i'm here, i'm here! i'm sorry for not being all here with my blog.  I wish that I could fill you in on every detail that's been going on but sometimes there are some things best kept in.  Whenever i'm going through something I tend to stay away from my blog because I have the problem of 'over-sharing' Please understand! It's for the best :) But i'm glad to be writing tonight and settling back into my place here. 

This is my boy. He is an INCREDIBLE little boy who each day reminds me how to enjoy the simple things in life.  Right now we play peek-a-boo a lot. The greatest part is how it never gets old to him, but eventually i'm too tired from popping up and down from behind the couch.  I love to kiss his cheeks and tell him how sweet he is.  Sometimes we read out of his story bible and other times we read books but he always seems more interested in how edible the book is.

He's one smiley kid which makes my day to day life really nice.  He has his bad days of course but thankfully I've got the patience for those days because we have so many great ones! Yes, i'm bragging about my boy but what mother doesn't?

He is just about ready to start crawling, i'm accepting prayers for this next phase! That i'd have energy to chase him around :).

This past sunday in church we heard a really good message about faith. I loved being in church and looking at these people that i'm starting to know and already love dearly.  We meet in a middle school auditorium and it's a very simple feel.  But we're being challenged and I see that God is working in the lives of these people and my own.  I like supporting these people and being there for them.  Garrett is sometimes all alone in the nursery but when I peek in he is sitting there next to a few girls adoring him and i'm thankful for that.  It's been a blessing to serve God sunday mornings in the preschool class.  These kids have my heart.  We combined classes last sunday with the four year olds.  They're funny, sweet, and easy to make smile.  It's fun to get down on their level and look in their eyes and say, 'now where is that beautiful smile of yours, i haven't seen it all morning!' and have them giggle away.  The craziest thing is God had to continue to push the need for me to help out in this ministry.  And i'm sad because I waited this long! I can be selfish of my time, but God knows how we have a need to serve and i'm seeing how important it is.

Then there are these freshman girls that I want to know more and more about after each sunday night.  We didn't have small groups yesterday and I felt really bummed over it.  They're girls worth looking forward to spending time with.  I look at them and see how fragile yet STRONG they are.  Each one different but when they're all together it makes for one amazing group. 

I had a very productive day. Sometimes when a lot of things are going on in my heart I get into a 'cleaning mood'.  So my home is neat, and the laundry is getting done quickly, and we had a delicious meal with no bake cookies! I have had two glasses of cider today and squeezed in a run.  I had no problem taking care of all of Garrett's feedings, bath, diaper changes, and now the day is done.  I feel good. :)

Talk to you tomorrow!

Congrats to my brother in law Pete for becoming a Certified Flight Instructor (CFI).  Really proud of you! Enjoy this next chapter!

 

I'm so thankful for fall!  It is such a great season in my opinion.  And since I fell in love with it i've been saying the same thing each time it comes around so you probably already have caught on to how much I love it! I won't go into detail but I can't get enough of the sweaters, cooler weather, and my warm cider!  Sadly we have had a bit of a heat wave this past week but I am hopeful that things will cool off. :)

Garrett will be experiencing his very first fall season and I am ready to share with him all of the wonderful things!  For me Halloween is part of that excitement.  I loved trick or treating as a child and sorting my candy when I got home.  I loved the parties and getting to carve pumpkins. I was getting excited to go trick or treating with Garrett until Darren informed me I can't take him out! He said it's like stealing candy since Garrett can't eat it..but I honestly wasn't even thinking about that..I was looking forward to dressing him up, taking pictures, and showing him off.  Now what to do.. :)  We'll have to settle for dressing him up and passing out candy!

Last week sunday was such a blessing.  I loved helping in the preschool class that morning.  There were 3 little boys that were melting my heart! One little guy randomly told me the story of Jonah and the whale and another one wanted to sit right in my lap.  The two little girls were also a joy to talk with.  I miss being tiny and not having a care in the world!
Sunday evening we had our first small group with some pretty amazing teenage girls! They were really nice and I hope they had a great time.  It will be fun to get to know them this school year and see how they grow.  I like to hear from them and what they're going through as well as what they're learning.  I've been praying their faith in God would grow.

I've been going to the gym at night and have been pushing myself each night.  I am feeling exhausted today though! I've lost a few pounds already and it honestly feels good losing weight in a healthy way.  I'll be excited to see this hard work pay off. :)
Well that's all i've got for you today!  Hope you're having a great day.
laura

I have this huge lump in my throat because God is making his plans clear and i'm amazed by what he has been holding in store for the upcoming months. 

I have been doing a lot of this the past few months asking God to make clear where my next steps should be. 

I spent two glorious weeks in Indiana/Wisconsin with family.  God seriously tended to my soul by pouring love into my heart, speaking to me in the silent moments, teaching me more about himself, and correcting much of the wrong in my heart.  I came home refreshed and with a better understanding of the importance of trusting God.  

For the past few weeks I have begun my 'healthy living' diet.  I miss junk food but I really would like to lose 20 lbs by Christmas so there's no room for too much of it!  I have been walking, running, hopping on the elliptical, and using that time to pray for the people in my life. I think it makes the time speed on by as I gasp for air. :) I've tried to cut down on the calorie intake and it's my hope that this will help shed the pounds! So far I've lost a few pounds. woohoo!

I like this picture/quote it's been inspirational. ha



I don't know all of God's plans but let me tell you how excited I am for the upcoming months! I offered to help in our preschool 3s and 4s sunday mornings and am thrilled to teach these little ones about Christ.  I can't wait to meet them and be a part of this season of their lives.  I love that age group and their tender innocent hearts.  They bring about many smiles and remind me of the simple things about Christ that I can't get enough of.  I pray this time serving God would bring him glory and that he would not only teach me but teach these little ones about Himself. I can't wait!

And who would have thought God would have answered such a prayer as this from a girl who had been such a mess..'Lord I want to work with teenage girls and love them, walk with them, and teach them about you'.  I sat back quietly after much time went on with no answer and I accepted that it was just not God's will at that time.  In the last few weeks I was invited to be a part of 'Delight Girls ministry'.  I was asked to be a co-leader to a group of 10 freshman girls and my heart could not be happier! I have been praying for these girls already this week and as I say their names I can't wait to put a face along with each name.  I'm really thankful for this chance to serve God in a way that my heart has desired for so long.  I remember being in highschool and wanting to go to college so I could one day help troubled teen girls and although I doubt these girls are 'troubled' I am sure that they could use someone to walk through this school year with that loves them deeply. So i'm 22 and here I am doing exactly what my heart desired.  I'm humbled.  That's the best way to describe it.   I can't wait to meet these girls sunday night and form what I pray will be lasting friendships as well as see them grow over the years.

Laura

Are you enjoying a simple life? Or are things crazy?  Things were crazy for me these last 6 months.  I guess it's to expected after having a baby.  But I was craving a simple life.  That's not been what i've been praying for but it's what God has given me right now because I NEEDED it.  He loves me deeply, I can confidently say that. Where would I be without a savior?

Today we had an earthquake! Very strange to stand in the middle of your home as your world is shaking and there's nothing you can do.  It didn't hit me until later that that has resembled my life, an uneasy shaking.  I see in small ways how God has been securing different areas of my life allowing me to be at peace..here's a few

Marriage

I am seeing my husband differently, and gaining respect for him.  I'm watching what I say and it has made a difference in our relationship.

Motherhood

Well this is a constant changing job but I'm soaking my little boy in each day and thanking God for him. I don't want to lose sight of the gift he is or the job I have to bring him up as a man of God.

Friendships

I have recently let a few unhealthy friendships end on their own.  I haven't ever done this before but it was heavy on my heart and it became clear that I needed to back away.  I didn't know it would be God's will for me to do such a thing, but it was.  If people are bringing you down chances are they are not the kind of person you want to surround yourself with.  Right now God has hand picked a few close friends and placed them in my life for a distinct purpose.  I am all about meeting new people and I love having many girlfriends but when a relationship starts turning sour sometimes its necessary to walk away.  I hope you don't think i'm picking up and dropping friends like they're sunday's paper. Bad comparison? ha  I just need simple right now and I need understanding friends.  I am blessed by my friends that bring out the best in me, that fill a conversation with laughter, or share their heart with me.  Who honestly love God with how they live, and who love their families too. I will never hesitate to help a friend out but there are certain people that aren't good for me.  I want to surround myself with good friends, not just a multitude of people.  I have been burnt out in the friend department until recently and i'm thankful for this recent change. 

Housework

It doesn't have to be hard.  Today I did the laundry joyfully and washed dishes quickly.  'Just do it right away' was the thought today. :) I'm not going to be perfect keeping our home neat because we have a six month baby who pulls me away from chores and he is worth it! I'm not going to miss out too much on him but there needs to be a balance.

I often think deep and get lost in thoughts but recently I've been praying simple things and remembering to praise God for the same.  He intended my life to be joyful and in Him i'm finding peace.  Alright well I should get to bed!

Laura

He's almost 6 months now and continues to charm his way into my heart day after day. Even though my heart is full of love for him no matter what.  This evening he sat on my lap while we learned about Hannah and how she had a little boy named Samuel and gave Him to God. I kissed his cheeks and told him that I had also given Him to God and prayed one day he would love God.  My baby reached for his story bible to gnaw away at the pages but as I whispered a prayer to the Lord He looked up at me and smiled. 

I can't help but praise my savior for this tiny gift.  I have the most incredible job in the world.

~*~

I can't wait to see you slip on your rain boots and jump in the puddles or go on adventures with a cardboard sword.  You are blessed.

~*~

I'm enjoying a quiet day.  In fact me, myself, and I went on a date! To the movies :).  I asked Darren if it would be okay if I slipped out for the evening and said, 'Go for it!'. We all need a break from reality from time to time.  Then I came home and sat on the deck just in time to watch a beautiful sunset while enjoying time with my heavenly father.  

  I hope you're enjoying this day!  

I wasn't actually going to write today but I am filled with endless thoughts that need sorting! I feel that whenever I write things in my life are put into perspective and I see what God is doing as I read back through my blog.  It's always neat to step back and say 'oh hey that's what you're getting at with me!'. So today i'm writing for some serious selfish purposes, sorry!

Now lets get to talking about this picture.  Let me build this up for you..imagine with me a small child absolutely thrilled as their ice cream cone is being prepared and they're standing on their tippy toes to catch a glimpse of their treat.  Their grin is HUGE and finally the ice cream cone is in their hands and as they start skipping along it slips and drops onto the ground.  Now picture that small child tear filled eyes staring down at their sweet treat mushed on the ground! How disappointing right?!  

Today that small child was me at a kickoff party for my new business. I can't tell you how beyond thrilled I had been to start this venture. I put a lot of time and energy into getting things going and looked forward to my party today.  Last night I was practicing the math side because I've been sick to my stomach about doing math! I prayed about it all week actually! Well today was a lot of fun with friends but I didn't have any luck selling anything.  I can't tell you what that feels like except to refer back to the ice cream story.  But here's the wonderful part..God is teaching me a few things today that I'm thankful for!  I won't go into detail about everything but lets at least laugh about the fact that I didn't end up having to do any math :).  

After everyone left I was able to talk with my family which was just what I needed. I can't tell you how great it was to be encouraged by each one of them.  I needed that because I was feeling like quite the failure! I'm thankful for the way God quickly showed up and surrounded me with love. It turns out that a few of my family members actually ended up buying something! Which made me feel really really good. 

I wasn't actually going to write about this stuff because I didn't want to be a downer but I thought wow, i'm sure you probably have or will face disappointment in different situations and I wanted to encourage you. It is easy to let your emotions spin out of control but I love the ability to control what attitude I have.  God is going to bless me so much more if I remain positive.  It doesn't ease the pain of disappointment at that moment but it does give you the chance to dismiss those thoughts that aren't so wonderful.  

I'm not really sure what will happen with this business but i'm thankful that I gave it a shot! I was able to gather with a group of friends today that I really enjoy seeing. 

On another positive note at least my home is super clean! :)

Moving on..

We went to Jamestown yesterday which was such a neat experience.  I love learning about   our history and how america came to be so it was neat to explore. Garrett was really well behaved which made walking around enjoyable for everyone.

I have really been soaking him up lately.  He is a wonderful little baby who has the sweetest smiles.  

Alright well I need to get to bed! 

(Not my photo but I wish I knew who took it)

Sometimes I need my breath taken away! Isn't that a beautiful view?  I don't understand exactly why God made things look good but I like to believe it stems from his love for us.  When I see his handiwork I remember Him and how much he loves me and it softens the hard places in my heart.  It's been brought to my attention today how patient God is with me.  Every now and then when i'm tired of fighting i'll give in and roll with it. Do you know what I mean? You let sin have it's way in your heart because fighting seems too hard and you're tired of having to answer to God for your lack of obedience.  I think i'm more quick to look at how God is going to be upset with me rather than accept His grace and mercy.  I often have a picture in my mind of Christ defending the poor in spirit but for some reason I don't put myself there even though that's where I belong.  He loves me though and even when I have a critical spirit about everything finds a way to take out that worst in me and still lift me up as blameless.  He is a good God and loves in ways I can't comprehend.

I am not a perfect christian, who is? Sometimes God makes me mad.  I don't like answering to him for all that I do. I don't like having to not do what feels natural to me.  I don't like giving myself so He can have full reign in my life.  It doesn't feel good going through a process of him refining me and putting me through the fire but the results are incredible always.  I just seem to forget that in the tough moments.  Lets take marriage for example.  Ohh that man that I love also has a way of bringing out the absolute worst in me! Sometimes I can't stand it and want to leave.  I don't want to believe i'm capable of those horrible words or actions.  But they're in me and need to be dealt with so God uses my husband time and time again to correct the wrong in me and make me holier and pure.  It hurts but seeing it this way helps a lot!  

Lately I have been particularly upset with God because I don't understand what is missing.  I still feel like something is missing and it is driving me crazy.  I told him, 'how can this be?! I read my bible everyday, pray, go to church, am making friends, but I feel lonely and lost!?'.  I didn't get an answer for weeks.  I thought how can I honestly tell people God is good when I feel this way? 

And then he spoke..so simply 

"Part of serving me is spending yourself on others.  There is a need in you to help others and right now you're not."

It's been about me for as long as I can remember. Even in my walk with God it is centered around me. (there should be a balance) I love thinking about myself.  In my marriage I argue about how Darren does not do this for me or that and how it is ruining our relationship. Being a mom I now think how It isn't about me at all, in my relationships I feel hurt when it isn't about me. (oh how I hate admitting to this to you!) I start to think critical in all areas of my life and sooner or later am basking in myself and thinking well i need to make changes and cut people/things out so I can feel better. My eyes have been on me, just me...for I don't even know how long.  It's human nature to think of self before others so at least I can explain it. I have to tell you that when I heard those words from God I gasped because that's what's been missing! God needs me to do for him too and give give give!  I have a purpose in Christ and that's what i've always desired. I love the way God will be glorified through the seeds I sow and the people I invest in.  I love that he will come through and pull in the harvest one day himself walking behind me gathering.  This image brings joy to my heart.  He desires that I serve him through serving others.  I don't know what that looks like right now but i'd imagine it's small things you can do for others that they need and that God will reveal those needs. 

Dying to myself will never be easy and it's a lifelong battle but a daily choice I intend to work at. I wanted to share this because I think this may be something you might struggle with as well.  It's probably easier to arrange the people in your life that only bring out the best.  Don't kick people out just because they're hard to deal with.  It may in fact be that God placed them in your life to deal with the not so good in you.  Don't end a  marriage because you're unhappy, don't end a friendship because they're distant, don't walk away from a church because it's structure isn't perfect, stop thinking of yourself and start thinking about what you can give in your marriage, in your friendships, to this church.  Right now it may be easier to walk away but I can promise that God will bless you so much more in sticking it out and loving.  He has promised to give us strength...so I hope you along with me will take this lesson to heart from God. 

I've missed you friend! Love to hear from you..