. 

He will have to leave again.  I'm well aware that our chance at this 'normal life' will come to a close all too soon. Eventually we'll be adjusting to a different normal like we've done before.

But I confess that I enjoy hearing those loud boots climbing up the stairs at the end of the day.  Being able to be irritated by him without the fear that he will have to leave in a week.  Seeing him everyday for the past year has been a gift and one I may take for granted some days but deep inside I am thankful. 

Being a navy wife is really special.  I've had to grow leaps and bounds in a matter of weeks at a time.  I've messed up really bad a few times but learning those hard lessons has made me the girl I am today. My relationships are much more meaningful these days, especially with family.  I soak up the time we have together when we're able to visit.  I can't even begin to tell you how many amazing people i've met along the way. We have toured around the east coast learning about our country's history (I love history!).  We have a steady paycheck and health insurance for the last two years.  I get to shop at the commissary with my green bags. (Thanks ej!) There's so much more..

 I heard a JAG officer once tell a crowd that as a wife you need to take care of your sailor and watch out for him. I didn't realize at the time how his words would become so meaningful.  He's right I have an incredible role being able to make life at home safe, fun, and enjoyable for darren.  I like being the one to walk this journey with him. 

I'm sad when he has to leave and every so often i'll cry because i miss him so much but God provides every step of the way for both of us and i'm grateful for that.   

Staying faithful is not hard to do when he is away.  Eagerly i'll wait for a letter and when one finally comes I hold onto it and read it at least five times.  Getting emails and phone calls show that i'm cared for.  He thinks about me and he reminds me how special I am during those long months.  Deployments don't have to be 6-7 months of torture. It's all in how you choose to see it i've learned.

I've met some who have a pity party day after day and then i've met some strong woman who go on living life with an honest smile.

When someone asks how I manage during deployments i'll say, I like to think that the first and last two weeks are the hardest but the in between time you find a groove and accept a new normal for the time being.

I don't hold any bitterness in my heart towards the navy today.  We have a love/hate relationship to be completely honest.  One minute you are doing one thing and then you get a phone call that changes life as you know it and you quickly adjust to a new idea of life only to receive another phone call. :) It's okay though, i think change is good for us.

Garrett will also have to learn to experience life without his father there every day and although it causes some pain for each of us we know we'll be okay.  God's will is for us to be in the Navy that i'm sure. 

 It's the hardest part of what he does but knowing the cause for which he leaves makes me proud.  I stand behind him 100% and often encourage him to go further in his career. He is one of the most loyal and honest men i've met and I treats people kindly.  He's a quiet leader but the kind of man you'd want leading a group of people because he is worthy of people's respect.  That's my bias opinion of course. :) I believe in what he is doing and that's why I don't grumble to him when we find out news that he'll have to be gone or the idea of having to be a navy wife for many more years to come. 

I support him and that is a job I don't mind having.

~*~

So for this next year we're going to call this our home.  Who knows where we'll be after our year here but for now i'm living all here.

(i'll post more pictures later! The homeowner fixed up the front porch recently and it looks great. This is an older picture so i'll have to post a new one eventually)

I'm afraid we are stuck with this 'ginormous' picture. I can't figure out how to shrink it, my apologies! 

We have started our marathon of Christmas movies for this holiday season.  I like to start now because there are too many favorites and not enough time!

The year with out a Santa clause, The Grinch, The Santa clause (all three of them), The Muppet Christmas,

Family vacation, Elf, The shop around the corner, it's a wonderful life, a Christmas carol, Home alone, White Christmas, A Christmas story, charlie brown Christmas, and so many more! 

So you understand why we start early?

Growing up we would have a few nights my mom would make a lot of food and we'd watch a few of those movies. When you do that year after year it begins to stick and to not do it feels awfully wrong.  Although it's only me watching most of these, it's still a very fun tradition I'm enjoying this year.

Have you had a negative friend in your life? Have you been the negative person in someone's life?  Either way it's bad i've come to find out! There are times i'm negative and I can hear the things I say and can't stop talking! These are the times i've asked God to put his hand over my mouth and arm around my shoulder.  It's always easier to look at the downside in a situation or a person.  Recently trying to choose to look at life through a different lense has been a huge blessing! It's certainly not easy though. 

I hate hearing where I've fallen short but sometimes we need to! I don't think I was a very fun person to hang out with.  I intended good but nothing about what was coming out of my mouth was encouraging.  It's hard to see some woman in my life who take to facebook to vent.  That website has become a place of negativity lately.  I have so many friends that are constantly griping about one thing after another.  There are moments it takes everything in me to close my computer and walk away not saying a word.  For one i'm glad my parents are on facebook holding me accountable for what I say. And second it reflects these people that i care for in the worst way.  I was praying about this and that's when it hit me that's what I sound like to darren and others.  It stopped me dead in my tracks to be face to face with such an ugly side of me. 

A negative heart reflects a heart that isn't full of joy or love or content.  

What a good lesson to be learning! 

Alright well I should get to bed. :) 

Laura

*It's that time of year*

When I pull out those boxes full of beautiful decorations.  

When the music plays endlessly serenading me back down memory lane.

When I feel happy and eager for the *white* blankets outside my window.

Searching for the perfect Christmas Tree, Trimming that tree,

BAKING! delicious food, Family, traditions, cozy nights by a fake fire on our t.v. 

SHOPPING.  

Relearning the story of Christ's birth and celebrating with others. 

For the first time Garrett will experience all of these things and not really remember but as I prayed the other evening I realized how I wanted him to look back on his younger years and remember special traditions and time with family that he will come to treasure when he's older.  I'm not stressed or anxious to get through this holiday season with my check list.  I'm relaxed and full of joy for this time of year and spending it with my family and getting to make it special for Garrett's first Christmas.  

I love being the one to teach him about Jesus. 

He is loving the Christmas music we're playing and tonight Darren let me pick up the new Michael Buble Christmas CD! 

~*~

We're Moving!

Into a charming Cape Cod rental home.  December we'll be packing up and moving across town and settling into our beautiful home.  We were prayerful about this decision and knowing that God led us was a blessing.

I'm surprisingly very patient and not anxious about this upcoming change.  It will be for the better in so many ways but for now i'm living life here in our apartment for the next couple weeks, happily.

I know this won't be a forever home but it's gorgeous in my opinion and I can't wait to call it our home.

Goodbye third floor apartment living! :) You've treated us well and gave me stronger legs.

~*~

"I have no sense of fashion. oh well!" I don't know how many times these words have rolled off my tongue with ease but inside I hate that I don't have a sense of style.  Last night that all changed! I realized that like other things this is can be learned so after I put my son to bed I read a free ebook about how to dress my body type.  It was long but I couldn't stop reading as i was learning how I've been dressing in all the 'don'ts' she listed.  How come no one has told me!? ;) Well anyways, i'm going to have to use it as a guide.  She was very practical and encouraging about how to view yourself.  I really appreciated her words and advice.  I don't want to have the tired mom look.  I want to look my best and take pride in how I dress.  Anyways thought i'd pass along the website where I found the free ebook.  I hope that it might help you too.
http://www.howtolookgood.com/ask-caryn/

~*~
I am loving my memory verse this week
Gen. 16:13
"You are the God who sees me"

It's such a great reminder that although i'm longing to see his face, he sees mine.  For now that is the comfort I've prayed for.

I've been enjoying writing for fun lately.  Just random short stories and jotting down ideas, and journaling.  Writing has always been my kind of adventure so i want to share with you while i'm in this learning season.  I really do hope God will bless me one day when I actually begin writing a book.  Thank you to everyone who has encouraged/nudged me in that direction! I can't wait to share with you when I begin to do that. I know i'll need help and your words then. :)
I've been reading a lot right now though and loving it.  It helps gather inspiration and is also a way to teach me how to write better. I'm all for learning from others. And I still get to enjoy a good book!
I know that there are tons of other writers out there that are incredible with ideas that blow me away. I'm glad that there are so many different styles and books. There isn't a mold and you have the freedom to be creative.

I dug up a journal from when I was a little girl and had a lot of laughs while decoding my chicken scratch! I loved writing then just as much as I do now at 22.  I look back on my blogs from year and years ago and know that God could use these words to lead others to him.
I will never be 'there' with all the knowledge to write a book but with time, practice, reviewing, good help along the way, I hope to start putting something together soon.
Pray for me as God is preparing my heart!

"This is confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.  And if we know that he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him."

~1 John 5:14-15

Today I was silent towards God but yet he heard my thoughts and guided me through a whirlwind of events.  We have taken a little friend in for the night who is under one years old and Garrett's very closest buddy.  Having two boys that young was quite an adventure but tonight as they're sleeping i'm really thankful for the joy that filled this home today.  I'm glad to have been able to help another mom/friend and be available for her.  It's nice that God understood my silence and provided for each moment of the day, in fact blessing it when I didn't even ask.  He is wonderful in that way. 

I came down with an awful bug of some sort the other day.  Garrett and I pass germs back and forth all day and when I saw that runny nose it was only a matter of time it would come knocking at my door.  It was disappointing to miss church and small group with those sweet teenage girls but this girl needed the perfect combination of NyQuil and sleep. 

Wandering is something I love to do.  Going into a store I naturally wander down my favorite candy isle and browse.  There's a tempting thought always to buy all of my favorites but lately i've been showing self-control and missing the isle all together.  It's better that way.  Apparently this is such a good visual to the way I wander into sin and i've been realizing how God guides me with his hand to scoot on by those tempting roads that lead to nothing but destruction.  I love that he cares and is here to push me right along.  It's hard though because sometimes that road that leads to sin appears promising of better things.  Tonight I'm praising God for his commitment to lead me out of temptation and closer to himself when I ask.  

Darren and I have enjoyed this latest season in our marriage as not only husband and wife but as friends.  I am really confident that as we work through the hard stuff in our marriage it will lead us to a place we never imagined in our relationship.  Protecting our home is not always an easy thing to do but I feel like we just caught a break and are enjoying one another more then we have in so long. 

~*~ 

It hurt.  (Deep inside)  

"That fat won't go away no matter how hard I try."  The tears fell down my cheeks as I whispered into the dark.  He reached his hand over and said, 'don't cry, laura'.  It had been so long since I was weak in front of him.  But I've come to trust him.  

I continue.

"I am not pretty anymore.  I gained weight and only lost some and it's not coming off fast enough.  People can see."  

He assures me in a brave way and then rubs my back. 

Sometimes we need words.

More tears...because I'm loved. 

He reminds me of our son.  He tells me i'm doing a great job. 

It's as though my God is reminding me that i'm good enough, that i'm loved and to trust both of them.  

It's a journey to become healthy and it doesn't happen in a week.  

I ask God to help me.  And he has been in ways I never expected.  It's his will that I take care of this body, and he's willing to lead me.

I'm so blessed. 

This past week has been filled with the most peaceful days.

My little pumpkin having fun on his first Halloween.

We had a blast at his first Halloween party!

There's not a whole lot of projects you can do with an 8 month old but I took on a small one.  We taped a paper bag to the high chair, plopped him down and handed him a marker (with extra help).  He quickly let me know I had the wrong idea and that high chairs are for eating in, not coloring!  Silly mother! :) But I enjoyed it anyways.  

Tonight we were able finally capture Garrett's hand print with a 'first handprint' kit.  I am not the best at marking down memories but I want to remember that tiny hand! He has grown so quickly over the months and I'm longing for things to slow down.  The past 8 months have been full and I'm really enjoying motherhood.

~*~

I have been missing my mom a great deal lately.  It's funny how someone can become so dear to you when not too long ago you didn't get along much. (high school girls are sassy!) The navy has done more positive things in my life then i'd imagined possible.  One being how close I am with family.  You learn very quick not take for granted the time you do spend together and it's all the more special when you can get away to see each another.  I miss my mom though.  She pushes me like no one else, because she knows me the best.  The thing that is great about her is that she also loves.  She knows my breaking point and is right there to hug me and let me cry it out on her shoulder.  I love being her daughter because she's an incredible woman.  We've had our difference of course but I love that woman beyond belief!  A few months ago I was able to go spend some time in Indiana and see her but when she dropped me off at the airport it was heartbreaking.  I didn't want to go.  She makes me a better Laura and I feel home when I'm with her.  

Crafty, wise, funny, caring, home-body, hard worker, awesome cook, woman of God, loving wife and mother of five, and so much more.  When I think of someone that i'd like to be like it's always her.  Growing up I was blessed to have her as my mother.  She taught me about God and led me to know Him as my personal savior.  She gave me the greatest gift by loving my father.  She showed me Christ's love for 22 years.  When I disobeyed there was a punishment but when an apology came to her she forgave and we moved on never bringing it up again.  Things were resolved that day and It taught me how God forgives right away without needing time to think about it.  

Today we were able to talk on the phone and I loved bringing her good news from what's been happening where we are.  After I hung up the phone I wanted to pack the car up and head to indiana for a visit but know It will be a few months until we see her.  Did I already say I missed her!? But God still blesses our relationship and uses her time after time to mold me into the woman he has called me to be.  

I keep hoping and praying one day we'll find ourselves living close but I know God has called my little family away from Indiana for right now for his purpose.

Hope you're well! 

~Laura~

happy halloween

I have been enjoying this little guy more and more each day.  Tonight we went to a Halloween party (pictures will come later!) and I said, 'Garrett, can mommy have a kiss?' and he turned his head and leaned in and pushed his mouth on my cheek.  I couldn't stop smiling! He is growing and learning and giving kisses?! I didn't even think he knew what that meant but he's catching on quickly. 

We have enjoyed his first Halloween already so much already. We went to get pumpkins, went to a party, went to an amusement park for a free fun day, and are going trick or treating this monday evening.  I realize he is way too little but we're walking around with friends and i'm looking forward to it. :)

Garrett is sleeping through the night.  I feel refreshed in the morning! We put him down and  he is sleeping until around 7am.  It took a few nights of letting him cry it out but now he understands.  We spend a great deal of time together during the day and I get to love on him plenty but at night we need our time and sleep.  I'm really thankful that this has been a smooth transition.  I don't mind the occasional getting up for emergencies but every night for the last 8 months isn't good for our family. 

~*~

I hope you have a wonderful Halloween!   

What are they talking about I wonder? I peek into his room and see him babbling on and on while he sits next to his teddy bear.  These are the sweet moments I hold onto when life is hard.  The simplest things are sometimes the most joyful in my day.

~*~

I step on the scale and my heart sinks.  All that running and nothing...I realize that it's time to consider some diet changes but it's going to be difficult to show self control when food is so tasty! Know what I mean? 

The hardest part of this whole thing is the way satan has attacked my simplest belief that i'm good enough.  He tries to convince me of otherwise.  That is hard to deal with on a daily basis.  I want freedom with how I see myself, don't we all? I don't want to accept the lie that I am only beautiful at size __.  

Healthy is what I'm aiming for.

Who knew this would be such a battle though.  Thankful that it's a new day with opportunities to make better choices.

~*~

Garrett has never slept through the night completely. Normally we wakes up once or twice after putting him in bed and i'll normally nurse him back to sleep.  The hardest thing is knowing you're not doing yourself any favor but how do you break a bad habit? 

We just started to last night. :) I put him to bed last night and he stayed there until 7:30 this morning. He woke a few times crying but we let him cry it out which is actually more difficult then I expected. We're taking this next week to break a bad habit and I know we'll be thankful for this when he is two and sleeping through the night.  I don't mind the occasional times a child wakes in the middle of the night but for 8 months I have never slept through the night and it is not good for our little family.  

Although I woke every time he did I didn't leave my bed and when I got up this morning it was incredibly refreshing! 

And if you can believe it he was even more happy when we got up early to eat and play.  

I'm making mistakes daily, i'm sure of it but i'm thankful for the people who come alongside of me and gently correct me or show me a better way. 

~*~

I love getting letters in the mail.  They're something to hold onto and it's the thought someone put into sending me their words that I love.  I've received a few letters from a distant relative named charles who is one of the sweetest old men I've had the pleasure of talking with.  He has mentioned my great-grandma meske quite a bit and how much she loved me. I remember her very well and miss her so much.  In his latest letter he talked in detail about our family history and it was so neat to learn those things.  Charles was married for 64 years but this last year his wife passed away and he said that things don't work the same without her around.  I hope Darren will think the same when I'm gone. Anyways all that to say it has been a blessing to write and receive these letters.

Well I should get going, hope you have a wonderful day! 

~Laura~