To write is to pour out your life as a love offering for people you may never meet, because when you do so you feel God’s pleasure in your fingertips. -Lisa-Jo (http://thegypsymama.com/)

There I was last night kneeling on aching knees tracing letters that all together read, 'Happy Birthday'.  A simple banner but as I traced, my mind wandered to that first moment he was in my arms.  No even further back to when I held that tiny stick telling me God was forming my child.  I loved him from that moment on and as this mother prepares for the FIRST birthday she rejoices in a full year with the sweetest boy i've ever met, aside from my husband of course! 

This child of mine is a rare treasure.

Some mornings are made extra special when accompanied by 'I love lucy' and a giant cup of coffee. But not before a quiet moment with the Lord being reminded of this journey to a closer relationship.  It's the most incredible thing to have Him daily.  That he willingly pursues me knowing the past, present, and future.

There are issues out of my control that leave me with high blood pressure and an exhausted husband. (poor man has to hear all that is wrong with this world when he knows for himself) I won't get into details but this morning as tired eyes skimmed line after line of a most disturbing story I fumed.  My anger only grew with the next story and the one after that.  I forgot though..my enemy is not against people..but against satan who has skillfully crafted lie after lie that has led to a disturbing corrosion of this once fine country and world.  As a follower of Christ I struggle with loving people and yet not accepting certain behaviors that go against God's word. 

I can hardly stand to read the news these days but the growing conflict around the world rings louder.  I'm so deeply hated by people in Afghanistan,  I'm deeply hated by a community of gays and transgender, I'm deeply hated by a group of Atheists, and deeply hated by a group of people who believe in having the choice to abort a life when it's not convenient for the mother. 

I'm hated. and this realization stings but brings comfort because it shows that I am right where Jesus said i'd possibly be.

John 15:18

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.

When Jesus walked this earth he was seen performing the most wonderful miracles.  Caring for people and reaching out to them was his ministry.  He was incredibly bold to religious leaders along with coming to earth in the most unusual way.  He was hated for speaking the truth to people because it got under their skin and he called sin just that..sin. They could not even find fault in him but still crucified him.

I am His.  And from early on I knew this was part of the deal for following Christ.  As my freedom begins to feel like someone is choking the life out of it I have to remember what this world did to my Savior and his followers then.  If you're feeling slightly in the same boat as me be encouraged by the fact that Jesus wasn't silenced by the grave.  That grave did not Keep him and he did just what he set out to do, bring us life.  Don't walk through life feeling hopeless remember the hope we have in Christ and share His love with everyone you come to meet.  Bask in his glory and enjoy this daily walk alongside of him.  Don't grow weary when this world seems to be falling apart, look to the God who has and will always remain.

Thanking God for this reminder today!

Praying for you that you'd be strong and continue to seek Him.

~Laura~



  Throw a load in the washer.

Pay a bill.

It's 6:20am and i'm awake, such a rare event for this girl.

I plop the little peanut in his chair and pull it near the living room, put on my workout clothes and my own trainer steps in (Jillian Michaels of all people!) and we begin all of that fun cardio, strength, and ab training.  The little one begins to laugh as I am jumping around and it makes for one of my most favorite workouts yet.  I work harder and make silly faces because if i'm honest I already look ridiculous!

We have a morning full of smiles and fun and i'm loving him better as i've embraced the blessing of being a mother.

The night before I sit in bed reading a magazine article about Aaron Shust http://www.todayschristianmusic.com/artists/aaron-shust/audio/aaron-shust-story-behind-the-song-my-hope-is-in-you/ whose child has gone through health problems and faced the shadow of death with his son.  It's hard to picture being in that situation so I thank God over and over for this whole year with my son and I don't want to take for granted these healthy days. 

We had a wonderful trip to Indiana and Wisconsin. The days we traveled went smoothly and well worth all the trouble of a full day of plane and bus rides! I'd do it again in a heartbeat. :) It was really nice to come home and get settled back in with my man.  He let us know we were missed.

Sadly he found the freezer meals a few days short of when we returned and only ate corn dogs and frozen pizza most of the days. ...ladies i DID leave a note card of instructions ha. 

My mom and I had a blast doing a new craft project together and I loved doing this. 

I love learning from her because she is beyond creative. It's only taken me all of my life to finally start learning this stuff from her. She was very patient with me and didn't get annoyed when I messed up!

My mom has become special to me these last few years since I moved away and I absolutely treasured our time together. I love that woman more and more and am learning a lot from her about motherhood, being a better wife, and friend.  I'm glad to have her.

I spent a lot of time with my younger brother Timmy and we had a blast! He isn't so little anymore standing well over 6 feet, i don't even remember the inches! but he's one of my best friends.  We caught up on 'The Office' and cracked up the whole time.  We also played super Nintendo with great ideas to beat a game..we didn't but it was fun to laugh and spend time with my brother.

He is growing into such a fine young man and i'm extremely proud of him. 

I had a WONDERFUL birthday Wednesday.  It was nice to dress up and go out for dinner with my husband.  He also gave me a Barnes and noble gift card that I can't wait to use.  Not sure what i'll get yet. :) I also had plenty of phone calls, texts, and facebook notes to make the day even more special. 23 feels weird and i'm not a fan of getting older but i'm sure God will smooth over those fears later down the road. Right now we have so much other things we're dealing with.

I feel like i'm walking in a season of fullness and it's not like anything drastic has happened in my circumstances just a different attitude.  I am embracing this life God gave me with everything in me these days.

I am digging deep into His word, devotionals, fun magazines about parenting, marriage, friendships, organizing, and so much more.

I am a homemaker and it's a full time job.  It's either going to be done well or poorly and i'm thankful to finally be sorting through this area in my life.  I've given myself grace and am making changes to how I run this home.  It's getting organized room by room and i'm figuring out a better way to keep up with daily chores.  Serving God in this area is just as important to Him as going on a missions trip I believe.  I want my home to be warm and inviting and always ready for God to use. 

Well as soon as I wash the dishes Garrett and I will be heading to a thrift store to see if we can find something cheap for in the kitchen. I have a few boxes of baking things that have no place to go and it's driving me nuts! Hopefully we'll find something.

We are FINALLY buckling down and going on a budget. I am thrilled about this decision after meeting with a family at church about how to set up a financial plan. Thankful for their willingness to help us out.  I know having peace financially is important in a marriage and although discipline isn't fun always this will be a blessing in the long run. 

For the free spirited spender in me this will be hard (I don't go crazy but I like to pick up things here and there that I don't really need).  I am excited about my own 'fun money' and being able to pick and choose how I will spend that in a month.

Alright well those dishes won't wash themselves so i'd better go! I'll chat with you again soon :).

Laura

She brings me an afghan and places it on me, tucking it in around my achy legs. 

Still my favorite mom after all these years. :) 

She knows the balance of compassion and discipline..she gets it and i'm blessed because of it.

She created a safe harbor for her family. A place of peace and rest in a broken world.  My father and her worked hard to provide this home for their children. It's never been a particular home but wherever God brought us their love bloomed and our home was safe.

I did my best growing here and it hasn't changed.

I'm on a vacation and it's allowing me time to rest once again.

*I've picked up a good book

'One thousands Gifts' (Ann Voskamp)

*I'm listening to soothing music all day

 *chatting with my momma keeping her company.

 *loving my sweet 11 month old who can't get around fast enough for his liking but having a great time.

We are enjoying this trip to say the least.

I pray you have a place like this or that you can create a similiar atmosphere wherever you find yourself.  I was blessed with protection and love for 23 years.  I'm really working hard to build that in my own home.  My home is with Darren and even though I find that my strength in Christ is renewed when I come visit with my family I love to be with my man.

After half a day of traveling we arrived safely and now will remember fond memories of good conversations with strangers.  I'm glad we talked and didn't ignore the other.  Having a baby seems to make starting a conversation easier, wouldn't you agree?

I spent the day open hearted to God allowing Him to pour his word in.  I've Settled into the couch with a heart full of words to write that make it safely to my word document that reads:

"My Book"

Finally I have embraced this place that leaves my heart skipping a beat every time it comes to mind.  That i've dared to be vullnerable and carry no fancy title or degree.  I'm simply a young girl with a meaningful message to share. 

My intentions are to love and encourage woman across the world. 

A passion to see another life come together as a result of these words would be incredible.

If you know me then you'll believe me when I say my prayers go before and after each page written.  I go back and re-read reminding myself to have patience and grace for myself through this process.  It takes time and life still happens as I write to you. 

I pray it would be recieved well if that's His will.

It's going to be an adventure and one I want to share with the ones who have seen me grow over the years. (you) :) 

I don't know what God will do with all these words and my story but if all falls short at least I will have grown closer to God because of it. 

Laura



(Sorry for the short break but I needed it :). Although I have a lot to catch up on we will just pick back up where we left off and move ahead.)


Jan 19

I bend over and whisper a prayer of thanks for daddies, mommies, grandparents, family, playing with sweet Caroline and William Heidt, a good day, and I ask for rest and an fun adventure tomorrow.  He stares back at me looking with wonder.  I kiss his sweet cheek and pull the covers around him a little more snug.  Where has this last year gone to I wonder.

He is getting big but I savor these days and with the constant reminder that they will go by quickly I don't want to miss a beat.  So today I thank the Lord for this chance to stay at home with my little one.  To be there every step of the way and not have him miss me during the days has been a gift.  We sacrifice with our one income but we're happily making it work and seeing God provide.    
I was able to choose this path that's not often taken by mothers in our culture and i'm well aware of how special it is.
I will have 18 years (God willing) before my baby leaves and in those years I have a vital role to be there to teach him, love him, provide a safe home, and care for him.  God entrusted me with Garrett and equipped me with the knowledge on how to care for him.  It's really an incredible thing.  (In no way am I knocking working mothers, I know some families need that extra income)
Today I saw a statement by a mother who was feeling less then worth it as a mom because of the way our culture views a mom as 'just a mom'.  I wanted to reach through the computer screen and hug her and let her know that she has been given one of the most selfless jobs out there but also the most rewarding.  At the end of our lives as mothers this world will not be cheering us on and rewarding our work as a mother but let me tell you God will be if you did your job well.  He is the one that ultimately cares that you do this job well and embrace it daily.  Don't miss out on these precious years of a child, they go by too quickly.

~*~

I had a history lesson today and came to learn the special role our military plays.  You always hear about supporting our troops and having pride in the military but it wasn't until today that I came to grips with why. The declaration of independence was a wonderful thing documenting our freedom from Britain but it wasn't until years later that our military men FOUGHT for it.  Britain didn't look at that piece of paper and say 'oh you want your freedom? okay sure here you go..'  No..we had to fight for it.  Men died on the way to earning that freedom and in Yorktown is when we finally gained our freedom years after the declaration of independence was signed.  Not because of Congress did we gain freedom, because of our military men.  (Thanks to my brother in law Dave who this past summer brought us around VA showing us site after site of history, helped tied together some loose ends!)

1% of men and women now serve in the military (Very close to this, if I'm wrong please correct me) and they are a VERY special group of people.  To give up their freedoms of a nice warm couch and t.v. and trade it for a life in a ship sleeping in a cold place away from home around 10 other guys..for us. Risking their lives and some dying.  It's amazing that they sacrifice daily freedoms like growing facial hair, wearing civilian clothes, time away from family so that we have freedom. Without these people I wouldn't be able to write freely probably.

And you know what I was told today? That God hand chose this woman to be a navy wife.  I don't walk around with much pride but I think gaining this respect is very appropriate and well deserved.  My husband falls in this 1% and I think he's awesome for that.  I get to support him as a Sailor and make his home a safe haven away from the stress of work.  I get to love him and be the Martha Washington (you'll have to read up on her story of going to see George Washington when he was away) in this story.  I know that God has led us to this hard stinky sometimes not fair lifestyle...but his ways are higher then mine and I'm really thankful to find myself right where He wanted me. 

Until next time, I pray you're doing well and growing in your faith and relationships!

Laura

It never came...after all that hoping and praying..

What is this snow stuff again?

:)

Even though I must have asked God a thousand times for it, He always know what is best for us.
During our move we didn't have to pay any attention to snowy roads, shoveling, and bitter cold temperatures.

I love to know what's coming.  If someone gave me a sheet of paper with all the events of that day i'd be pleased.  It's nice to know what to expect and decide as each event happens how I feel about it but simply knowing what is to come would put me at perfect peace.

Unfortunately little in life really works that way not being in my favor. 

See, the Navy doesn't tell you a 10 year plan on where you will be and when.  They can change their minds rather quickly and you're left scatter brained as you try to plan a move or get used to the idea of your man being gone for such and such time.

Once those orders finally come you have a sense of peace being able to take care of all affairs that need to be in order for a smooth transition but it doesn't change the fact that this military lifestyle is hard on the family.

We have lived a somewhat normal life in 2011.  Darren was home most of the time but that didn't change the long hours or the fact that I never do know when to expect him home. He leaves early and comes home late with the occasional 3:00pm surprise arrival.  It's funny how even though he has been home we have had a hard time connecting.  I get a very drained husband because his job is just as intense as when they are out to sea.

He is trying his very best right now to make time for Garrett and I and cares for us but goodness if I woke up at 5 and worked all day by the time that I arrived home at 6 or so i'd want to kick those feet up and not do anything!

The Navy is a bittersweet career.  There's no getting around it.

I can't change it and i've accepted that this is where God has led us. So i'm working on changing my attitude towards what can't be changed.  I really don't gripe too much about the navy but I do complain about things that stem off because of it. 

Don't see family much

A very tired Darren

Loneliness

No permanence

and a few others.

I want to learn to have an attitude that was like Christ's.  He didn't have permanence either and he dealt with all the things I am feeling now which is comforting.

I wish that i'd taken time to dig up some passages in the Bible to support this but that's for another entry another time!

I really don't want to live a life being discontent. That's no way to live!  I believe that there are times we can change our circumstances but sometimes we simply need an attitude adjustment.

So why did I want snow so bad this year?

Because it's what i'm used to.  I'm familiar with the crisp air that accompanies the soft flurries and it's beautiful to me. 

Because everything this year has been unfamiliar to me and I craved something that I knew.

I had a baby and that was new and scary for me.

I dealt with marital conflicts that seemed over my head at times

I learned that I hadn't really accepted God's grace in my heart, still working on that.:)

I moved into two different homes

I only saw my family a few times

The church I attended is nothing like what I have experienced in all of my 22 years of going to church.

It's different..but i'm trying to understand that different isn't bad..it's just different.

God didn't send me a familiar snowfall this year..instead he sent me my familiar savior, Jesus Christ.

And i'm marveling at the peace I have in knowing my King is the same as he always was.

Thank you Lord for remaining constant in my not so constant circumstances!

Laura

 



"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." — Helen Keller

Sometimes I have to wonder why God allows me to walk through what seems like unnecessary junk.  Conflict, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and more.  Why can't he use that mighty hand and direct me around  those trials so I can go on my merry way?

But it is necessary.  

I wish that I had everything figured out.  I wish that I was a picture of perfection but I'm not. I'm really a messy individual but can I tell you in the midst of all my faults God's grace has never felt so wonderful. 

Am I the only one afraid of going unnoticed. of not being heard or validated?

Because sometimes God's still small voice doesn't cut it and I want more.  

I want to belong. 

to a family

a group of friends

a church

a hobby

a job

I want purpose and to be validated for the work I do.  

Feeling small hurts.

But here is what I've learned.

God needs to take me through this time of feeling small because he's going to use each experience, each hurt, and lesson to draw me closer to Him and ultimately to bring himself glory.

Laura

"A thousand times i've failed still your mercy remains'

We've moved!

Welcome to our new home!

I love it. 

I don't think i've ever been excited about a home quite like this before.  

It's hard though.  

I know that we'll be here for a year for sure but we don't have year(s) here and that is hard for me because I want to become attached to this home and fix it up like it is my own.  But the reality is we're borrowing this home for a time and although it's good to enjoy it, it isn't permanent. 

I will of course take you along with me as I make this home ours and we will enjoy the journey together!

I had to get some lights and fancy red bows on this home even if it was simple.  

                                               

Garrett is enjoying this new home very much.  He has been exploring all the extra space but he doesn't like when he loses his mommy.

We don't have a gate yet and for the time being he really hasn't gone around the stairs much but i'm sure in the coming months he'll want to climb up.

Garrett met Santa for the first time! I'm enjoying his first Christmas and all the little things that go along with it.

He did really well and didn't cry. :)  

I haven't taken a lot of inside pictures of our home yet but once it starts to come together in here I'll share! I'm not the best decorator but I still love to fix things up in my own way even if it doesn't look right. My mom and sisters have the gift of interior designing.  Where are they when I need them!?

I am beyond tired today and have been going going going since last Thursday.  I am sitting down for the first time since then.  It feels nice to rest.  We have had our hands full with this move and it didn't help to have a heavy heart from disappointment. Moving is not easy and having family far away makes it even more difficult.

But it was great to have people from Darren's work come over to help us move and my friend Crystal was more then willing to watch Garrett.  

I was surprised by the people who did help as well as by the ones who didn't. Sometimes we have to learn hard lessons through experience.  I must have talked to my parents a handful of times seeking their wisdom as I was dealing with a situation i'd never had to face before.  Thankful for godly parents who know me and can encourage me/teach me still after all these years.  

Anyways we had a bit of a surprise the night we moved in.  The heat was broken and as the temps read 47 degrees I was not happy.  Please understand that going on 3 hours of sleep, exhausted from moving down three flights of stairs, and wanting to protect my baby, I was not in the happiest moods.  I had expectations of moving in and getting things done right away but instead we bundled up and sat in Garrett's room that evening near the space heater.  

Thankfully the heat has been fixed and is working fine now.  I am much more cheerful and this home is all decked out for Garrett's first Christmas!  

I am bad during transitions.  When my home is all over the place I can't stand it! Can you relate?

I love knowing where everything is and that it has a place.  Trying to put everything away and balancing what we spend without going overboard isn't always fun.  

I still have much more work to do at the apartment and maybe two more loads to bring over.  Almost done though! 

I love our quiet neighborhood.  I look forward to taking Garrett on a walk soon and being able to bake later in the week.  It's time to crank out some good ol' Christmas cookies, puppy chow, and more. 

Alright well as this post is all over the place so am I and it's time to finish up a few more things and then get some sleep!

I hope you're enjoying this week. 

:) 

Merry Christmas

Laura