He is a blessing already.

The picture at the top is from this last week when Darren and I were able to skype! It was wonderful to talk with him and see his face. I miss him more and more but have come to really appreciate him. Although I've been taking care of most of our move, he has tried to be available as much as he can. I get the feeling it bothers him that he can't be here helping take care of all this with me. It won't be much longer now that we'll be together! I can't wait. :)
Did i mention that I did find a place for us to live! It is all settled now and I'm thankful we were able to do everything through email, phone, and mail. I'm looking forward to living in this place and calling it home.

Well I had better get going! I need to take care of a couple more things today but will write again soon. This Saturday is my first baby shower! I will have to post pictures and share with you after i get home. :) have a wonderful day!

Grady and Aunt Laura

Home sweet Home. :) My trip to Arizona was great! I loved spending time with family and getting a chance to see my niece Maeli and nephew Grady. My sister in law and I were also able to catch up quite a bit and I enjoyed getting to know her. Thanks you Dan and Sharon for inviting me to go with!

Melissa passed on a lot of baby boy clothes, a car seat, carrier, and other baby things! It was fun to sort through clothes and think about my baby wearing them.

Right after arriving back home my mom and I went for a 5 mile walk! It was awesome to share about my trip and hear about her week. When the time comes for me to move, it is going to be extremely hard. I love my family very much and knowing they won't be around to see my baby boy is heartbreaking.

Can i share with you one of my favorite things about being pregnant? Feeling this little guy moving around! He seems to be more awake when i'm ready to go to bed but I don't mind. I have never felt my stomach this much but i catch myself nudging, pushing, tapping to try and stir him. I still can't believe this is all happening and that in four month he will be here. I love him so much already. It's hard to explain but he is just really special to me. He is a reminder of his dad for me, that we're a family and how God is blessing us. I look at the ultra-sound pictures and can't believe how big he is now from when i first saw him as a peanut!

I feel like as we're nearing the end of this deployment i'm out of breath! I'm ready to cross the finish line and be in my husbands arms with tears pouring down my cheeks. I'm ready for that moment he walks off the ship and is home. It takes a lot of strength to walk this deployment in a way that honors God. There have been moments that i have not acted holy, but there are also moments that God has been able to shine His light through my life. It's been my prayer that he would not stop teaching or guiding me during these last few months. I remember kissing him goodbye at the airport and not truly understanding what was going on. But as we said our goodbye's a gentleman came up and thanked him and that's when i realized the larger picture, that sometimes you make sacrifices for other people...just as Christ did. That was when i was given a choice to either walk in God's light or to have pity on myself. I chose to seek God and he poured love into my heart and covered me. It won't be long now until He is home and we are setting up a crib, laughing with one another, watching movies, and driving each other crazy haha. But i'm confident that as Christ remains in our hearts he will bring so much joy into our marriage as He has been doing.

Have a wonderful Sunday night!

~Laura

It's a.....

Today i had my 20 week ultra-sound! We discovered this baby is for sure a little boy :). I can't explain how it feels when you learn more about your child. The smallest things for example, how much he moves around and wouldn't sit still for this woman to capture images...what a stinker! haha but it made me laugh and love him more. I was able to watch him for a good solid 20 minutes, moving around, hiding his face with his hands, sneaking into corners and not showing his face. ha it was wonderful to know my son is healthy! I didn't cry but i was smiling non-stop.

I'm a thinker and naturally when it comes to having a baby I now think things like...
will he be an athlete

will he like Winnie the pooh or Thomas the train or neither?

will he like to snuggle with us

will he like to play with trains, trucks, and all things that go

will he be obedient and love Darren and I

but mostly will he love God and know how much God has given to him? I hope so! /

It's never too early to start praying for your children.

I'm excited to see my husband with his baby boy. There are a few moments i've pictured. One is that i'll walk into a room and see Darren with his son and be able to capture a moment their having together, soaking each other up. I love these two guys so much already and i'm thankful that i'm at a place where loving is easy! Maybe because of how much God loves me?

Here are some pictures of myself and the baby at 20 weeks! We are halfway there :) but i'm truly soaking up this pregnancy and enjoying time with him. He has started to move around and i can feel it! It's the most incredible feeling.

My mom and i went on a roadtrip to Minnesota and Wisconsin last week and now this Thursday i'm heading to Arizona! I will post about both trips with pictures when i come back, and maybe i'll be able to get on a computer. Anyways while i'm gone for over a week in sunny Arizona i'm going to be soaking up the sun and enjoying the beauty! As well as having fun with Darren's family. My sister in law told me i can go shopping for boy things in her closet! haha

Well everything else has been going really well for me. I'm feeling great and enjoying life! God has been good even though i'm not always. He is constantly blessing me when i don't deserve it. I have learned new things from our woman's bible study in Ruth. It's a very convicting study which I need.

'Home hunting' has been interesting! There are moments i feel beyond stressed and then realize it's time to take a step back but I've been able to write down a good list of places so please pray that we'll be able to find something nice and affordable in a safe community.

Alright well I should get going! Enjoy the rest of your week :)

~Laura

It's been exactly one year since I became a navy wife!

I've learned a lot this year by letting God have His way in my heart. I understand the special role I play in Darren's job. I know that respect, patience, love, laughter, understanding, kindness, are the sorts of characteristics my husband needs me to show. It's never been easy to walk this road and I hate being separated but we are closer because of the military and how can that be a bad thing? There's always been comfort in knowing I'm his support. It's been important to me lately that I will always provide a safe haven away from work for Darren to come home to, and that he will be blessed because I'm his wife. God has blessed me with an incredible man who has become the best friend I've ever had. People say the military either breaks or makes a couple. Well God has used the military as a tool to rebuild a crippled marriage and i couldn't be more happy to say this made us the couple that serves the Lord. I understand each day more and more how to support Darren and love Him. I am amazed with the way this deployment has not been a time of being sad, but a time of joy and praise to God for all that He's doing in my heart. It comes down to the attitude you choose, because lets face it I'm not going to be able to change the circumstances I'm in. God is honored with my choice to be positive and use this time to grow closer to Him and learn how to better love Darren. I have not become independent or hard against Darren, He is still very much the leader and my heart is as tender as ever.

I'm excited as these last few months stare me in the face because God's blessed me so much already and I know there are treasures to discover yet before Darren returns home.

This day is special because it is a day filled with thoughts of how proud I am of what my husband has accomplished this past year. I could not be more proud to be his wife.

One year down, 19 more to go :) As much as I dread the thought of facing more deployments and time apart from Darren I trust God's hand will guide us through and provide strength overcome obstacles in the future.

Laura

"Joy is not gush; joy is not mere jolliness. Joy is perfect acquiescence, acceptance, and rest in God's will, whatever comes." Amy Carmichael

18 weeks! Wow time is really moving quickly:) I'm not complaining!

Today my sister and I had a nice talk and she reminded me to enjoy this time because pregnancy flies by and i'll miss it! I love chatting with her and being her little sister. Melissa and I didn't get along great growing up but she is one of my best friends and knows everything about me and still loves me! She's seen me at my very worst and very best and still talks to me, i'm lucky! It's a blessing to have two sisters that i can go to and feel safe and who always refresh me!

I miss my husband so much lately. Last night i had a wonderful dream that he was home and we were eating chicken wings that HE brought home and we were talking and laughing and catching up, it was so much fun. (i was craving chicken wings before bed ha) When i woke up and realized that Darren was across the ocean still, i could have cried! But I'm filled with a lot of hope since this deployment began. I have been able to spend a lot of time growing and learning and i wouldn't trade that! God had a better plan and has used this time apart from my husband to rebuild and strengthen me. He doesn't allow me to have pity on the situation i find myself in. He has placed so much love into my heart and shows me too much to be thankful for that there is not much room left to feel sorry for myself! This is a blessing :)

I want to share with you how God has worked through a gift given to me last week. It opened my heart to things i wasn't expecting.
This past week my sister in law Ej sent a halfway box, since it's now over halfway through this deployment, yay! She was thoughtful with each gift in there and proved how well she knew me! I couldn't believe how much she'd done for me. There was even a note and picture in there from Darren. It was fun to dig through the box and marvel over each thing and think, she is the best! Then after i'd set it aside i thought well what can i do for her? I need to repay her somehow. Don't lose that thought it's key for later!
Then i was presented another gift this past week that was a big financial gift from someone close to me. Immediately i could not think of accepting because it seemed to be too much. I talked to my dad afterwards about this and he told me i needed to accept it and i thought immediately how can i repay him for all this person has been doing?
Then i was laying in bed and feeling wide awake the other night. I couldn't stop thinking about Jesus and what He'd done for me. I started thinking how horrible I am at accepting gifts from people. It has nothing to do with not being grateful, but i feel very undeserving! Anyways it led me to think about how Jesus DIED, gave His life for me. This is something that i believe down to the very core of my being, no doubt in my mind. A man named Jesus took my place and was killed. As i was a sinner, Christ died for me. This gift is beyond anything i've ever been given. It entails eternal life with my God that i wouldn't have had if not for Jesus being perfect and being a savior to me. I'm always humbled by these thoughts but that night it hit me especially hard as i was faced with a question directly from my God. 'Laura, have you accepted this gift in your heart of my acceptance of you?'

Of course i have accepted that i thought! But then the next thought was, if i truly had accepted it, would i stop trying to earn my way into heaven? I realized there's nothing i can do to repay what Christ has done for me.
A prayer i prayed weeks ago was answered! I asked God what was i missing about our relationship...and he answered in a way i never expected. To accept the gift of grace and Mercy that comes with the cross, isn't easy because it's nothing that i've done but said yes to Christ. He loves me, regardless of the choices i've made.
I have and will fail, miserably! But God's measure of me is not by what i've done, but by what Christ has done for me. He covers me with the very blood that was shed for all of us. I've never been good at accepting gifts so this particular gift that someone died in my place is especially hard to swallow. But i'm loving how God is working in my heart and strengthening my faith.
I was given a few gifts this week that i'm now able to appreciate more and be excited about! I'm sure there will be opportunities down the road to show my appreciation for each of these people that have given to me...but for the time being i'm accepting!
Never thought i'd be learning how to accept gifts but that's where i find myself this past week :). How i perceive myself isn't always great but this was challenged this week. If i can understand more how God sees me, there will be much freedom in how i live my life. Pray for me as this is not an overnight change! I'm taking each step i can to let go of insecurities and move forward in God's grace.

Awana this past week was wonderful with the cubbies! There were four little girls that have found a special place in my heart already. This one in particular makes me laugh with everything that comes out of her mouth. To hold a smile the whole night because of one small child is amazing to me! She was really touching my heart with her questions and constant flow of 'whys'. 'Why you wanta hava babaayyy' 'You-a missa youra babaayy' Like i said, she was funny. I needed that laughter though! It was very refreshing and i'm looking forward to spending this next Wednesday with them singing songs, talking about girly things, hearing stories about Jesus, and hearing the verses they're memorizing.

Tomorrow is the second week of our ladies bible study and already it's been a blessing! I enjoyed getting to know a few ladies i've not talked to and this week am getting together with a new friend for coffee and other fun things we have yet to plan! We're going through the book of Ruth which is an incredible story, but that's for another time. It's good to dig apart God's word and learn from it though.

Alright well i am going to get back to my hot chocolate and book :) I hope you've been having a great weekend! I sure have church was awesome, the colts won, and tomorrow the packers play!.

~Laura

Today marks week 17! Where does the time go? Before I know it, we'll be sitting in the delivery room holding this little bundle of joy. I can't wait!

I had a great week! Wednesday night kicked off our awana club at church. The parents came and we had the kids register and then we had ice cream and a little petting zoo. It was a lot of fun to meet the little ones i'll be leading in cubbies and the other kids as well. I sat with a few girls who were in kindergarten and had a good laugh about our conversation about how big the banana was or about why i chose to paint a pink not purple flower on my pinkie nail. I love the minds of kids and they say the funniest things!

Today has been a really nice day. Church this morning was great and convicting and during worship it was such an intimate time between God and I. Then my friend Hillary and I went to lunch and had a great time! We talked for a long time and it was awesome to share a little bit about what God's been up to in our lives. Tomorrow night is our first woman's bible study and i'm looking forward to a night full friends and spending time in God's word.

I can't wait to be with my husband again :). He makes me really happy and i'm looking forward to seeing him again and spending time with him. Almost halfway!
Talk to you again soon!

Laura

Hey!

I'm so thankful for a place to come and share what's going on in my world and have friends and family that read. Thank you! I'm going to start with some fun stuff first. :)

My sister stayed for the weekend and brought my two week old nephew Logan. Saturday morning she let me hold him and we snuggled for a long time. Do you know how good it felt to hold that boy and think how God was going to bless me with a baby too! I didn't want to let him go and couldn't stop looking at him. I think it's funny that a little lump can fill your heart that much! Newborns don't do much you know, they sleep, eat, go to the bathroom, and cry. But I loved every second holding Logan. (He was perfect)

Sunday I watched the colts game and the packer game. The Colts game didn't go well at all, and the packer game wasn't looking any better. But thankfully the packers won :). I actually watched football all day, which is a first for me. Watching football is not on my top ten fun things to do for a day, but it's growing on me. I love having a few players that you can cheer for who are actually good men. It makes it easier to watch having a few fantasy teams too. ;)

Throughout each day in some way God reveals himself. It isn't always obvious, but He does make Himself known to me. My mind can easily wrap itself around things related to God, and the many things related to Him. It comes easily filling my day with thoughts of Him. However, there is huge a difference between thinking about God and following God. I have decided to follow Jesus. Do you know what that meant when i chose that? Well it looks like this: God crushing my stubborn will and molding me into a beautiful child of His. It's hard though, every day it means choosing to come under His instructions to love Him, and love others. It means picking up the Bible and digging it apart understanding it's message to me and how as a christian i should be living. It's hard! As i heard, we are either being molded by this world or by God. You choose.
We live in a world where each person seems to find a system of what 'truths' and 'laws' they will follow. Selfishly we arrange these morals and thoughts to fit our agenda and selfish desires. But following God means dropping what I believe is right or wrong and accepting through God's word (the bible)what is the ultimate law. I T I S H A R D. Did you get that? I read throughout the Bible of the men who with their lives said 'God, I am yours'. They were persecuted, they were killed! They were looked at like they were crazy. I haven't even begun to know the stories of these men and woman in the Bible, but that's where I'm at. Studying their lives has introduced me to what God is asking me to do. It is a sacrafice but when you truly understand what Christ gave, it becomes easier to surrender a life that He bought with His blood.

I am not afraid of losing my life, because through Christ i was given a new life. But following God with your whole heart means walking a road with very few. That is something I dread. Jesus is asking constantly to keep looking at Him, to continue to trust Him. I'm not disappointed in the choice to follow God.

When i am walking with God and He is molding me, it's a joyful experience when all the crushing and pressing is done. He has always been faithful to me. I've never read a word in the Bible that has caused me to turn away from God.

I am growing and learning and inside there is new pains and aches for people developing that are hard for me to deal with. It's a mix between love and wanting to care for people, and anger for people ignoring God and choosing to put God on the back burner. I'm upset for those people that don't believe in God, that are blinded or have hard hearts about God. But i am starting to love people deeply and ache for them to know God so they can walk freely, and not in the bondage of sin. Why do i want this? Because it's what God had given me when i least deserved it...when i had my back to Him sprinting in the other direction.

I'm about to enter a chapter in life that will change me. It already has! :) Being a mother full time and trying to balance a relationship with my husband. Dealing with the emotions that come along with pregnancy is not simple! There are some days i feel cut out for this calling (yes it's a calling to be a mother) and there are other days i ask God if He was sure about this? He is though, and He's here leading me. What makes a good mom? A mom that is selfless i believe. Who puts her children before her. I know this is what God asks of a mom. I'm not scared of not loving my children, i'm afraid of being selfish though. There will be times when as a mother i will get a break and believe me those times will be glorious! However, the demands that will soon be coming my way can either be answered with complaining and griping and spreading the word 'poor me!' OR these demands can be viewed through the eyes of God. My mom chose her children above herself all the time. She chose to say no to daycare and raise us herself from early in the morning to late at night. Do you know how blessed I am to have a mom that was always there for me? Seriously she was up for late night talks when i was a teenager, and knew when i needed to be corrected or when I needed a hug so i could sob. She knew her kids because she spent TIME with us. And you know what? She still had a life apart from us. She wasn't identified as only a mother. My mom is my role model especially when it comes to mothering. She raised her children to love Jesus and she hardly needed to say much because she lived a life in front of us that was full of Christ.

In whatever I do i am given the opportunity to serve God and bring Him glory. I'm going to have days or moments that I fail at this, however it's going to be my desire to choose to honor God as a mother. To not complain will be hard, but God rewards us for making good choices. I understand that to be a good mother means that i need Jesus in my life, because if i'm not full and complete, then how can i offer what my children need? I can't. The same goes for my marriage. Choosing Christ as your center rearranges a person's life but it's worth it!

There is an enemy that wants to destroy my marriage/family, my relationships, my relationship with God, and kill my soul. But there is a God who offers me hope to walk this path and gives me the strength to do so.

whew! that was some heavy stuff! I really hope everything came across in the way i meant it. If you're offended i'm sorry! But this is the tough love God's been dishing out to me all last week and I think it's important stuff especially for moms of little ones. They're looking up to you and loving you so much.