Hey! I hope you're having one of those days where everything is right in your world!

I had one extra cute baby to take care of today. He is such a sweet child and I love how much time we've spent together. I try to make sure we have quality time filled with things that will be memorable when we look back. Some of those memories will be mommy trying to get baby to sleep longer and him refusing and after the battle goes on she finally gives in and gets out of bed. :) sound familiar?

I don't want to be sad all the time as time goes forward and my baby gets bigger.  He is growing out of clothes and i'm having to put them away in a plastic bag for now and it's sad.  So I prayed about it and God shed some light on the matter.

In my relationship with darren we have been through a little over four years of growth. Sometimes it's a pain to compromise, work on being selfless, but because of our efforts to love the other we grow and grow.  We have some very memorable times to look back on when we were just babies in this thing called marriage.  We are what I feel would be toddlers now and still very much in love. I don't spend time being sad looking back at the old feeling blue about the past because I love the here and now with Darren.  Being all here now is important to God.  It's okay to look back and think how much I loved my newborn and how little he was but there is so much happiness and joy in the here and now. Plus there is a TON to look forward to as he grows.  I want to love him to pieces at each stage and not feel like i'm losing him when in fact I am gaining more of him.  He is growing and along with each new stage or discovery God blessed me to be his biggest fan!  It will be a daily choice to choose to be all here in the now even when I don't feel like it. :)

I think God is really neat. He is always the same but I am always learning new things about Him.  I don't have it figured out but i'm at a place in my life where i'm learning how sovereign he is in the midst of the crazy. 

This world's happenings are scary and I mean terrifying! I do wonder what's going on sometimes and then I remember...sin. That tiny word that causes natural disasters, murder, pride, wars, worry, and on and on the list goes.  But God is in control and nothing happens that he does not let.  For the time being until he returns it's going to be a sinful place where satan reigns but Its my prayer that in this small sphere I live in that people would come to have a relationship with God and see that he really loves them.  That Jesus already died to save us because of our sin..and that we can live eternally with him.  It's hard to get over the fact that there is no religious acts you have to do when you want to follow God but that it's accepting him in your heart.  Then moving on it's him growing you through time in the bible and prayer and fellowship with other believers.  I love seeing people serving in the community and not just sitting comfortably. I believe God is at work in all sorts of ministries so that people can hear there is hope for a better life.

phew! That was a lot of thought for this zombie looking mom. :) Today I cleaned, organized G's clothes (halfway done), made a meal i'm proud of!, and cleaned a little bit more.

Have a great night! 

Laura 

My baby is growing faster than I'd like but I love when he learns new things! Today he was following with his eyes a toy that we were looking at and he will focus on a camera trying to figure it out.  I have a hard time looking at pictures when he was first born because I LOVED how tiny and small he was.  I loved the feelings of 'new mommy'.  But now i'm LOVING confident mommy and seeing Garrett catching on to new things.  He is still little and we're soaking up the time with books, lullaby's, talking, smiling at each other, loads of kisses, and we snuggle all the time.  During the first two months I haven't missed out and have enjoyed being a mother.  Mother's day is around the corner and it's my first one! Garrett doesn't understand but in a way all those smiles towards me let me know he loves and trusts me.  That is the best gift for a new mom, to know you're doing something right!
I went to target this week and picked out a few new shirts. I have been feeling rather dumpy lately and needed a few new cute things. God works in really neat ways though. On sunday I opened a package from my sister in law Ej and it was the cutest sweater! Monday I wore it..yes it was in the 80's and I was sweating but oh boy did I feel cute and I needed that! She picked it up for me out of the blue but it was perfect timing. I'm really blessed! And then I had a friend send me a really sweet card that was very encouraging.

Darren was going to be going to a C-school this coming monday and when I found out months ago it made me really sad.  After the initial shock of finding out I accepted it and was supportive.  About a month ago I was having a hard time with him going for almost four months and him not being able to be with Garrett and I. I didn't want to say anything to him because as a navy wife I wanted to be supportive of his career.  So..I prayed that night and spilled my heart to God letting him know how much I would miss Darren and wishing there was someway he could stay home.  It turns out Darren was given an option to stay. 
There is a balance that is hard to learn as a navy wife. What's best of his career and what's best for your family. I don't think i'll ever master it. I know this school is good and it's awesome he was chosen but he didn't want to go away for more time because we know in the future he'll have to go away on workups/deployments.  I felt guilty for praying him to stay home and then seeing that answered! isn't that crazy? But I'm happy that he will be home not missing out on Garrett.  His chain of command is really great and very supportive of family which is not always something you'll find in the military. Sometimes it's all about what's best for excelling in your job.  And there is a time when the focus needs to be on career, i'm just glad he can be home right now.  They talked to Darren later about doing a school later if the timing works out.
We're going to be heading to Indiana to visit family for my brother's graduation. I'm so excited for everyone to meet Garrett and just to see everyone. I've missed my family a lot and it's been hard living far away.
Well i'm off to bed, have a good night!
laura

I love talking to Garrett about how cute as a button he looks, or how handsome daddy is, the weather we're having, or about his extended family but I LOVE talking to him about Jesus.  It brings joy into my heart speaking of the things Christ has done for us.  I am a really simple girl with an extraordinary gift from an Almighty God.  I look at Garrett with love everyday.  Now there are moments I am extremely tired and the thought of rolling over to go nurse him stinks but this child has my heart.  I am rewarded at four in the morning by a huge gummy grin and it melts my heart each time.  Who knew Garrett's happy time would be not only the day but also in the middle of the night?! 

The best advice a friend gave to me when I first had Garrett was to soak him up because the time would fly.  She told me to hold him and let the house chores go at times.  I'm glad that I listened to her because I love snuggling with Garrett and getting to know him more and more. 

My husband's job in the navy allows for me to be a stay at home mother.  This is the second greatest gift which my husband has given me.  I was thinking today how most of my friends from highschool are getting ready to graduate college this year and for the first time I didn't feel like I missed out.  Most people would tell me I should have waited to get married and have a baby until i'm at least 30 but I love the way my life has gone.  I met the love of my life at 18 and right after my 22nd birthday we had a baby boy.  God has blessed me so richly and although I don't hold a diploma in my hand and my closet is filled more with sweaters than business suits I am incredibly thankful to be where I am today.  I love what my friends have accomplished over the past four years and I hope one day to be able to study English so that I can take the next step in my dream of writing but for now I am soaking up this chapter in my life and loving it!

Everyday Garrett is changing and learning new things.  It's neat to see him making connections and starting to develop and as much as I want to keep him tiny forever, I'm excited for him.  I tell him all the time how I can't wait for the day he can talk (all you mothers of a 5 year old are probably thinking Oh no you don't! haha). I often am reminded that with every new stage comes wonderful fun things but also new challenges.  I know by God's grace we're going to be fine though. 

Lately i've been tearing up and random moments when I see how blessed I am. The other night Garrett woke up and Darren went over to him and the kid started grinning like crazy! I don't know what it was but they were adorable together.  Then tonight my sweet boy was talking and smiling away not really wanting to go to bed and I loved talking back to him. When he gets really excited he starts kicking his legs and waving his arms and it makes me tear up to see him so happy and healthy.  I thank God for these days because not every mother can say they had 2 months with their baby.  I remember begging God to please let me have this baby and for nothing to go wrong because I wanted to meet him and love him everyday we had together. I don't ever want to get 'used to' or take for granted the gift of being a mother.  Sometimes it's far to easy to complain about the harder side and I forget how blessed I am. 

Well I have been watching a little of the royal wedding on TLC and it's so exciting.  I love weddings and am a complete fairy tale dreamer/hopeless romantic.  Sadly most of the royal couples have ended up splitting though? I watched a special about it once on the history channel but anyways that's not meant to say this couple will split but i'm really excited for the news to be happy for once! It's been very depressing lately and it's nice to have joy from this wedding.  I hope they have a special day and that everything goes as planned!

Alright I should get to sleep.  Garrett wakes up every 3 hours still! One day that will change :).  Have a great night!

:)

My sweet baby boy hit the two month mark today.  He is growing everyday and i'm soaking in these days, one after another. I am thankful for him and how much we've both grown these two months.  Sooner than I'd like he'll be 13 and i'll be wondering where the time has gone! Those thoughts lead me to pick up my sleepy baby and cuddle him while showering him with endless kisses.  He has been doing very good and this mommy is starting to get sleep finally! It's interupted sleep but I'll take it!  We have been hanging out with friends and taking long walks in our beautiful weather we've had.

we tried pictures today but he wasn't on board with that :(

"I give up" :)

Today something happened that opened my eyes to the way God loves us (his children).  I was walking down the stairs outside and a bee flew over and went right up to Garrett.  First momma bear came out of me and this bee was going to die! but then I thought 'Sting me! Not him please!'.  Thankfully it flew away but as I continued on God spoke to me. "Laura, that is how much I love you but even deeper."  God couldn't stand to see us die and be separated from Him and that's why he sent Jesus to be our perfect sacrifice to bridge the gap from when we sinned against him.  I know this seems obvious but I would take Garrett's place in an instant because the thought of him hurting is awful.

There is nothing Garrett can do to lose my love and i'm reminded that goes the same for us in God's eyes.  It is very neat to experience a mother's love firsthand. 

I've been praying hard for friends today.  Sometimes I listen to a friends broken heart and want to mend it myself but today I begged God to restore a marriage, and heal a wounded heart.  I believe God can take a broken mess and turn it into something beautiful.  With all of my heart I believe that. :) He did that in my marriage.  As I gave testimony today of my marriage it made me realize how amazing God is for doing that in my life.  Darren and I are still a long way off from the perfect marriage but I love that man dearly.  I'm thankful today for a husband that cares deeply for me when I deserve nothing.  God really cares for me and heard my cries for help and came to our rescue so many times.  Marriage is hard but love is worth fighting for.  A marriage takes a mixture of two selfless people, love, kind words, laughter!, friendship, encouragement, PRAYER FOR THE OTHER, hugs/kisses, being there, and so much more. I will always struggle with being too selfish but I believe God works through our weakness and we are made strong. 

I am praying that God would send angels to guard the door of a dear friend's marriage like he did for me.

I've come to love my time with God over the past few weeks.  I picture eternity with Him and if it's anything like the peace during our conversations, well I can't wait then.  It is incredible how this unseen God has become more and more real to me and how deeply I need Him in my heart.  There are countless times that I have put God on the back burner but I tell you now it is awful because there is nothing as sweet as Christ in your life.  It is horrible realizing you are on a path apart from God.  I don't do well apart from God and thankfully the Holy Spirit remains in my heart to lead me back!

:) okay so I have some really neat friends around here.  I say that because yesterday we walked into church and I was like a little child in a candy store. As we worshiped I kept picking out friends and i'd smile big and think 'oh I just love her!' 'They're here! awesome :)' and I had the hardest time actually singing because I was excited to see my church family that i'm coming to love dearly.  I love how our pastor is always excited to see us and that we are welcomed warmly by everyone.  We didn't have family around for Easter but our friends from church invited us for brunch and we had a great time talking and laughing.  They are so fun to spend time with.  Then for dinner our sunday school class got together and we laughed and talked some more swapping stories about our children and life.  I went to bed last night feeling full of love.  I have to tell you that the other night I was confessing to Darren almost in tears how lonely I was feeling and then for God to answer a prayer with comfort from friends when they didn't even realize it.  I love how prayers don't go unanswered and the way God answers them always surprises me.

Well I should get going! Can't wait to keep sharing. :)

Laura



Tonight I was looking through some pictures of Garrett after he was first born and it took me back to one of the sweetest moments of my life. God gave me a special time with my son that morning being able to soak in every inch of his being.  He was perfect to me and even as the little marks and bumps started to show he still held that perfection in my eyes.  I didn't understand how you could love someone so deeply the way Christ loves us but then I became a mom.

We are approaching the two month mark and we're loving our baby boy even more.  He has been giving us a wonderful gummy grin lately that melts my heart! A simple smile can be the most rewarding thing to a mom because it shows that you're doing something right! :)

He has been dealing with some reflux junk lately and it finally dawned on me the other night that's what it was.  Poor little guy cries sometimes after eating and it's really upsetting him to the point of him not eating as great as before. We'll have to talk to the doctor about that and see what we can do for him besides sitting him up after feedings. 

We've been taking walks everyday and it's been refreshing to get out and enjoy the beautiful weather we've been having! Garrett seems to enjoy the fresh air as much as me :).

Darren and I have been enjoying each other lately and i'm really thankful for that. No one gives you a heads up that things may get a little heated at home after a baby comes in and it's easy to start living separate lives.  I'm glad that God is involved in my marriage and wants to see it thriving and filled with love because he's showing up to our rescue in a time that felt strained.  I gain a lot of respect for Darren in times like these and realize how blessed I am.  He is an incredible dad and is involved in taking care of Garrett's needs baths, diapers, soothing his cries, and just loves on his boy.  He could have checked out after work but right now he is checking into our family in the evenings i'm and blessed because of that. 

Right now we're facing a hard choice with his job and what's best for our family and i'm stuck in between not knowing how to best encourage him so i'm praying..a lot! I can't wait to let you know what happens. 

My mom told me that I need to pray more and she's right because I believe prayer works...I have a hard time praying for people because a lot of times there isn't immediate results and I give up.  Prayer for others is selfless and it takes discipline.  My grandma tells me every time I see her that she prays for me everyday...do you realize how neat that is? Everyday she talks to our God and brings me up to Him...I cherish that! 

Well i'm starting to ramble now! I have to tell you that my mom has been yelling at me because every time we get on the phone I talk super fast and my words go together and she can't understand me..so she says 'laura..i have no clue what you just said..' or 'Laura you're talking like..I don't know, I can't understand..' :) so I had to ask Darren if i've been doing that to him and he said, 'yes! and that's why I say what?' ha so to anyone i've been talking to lately, sorry if you can't understand me! It's called sleep deprived I think?

Laura

My Hiding Place

He is still my favorite, even after the last few days we've had that are reflected in this picture. :)

'You must give up being worried that you'll not be perfect and fail, because you will, and that's ok'. This is the message gently being sewn into my heart tonight.  It is the medicine my soul has needed and God is the best doctor out there to fix my chaos.  He is the best because of how deeply he loves me.  I love Him too and am feeling bad because of how long it took to ask for help. 

I've been tearing myself apart for not being able to fix my son's crying. I hate not knowing what's going on with my baby but I need to pray when those thoughts of worry come.  God loves Garrett more than I ever could and cares about these smaller issues.  Right now Garrett needs a patient and calm mommy.  I can only be that through God who gives me strength.  That strength comes from spending time in his word and in prayer.  I feel like in a way my walk with God has been all over the place since i've become a mother but he is still holding me together. : ) It's going to be hard at times but he is ready to come to my rescue when I ask.  I do feel bad about not trusting him and being such a worried mother.  I am praying that God would build my confidence as Garrett's mom.  I know that begins with a confident 'Laura' first though and this may be a longer learning process than overnight. I love quick fixes but there is a lot of insecurities that God is going to need to let rise to the top of my heart to scoop out.  Don't you hate the gunk in our hearts?  All that to say i'm thankful to be at peace tonight and surrendered completely to God.  That is the most perfect hiding place. : )

In a month i'm going to step into my new role as a 'single mom' during the weeks.  Darren will be heading up north to school for four months and I will be clinging to God.  I want to find joy in those days as a wife, mother, and mostly child of God.  Hopefully i'll be able to start reaching out more to others. 

Today Darren was able to go see two baseball games with his friends and I'm really glad he did.  He needs that time to unwind and get out with friends.

I needed time with God tonight alone.  I'm learning how to let God help me balance out all of my responsibilities.  There will be days the house isn't clean and I look awful but it won't always be that way.  I don't need to fall apart when things aren't perfect because they won't always be.  I just need to ask God to give me patience and mostly grace!

I have been handling a fussy baby lately and it can be overwhelming to say the least.  Whenever I start to feel selfish and think poorly I immediately think 'right now there is a mother who once lost her child and would give anything to hold her screaming baby again'.  It makes me lean down and kiss Garrett each time and I am filled with strength to handle him with love. 

It's not all hard though, for example he is smiling more and more.  It's really the cutest thing to see him smiling up at you and he loves music.  We listened to disney music today and lately i've been singing songs about God that I learned as a little girl to him.  He does look more and more adorable everyday and when he does finally fall asleep he is precious.  I love him..and it's amazing how nothing he can do will change that.  I guess that's how God feels about us.  It's neat to understand unconditional love finally..but to know that God loves even deeper than I love Garrett blows me away.

Well I should wrap this up for tonight because tomorrow we are going to church and I should get some rest! Thanks for sharing with me in this journey.  I needed to write tonight and express what God is doing in my heart.

Laura

I normally get a lot of helpful advice from people but I wanted to know if you'd pass along an encouraging verse to me today.  I would love that! :)

Laura

One Month

My sweet baby is one month old!



Here are some photographs we captured today

I love his smiley face!

he is precious

yawning :)

sleepy baby

I love his toes!



~Our Birth story~

(in the form of a letter to Garrett)

Dear Garrett,

One beautiful sunny Thursday, February 24th I woke up feeling pain inside and wondering if this could be the day you arrived.  Grandma Bacon was here and we went to pick out the fabric for your quilt. It was hard to focus as the contractions came but I was oddly comforted by the cozy quilt shop we were in.  Poor grandma hurried to get the fabrics cut only to find out the contractions started to subside! All of your aunts were sending messages back and forth with me and I was getting more excited realizing this could be the day. Well we sat around all day and the pain became more intense with each hour.  Grandma and Daddy stared at me all evening i'm pretty sure and then we decided to get some rest.  Then they became worse and I could have cried! I started to get excited and scared because I was afraid of what could all happen.  I kneeled by the bed and swayed hoping it would help ease the pain and poor daddy stood by not really knowing what to do. It was time to leave for the hospital! With the long list of contractions in hand, hospital bags, and an anxious heart we headed out.  We came to the hospital around midnight and in the first room they checked me and hooked me up to machines.  We heard your heartbeat and I couldn't believe we were going to meet you soon.  The nurse gave me the most cozy socks i've ever worn! (Daddy actually put them on for me)

I had my very first IV and then was sent to the next room.  I settled in the bed and my new nurse was wonderful.  I was given an epidural later on and that woman will never be forgotten.  She was funny and kind! Dad actually stayed in the room for a little while then had to get up and leave for a minute after the epidural. It was weird feeling because on my entire left side I could still feel the contractions and was having to breathe through them like I'd practiced.  I started pressing my 'fun button' that would give more of the drug and then the nurse came in awhile later and joked about that, but i decided to tell her it was funny how I could feel everything on my left side.  The nice lady came back and took care of that and it was nice to relax again.  I could still feel contractions but it was wonderful for them not to be as intense.

Then the nurse came in to check me and she said 'whoa! you're ready to go!' ..in a blink of an eye the room was full of people.  I saw your station all set up and thought 'he is going to be here, I can't believe it!'. I felt on top of the world and ready to push you out.  The doctor had daddy/grandma switch of holding my leg, that was funny with them having to trade off because they were a little queasy. 

The doctor called me 'little momma' as she encouraged me to push. They were very serious but kind and I pushed..oh who knew I could push that hard.  Hanging from the wall was a small collecting of dust and I stared hard at that focusing. I only pushed for 20 minutes but on that last push they all became very serious telling me on this one I needed to get you out.  I didn't know what was wrong but I pushed as hard as I could and then they pulled you out. Our faces met as she pulled you up and I cried tears of joy. You were beautiful and I loved you more than anything.  I thanked God over and over...and then time moved on and it felt like forever that you were on the other side of the room.  They were saying things about your color and being pale and I was shaking and starting to get scared.  Then a woman came in and looked you over and looked over at me realizing I was in tears and she reassured me you were okay and then they wrapped you up and as they fixed me up grandma and daddy held you.  Apparently the cord was wrapped around your neck and that's why everyone became serious on that last push. Praise God you were healthy and happy!
Then they were able to hand you to me and this heart melted! You were perfect my sweet boy.  I kissed you and stared for a long time taking you in.

Garrett you were born at 5:26a.m! That is really early just so you're aware. :) Weighing in at 7lbs 15oz, and you were 19 3/4 inches.  That tiny head of yours was full of hair and I loved it!  There was goopy stuff all over your eyes but i'd hoped that you knew it was me. 

We stayed in the hospital until sunday and mrs. donna loved you! She was our day nurse and took great care of both you and I.  She fought for us and I love her for that! We didn't get off to a good start with you being tongue-tied and they weren't able to snip it on the weekend.  I was scared and overwhelmed because I wanted to breastfeed except you couldn't latch on with your tongue being the way it was.  We decided to pump and syringe feed you and then daddy went out and bought a 'nipple shield' which mommy now hates today but at the time it's what we need.  You loved it :). 

I loved staying with you in the hospital and holding your cute self! But it was nice to get to take you home.  We put you in real clothes and said goodbye to mrs. donna and headed home.  I love you baby boy! Thank you for giving me an incredibly easy pregnancy and then an amazing birth experience. 

love,

Mommy