Isaiah 26:3

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 32:18

My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest.

This week I've found myself in such an unexpected place.  But here I am and never have I felt more free in Christ. But not just a feeling, a deep understanding stretching from my mind to deep within my heart.
I've been smiling from a heart full of peace because God has been healing.  What was once gone, God is bringing back to life. What a healer He is!

If I've ever loved God it's nothing to how I love him after this week. 

Jesus came and healed the broken and sick people and he continues that to this day. Seeing how God is restoring me is a gift and I believe He is a big God worthy of all this 'awe' I have for him.

 

So here I sit with coffee in hand enjoying life.  What a relief it is to be able to honestly say that!

Today, I am in 'undisturbed places of rest' and it's amazing.

He has orchestrated events to occur which led me to this point.  On my car ride home this morning, after a wonderful morning with two beautiful ladies I was praising Him with a grateful heart for letting me not walk through the hard stuff alone.  For the first time I actually believe God being capable of amazing things.

~*~

Tonight we are going to a Christmas party for Darren's work! Garrett will be spending some time with a friend of ours and I refuse to be a worry-er! He is in good company tonight and will be spoiled with attention.  I'm looking forward to dressing up and going on a date with my husband. The Navy can be loads of fun! :) No sarcasm there, i mean it!

I started packing last night and taking down pictures on the wall.  It's beginning to look bare in here but i've decided to leave the Christmas decorations up until the last possible moment!

I am looking forward to this Christmas in our new home!

Well I hope you have a wonderful night!

Talk to you soon!



Romans 12:19-20

 (NIV)

¹⁹ Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”^[a] says the Lord. ²⁰ On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

A part of blogging that I dislike is that there is no one stopping you from posting too much. It's a blank page waiting for anything that's on your mind. There is no going back on what you say either.  So far in the years of posting i've had a limited number of entries I regret. For example maybe I shared a little too much or lost my cool.  

Unfortunately my last post was definitely one that I woke up the next morning kicking myself for.  Please forgive me!

I read the verse above this afternoon.  I had been struggling with a conflict and didn't know how to best handle it. I realized God continues to love me aside from all of my issues and even though I tried to justify a decision I made the other day as time went on my heart grew colder and my choice didn't seem to line up with what I knew was in God's word.  It led to a conviction that i had this afternoon to continue to love.

To live well is to have loved well i'm learning.

We are going to hurt each other because we're human but being able to love despite how we feel is God loving through us I believe.

It's a gift to be able to let go of hurt feelings.  I don't want to be a girl that holds onto grudges or refuses to forgive.  That is just not me!

I'm thankful for these lessons today.

Being a mother is such a fun job.  Of course there are moments someone is pulling my hair out (did you catch that?!) but overall it's a rewarding role.  I have this incredible little person in my care daily.  He is growing and becoming more independent and discovering the world.  I don't know if you have been around children much but they are fascinated by the most simplest things.  You develop an appreciation for the small things as well as you're following them around.  Who knew a Kleenex could hold my attention for so long! Or that bouncing a ball off the wall would result in a little man laughing his socks off practically! 

I can't wait for the years ahead for him.  I make sure to tell him it's a good thing God has given me an abundance of patience because he is too busy.

Today my friend Amy sent me a text asking if I wanted to have coffee and it was such a great time.  I always love to see her because she makes me laugh hard every time! ..and i love to laugh. We're looking forward to the bible study her husband and her will be hosting. 
It's fun to have a coffee buddy! 

Now it's time for me to hit the gym.  One day when i'm in heaven i'm going to be super excited to not have to work out! Have a wonderful evening!

I tried uploading pictures but am having some issues. The pictures are loading sideways? (Help)

   

 

*We're sitting on her couch talking through what's occurred in her marriage and as the words come out i'm brokenhearted for her.  She said she was going to leave her husband and I couldn't bear it.  We met many times after and I encouraged her to stay but she left him.

*She thinks i'm wrong when I say to be careful with that man who in her eyes is only a friend but I know it could lead to more. Our friendship was broken for a painful time.

*I warn her that that guy she wants to date is bad news because I know him personally.  I want to protect her from him.

*I tell her that she is beautiful and gifted and I don't want to risk hurting her but am honest with how her negative spirit is not doing her any good.  I try to bring her to my God.  I want her to find healing. She doesn't receive it well.

*I get a phone call and she wants to kill herself.  She says that she can't deal with life anymore and I talk her through one of the most difficult calls i've ever received.  She now is living but still very lost.

*We sit across from each other in a restaurant and she tells me her husband isn't good to her anymore and I plead with her and call upon God to give me the right words.  She moves across the states though and leaves her husband.   

6 different woman.  All wandering down a path I know all too well and I want to protect them I want to lead them back to safety.  Some of them ended up getting upset with me and it crushed our friendships, others simply nodded their heads and moved along with their plans.  I had a valid desire to see them restored back to living life well.  But as these different woman have come into my life brought by God I have to ask what am I doing wrong?  Is being a good friend simply nodding your head and watching them mess up? I don't know..


If I disobeyed my parents corrected me.  I hated to be told that I was doing something wrong because I wanted them to always praise me and think I was wonderful of course. :) (that would be the pride in me!) But I NEEDED their correction and structure to become the woman I am today. My parents are the first people to love me for who I am and show compassion but they are also the first ones to confront me when i've lost my way or am headed down a sinful path.  I'm grateful for that..I see life different because of them. 
I have grown up with a God who corrects me constantly.  Oh, but the way He loves me is like nothing i've experienced before.  There have been moments he seems to crush me only to build me up into a more loving, tough, strong woman. 
When my husband confronted me about my constant negative comments awhile back and how i was better than that, It hurt me! How dare he tell me that, who was he to say something so bold, but then I thought and I knew that was the Lord saying, 'Laura, you have been negative, you aren't happy' and I knew they both loved me and wanted me at my best.
When done in love criticism can be used for building a person up.  I have been developing quite a backbone and not a hard heart to people.  I'm thankful for this!
I'm going to make mistakes and say too much but as those that know me will claim that 'laura cares too much'.  In my heart there is a soft place for woman and this desire to see them thriving and loving God and other's well. 
But I am faced with this truth tonight;

They are human.  Real woman with real issues and I am not God.  I don't have the power to fix them or patch them back up.  I will do my best to love who God brings in my life but I will certainly not allow a person to pull me down in hopes that I can help them. I will listen to my spiritual gut when it says back away in peace and don't say a thing. 
I hope that I can learn to be the best kind of friend to those in my life.  I pray for healthy friendships and authentic ones at that! 
I have been blessed with four sisters (two are in laws but goodness they're definitely sisters to me!) and they have been through more life then me and are walking me through the times i'm not sure what i'm doing!  I'm blessed because of them.
I have two mothers who care for me.  My momma is the best thing to happen to me I like to tell God! I realized i'm just like her in so many ways.  I never appreciated her when I was in high school, but now as I get older and love her deeper and deeper I realize she is exactly who I want to be like and i'm proud to say that. 
I have a mother in law who has done nothing but love me since the day she met me.  We're able to chat on the phone and keep in touch.  We've had many hours of conversations that have shaped me into who I am today.  She is the example of a loving mother that I'm so thankful for!
Then I have these friends over the course of my life who stand out. Mentors, school friends,from church camps, Church friends, the navy, and random people i'vei've already had enough meaningful friendships to last me a lifetime. 
So when I feel crushed by a friend my heavenly father takes me hand and turns me around and points me back to all the ones in my life who he has lovingly placed for a purpose.  Then He reminds me of his love for me and my need to trust that he is big enough to deal with the people I hurt for. 

One day I will find a healthy balance when conflicts arise with certain friends.  I pray that God would continue to let my heart grow warmer and not cold (Matthew 24:12) and that i'd have compassion with an understanding that sometimes all I can do is pray for a friend and be there.

I wonder if you struggle with the same thing as me? 

Thank you lord for having enough grace for a girl like me!

~*~

Moving on!

Can't wait to post about thanksgiving :)

I did make a pie! and we are looking forward to a nice dinner with friends. I have Garrett's 'first thanksgiving' bib all ready to go and can't wait to spend it with my two boys. 

I sort of made a big meal tonight because I was in one of those cooking moods but my husband barely touched his meal and has been asleep since he got home.  That is the life after most duty days. :)

So here is what I'm thankful for;

My husband

Garrett Hudson of course!

My great big family who are my favorite people

Friends!

Having self-control when it comes to food

My sweet savior who I love more and more each day.

okay, it's your turn! I could go on forever..

What are you thankful for?

I love to bake.  

Not being in the kitchen much since having Garrett wasn't intentional but as the holidays approach out came the apron, bowls, chocolate chips, and rubber spatulas! I'm all settled into my kitchen and am comfortable following along recipes once again.  It's ironic that i've chosen baking to be a distraction from snacking during the quiet afternoons when i'm starving! Thankfully i'm not a dessert lover or i'd be in trouble.

The man of this house has a sweet tooth though and it's my hope he is satisfied once again with all the baked goods.  

sugar cookies!

homemade frosting!

Decorating these brought back sweet memories of my childhood.

Garrett was having fun with the laundry basket.  I was holding on, don't worry!

He does own pants but has been crawling out of them literally so after the 10th time putting them back on we decided to let him be.

His personality has us cracking up all the time now.

Did I mention he is keeping us busy while he climbs up onto EVERYTHING?

Today my mom's famous brownies came to be in my home! It was very exciting.

(My cookbook)  Although I still love my cookbooks and they're getting plenty of my attention again.

I can't wait for tiny little hands to help unwrap all those carmels one day!

They smelled wonderful.

~*~

Yesterday I made fudge for the first time! 

And this one last picture gave Darren and I a good laugh.  He was pitching in this past Sunday doing laundry and mixed a red tablecloth with the towels and as we've possibly all done, this was the result! Sorry Garrett..you now have pink wash cloths. :) 

Laughter was a gift though and we hunched over from it.

~*~

Diet, weight loss, healthier..

I'm not sure what to call what it is i'm doing but I'm feeling better with my choices when it comes to food, and working out.

I've downloaded an application that allows me to track calories during the day (There's an option to scan a bar code on food!).  Also i've been running, drinking a ton of water (96oz), and have finally sealed the deal with an amazing accountability partner.  I am trying to be more educated with taking care of my body.  My friend encouraged that I shouldn't stress about losing weight and her words were exactly what this girl needed!  This week I feel at peace with the desire to be healthy.  I don't feel deprived from food or depressed because the scale doesn't read the right number.  I am making wiser choices and there's peace found in doing that.

I hadn't realized how much I was snacking throughout the day from stress and boredom.  I came to the realization that I want to look good for my husband. I want to honor him and be at my very best.  In the same way I don't want him to lose his love for God he doesn't want me to let my physical body go. I can respect that. There is such a fine line with this particular issue but i'm learning.

The sweetest thing in going down this new path is that i'm not alone.  People struggle with weight all the time and it's not easy.  But I have some really amazing people walking me through.  There is one friend named Beth who every time I see her tells me that i'm looking skinny! That is a confidence booster for sure!  Being encouraged has always been a motivator personally. 

So there's the latest on that :).

~*~

My heart was racing as I approached the church.  How was I to teach a group of girls about self-worth and beauty when it is one of my deepest struggles.  I'm one of the most insecure woman out there.  But the other leader asked that i'd lead since she wouldn't be there.  Preparing for this lesson was eye-opening and for that i'm glad to have been able to have the opportunity. 

 I wanted to tell those beautiful girls that it was going to get easier.  That the pain of not seeming to measure up to our culture's standard would eventually fade and that they'd have strength each day to remember where God's word reminds them of their unique one of a kind design.  But I hadn't even come to accept those truths yet.  I wasn't believing God's strength would be made perfect in my weakness. 

They spoke with such raw emotion and pain that I knew all to well. But the words came out of my mouth that God took great pride in them.  We jumped into 1 Samuel 13 where God chooses David to be king because of his heart.  We finished the night off with a little book that has warmed my heart time after time. ('God thinks you're wonderful' by Max Lucado).  I hoped that these girls walked away with the hope that they are not alone and there is a God who thinks they're one of a kind.  It's hard to be a woman in a world that is so cruel especially to a woman.  I recently read an article written on a Victoria Secret model and how she prepares for a shoot.  In the weeks ahead she essentially starves herself and she works out twice a day.  Moving ahead with my day there was a sense of peace in knowing that there is joy in raising a son, cleaning a home, having relationships, and investing my time into others not only myself.  I don't need to compare myself to a model..I am unique and was made for more.  I am thankful for a healthy balance in my life right now.

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

~*~

Have a wonderful Evening!

. 

He will have to leave again.  I'm well aware that our chance at this 'normal life' will come to a close all too soon. Eventually we'll be adjusting to a different normal like we've done before.

But I confess that I enjoy hearing those loud boots climbing up the stairs at the end of the day.  Being able to be irritated by him without the fear that he will have to leave in a week.  Seeing him everyday for the past year has been a gift and one I may take for granted some days but deep inside I am thankful. 

Being a navy wife is really special.  I've had to grow leaps and bounds in a matter of weeks at a time.  I've messed up really bad a few times but learning those hard lessons has made me the girl I am today. My relationships are much more meaningful these days, especially with family.  I soak up the time we have together when we're able to visit.  I can't even begin to tell you how many amazing people i've met along the way. We have toured around the east coast learning about our country's history (I love history!).  We have a steady paycheck and health insurance for the last two years.  I get to shop at the commissary with my green bags. (Thanks ej!) There's so much more..

 I heard a JAG officer once tell a crowd that as a wife you need to take care of your sailor and watch out for him. I didn't realize at the time how his words would become so meaningful.  He's right I have an incredible role being able to make life at home safe, fun, and enjoyable for darren.  I like being the one to walk this journey with him. 

I'm sad when he has to leave and every so often i'll cry because i miss him so much but God provides every step of the way for both of us and i'm grateful for that.   

Staying faithful is not hard to do when he is away.  Eagerly i'll wait for a letter and when one finally comes I hold onto it and read it at least five times.  Getting emails and phone calls show that i'm cared for.  He thinks about me and he reminds me how special I am during those long months.  Deployments don't have to be 6-7 months of torture. It's all in how you choose to see it i've learned.

I've met some who have a pity party day after day and then i've met some strong woman who go on living life with an honest smile.

When someone asks how I manage during deployments i'll say, I like to think that the first and last two weeks are the hardest but the in between time you find a groove and accept a new normal for the time being.

I don't hold any bitterness in my heart towards the navy today.  We have a love/hate relationship to be completely honest.  One minute you are doing one thing and then you get a phone call that changes life as you know it and you quickly adjust to a new idea of life only to receive another phone call. :) It's okay though, i think change is good for us.

Garrett will also have to learn to experience life without his father there every day and although it causes some pain for each of us we know we'll be okay.  God's will is for us to be in the Navy that i'm sure. 

 It's the hardest part of what he does but knowing the cause for which he leaves makes me proud.  I stand behind him 100% and often encourage him to go further in his career. He is one of the most loyal and honest men i've met and I treats people kindly.  He's a quiet leader but the kind of man you'd want leading a group of people because he is worthy of people's respect.  That's my bias opinion of course. :) I believe in what he is doing and that's why I don't grumble to him when we find out news that he'll have to be gone or the idea of having to be a navy wife for many more years to come. 

I support him and that is a job I don't mind having.

~*~

So for this next year we're going to call this our home.  Who knows where we'll be after our year here but for now i'm living all here.

(i'll post more pictures later! The homeowner fixed up the front porch recently and it looks great. This is an older picture so i'll have to post a new one eventually)

I'm afraid we are stuck with this 'ginormous' picture. I can't figure out how to shrink it, my apologies! 

We have started our marathon of Christmas movies for this holiday season.  I like to start now because there are too many favorites and not enough time!

The year with out a Santa clause, The Grinch, The Santa clause (all three of them), The Muppet Christmas,

Family vacation, Elf, The shop around the corner, it's a wonderful life, a Christmas carol, Home alone, White Christmas, A Christmas story, charlie brown Christmas, and so many more! 

So you understand why we start early?

Growing up we would have a few nights my mom would make a lot of food and we'd watch a few of those movies. When you do that year after year it begins to stick and to not do it feels awfully wrong.  Although it's only me watching most of these, it's still a very fun tradition I'm enjoying this year.

Have you had a negative friend in your life? Have you been the negative person in someone's life?  Either way it's bad i've come to find out! There are times i'm negative and I can hear the things I say and can't stop talking! These are the times i've asked God to put his hand over my mouth and arm around my shoulder.  It's always easier to look at the downside in a situation or a person.  Recently trying to choose to look at life through a different lense has been a huge blessing! It's certainly not easy though. 

I hate hearing where I've fallen short but sometimes we need to! I don't think I was a very fun person to hang out with.  I intended good but nothing about what was coming out of my mouth was encouraging.  It's hard to see some woman in my life who take to facebook to vent.  That website has become a place of negativity lately.  I have so many friends that are constantly griping about one thing after another.  There are moments it takes everything in me to close my computer and walk away not saying a word.  For one i'm glad my parents are on facebook holding me accountable for what I say. And second it reflects these people that i care for in the worst way.  I was praying about this and that's when it hit me that's what I sound like to darren and others.  It stopped me dead in my tracks to be face to face with such an ugly side of me. 

A negative heart reflects a heart that isn't full of joy or love or content.  

What a good lesson to be learning! 

Alright well I should get to bed. :) 

Laura

*It's that time of year*

When I pull out those boxes full of beautiful decorations.  

When the music plays endlessly serenading me back down memory lane.

When I feel happy and eager for the *white* blankets outside my window.

Searching for the perfect Christmas Tree, Trimming that tree,

BAKING! delicious food, Family, traditions, cozy nights by a fake fire on our t.v. 

SHOPPING.  

Relearning the story of Christ's birth and celebrating with others. 

For the first time Garrett will experience all of these things and not really remember but as I prayed the other evening I realized how I wanted him to look back on his younger years and remember special traditions and time with family that he will come to treasure when he's older.  I'm not stressed or anxious to get through this holiday season with my check list.  I'm relaxed and full of joy for this time of year and spending it with my family and getting to make it special for Garrett's first Christmas.  

I love being the one to teach him about Jesus. 

He is loving the Christmas music we're playing and tonight Darren let me pick up the new Michael Buble Christmas CD! 

~*~

We're Moving!

Into a charming Cape Cod rental home.  December we'll be packing up and moving across town and settling into our beautiful home.  We were prayerful about this decision and knowing that God led us was a blessing.

I'm surprisingly very patient and not anxious about this upcoming change.  It will be for the better in so many ways but for now i'm living life here in our apartment for the next couple weeks, happily.

I know this won't be a forever home but it's gorgeous in my opinion and I can't wait to call it our home.

Goodbye third floor apartment living! :) You've treated us well and gave me stronger legs.

~*~

"I have no sense of fashion. oh well!" I don't know how many times these words have rolled off my tongue with ease but inside I hate that I don't have a sense of style.  Last night that all changed! I realized that like other things this is can be learned so after I put my son to bed I read a free ebook about how to dress my body type.  It was long but I couldn't stop reading as i was learning how I've been dressing in all the 'don'ts' she listed.  How come no one has told me!? ;) Well anyways, i'm going to have to use it as a guide.  She was very practical and encouraging about how to view yourself.  I really appreciated her words and advice.  I don't want to have the tired mom look.  I want to look my best and take pride in how I dress.  Anyways thought i'd pass along the website where I found the free ebook.  I hope that it might help you too.
http://www.howtolookgood.com/ask-caryn/

~*~
I am loving my memory verse this week
Gen. 16:13
"You are the God who sees me"

It's such a great reminder that although i'm longing to see his face, he sees mine.  For now that is the comfort I've prayed for.

I've been enjoying writing for fun lately.  Just random short stories and jotting down ideas, and journaling.  Writing has always been my kind of adventure so i want to share with you while i'm in this learning season.  I really do hope God will bless me one day when I actually begin writing a book.  Thank you to everyone who has encouraged/nudged me in that direction! I can't wait to share with you when I begin to do that. I know i'll need help and your words then. :)
I've been reading a lot right now though and loving it.  It helps gather inspiration and is also a way to teach me how to write better. I'm all for learning from others. And I still get to enjoy a good book!
I know that there are tons of other writers out there that are incredible with ideas that blow me away. I'm glad that there are so many different styles and books. There isn't a mold and you have the freedom to be creative.

I dug up a journal from when I was a little girl and had a lot of laughs while decoding my chicken scratch! I loved writing then just as much as I do now at 22.  I look back on my blogs from year and years ago and know that God could use these words to lead others to him.
I will never be 'there' with all the knowledge to write a book but with time, practice, reviewing, good help along the way, I hope to start putting something together soon.
Pray for me as God is preparing my heart!